Co-teacher death in the family

[jimmyjamison]

Yesterday, my co-teacher's grandmother died. Understandably, she was a mess all day, and I did my best to offer my sympathies to her and her family.

I was wondering if any other foreign teacher has dealt with a similar situation. I asked some of my students, and they told me Koreans give money to someone who has had a death in the family.

I told them that in the US sometimes we give cards, food, flowers, but they said not to give any of those things to her. So I should just give her some won?

Do you think it would be weird for her coming from a foreign teacher? any idea how much money? I just want her to know I am thinking about her, but I don't want it to be awkward.

Thanks

[dmhr25]

I've experienced this as well.  You give money at the funeral.  You don't just hand her a fistful of cash.

In my case, many teachers went to the funeral - which I thought was odd.  We gave money there.

I know, you may not want to go to the funeral - in that case, I don' t know how to proceed.

[CMTC]

Perhaps write her a letter expressing your sympathy and letting her know you are thinking of her.

[AC_in_Korea]

Last week, the child of one of the teacher's here passed away.  All of the teacher's went to the visitation that night, although no one told me about it.  The teacher's here have dues to pay, so that when one gets married, or there is a death, money is taken from the account and given from all of the teacher's collectively.

Although the students said only money - I think it would be very thoughtful of you to give your coteacher a card.  You don't have to say magic words to help her to heal - just let her know that you are thinking of her during this time, and you hope that she is able to find some peace soon.  If you are willing - tell her that you are happy to talk to her about it, if she wants. Otherwise, justa  note to let her know you are thinking about her, and wishing her well is nice.

Just my thoughts.....

[iceman]

When in a different country it is always good to follow the customs of that country. But if you feel uncomfortable about the custom then I agree with CMTC post. Writing a letter will let her know that you sympathize the loss of her grandmother. Hope that helps

[Merryone]

My KT's father died last year in June. I believe the expected amount is 30 thousand to 50 thousand won. just put it in an ordinary Korean type envelope, write your name on the back, and give it to your KT. if you can, find the time to attend services. It will mean a lot to your KT. a card is nice, but not expected. if you attend services, give the money at that time.   

[Mezoti97]

During my first year here, one of my former co-teacher's grandmother had also passed away. I wasn't close to this co-teacher, though, so I didn't give any money or anything. Also, around the same time, the mother of another English teacher at my old school had passed away as well. She wasn't my co-teacher yet at the time, though, so since I didn't know her very well yet, I didn't give any money, either. In both cases, I don't think anyone expected me to do anything (e.g. give money), since no one (my other co-teachers at the time) told me to do anything. However, in your case, I don't know if you are close to your co-teacher or not. If you are, then it might not be a bad idea to give her something -- if not money, then at least a sympathy letter would be nice and I'm sure your co-teacher would appreciate that.

[vlhuynh]

Within the first 7 weeks I was here in Korea I attended two funerals. One was my principal's father and the other was my vp's mother in law. Surely it's different with the higher ups in that everyone has to attend the funeral but yeah...all you gotta/need to do is put some money in an envelope (there are special envelopes for these kind of situations, your coteachers will know where to find them in the school) and hand it to the person at the reception desk. I think both times I had to give  30,000W. If you didn't attend the funeral, I would suggest not to bother with giving money. If you feel compelled to, ask a coteacher how to proceed.

[K]

 Are the funerals drop in? Also, is the dress code the same as it is in Western culture? What should I expect when I go? The one I'm attending is in the hospital.

[justanotherwaygook]

Funerals, you wear all black.  Black shoes, black pants, black shirt if you can, or just wear as much black as possible.

Talk to other co-workers about the money.  The school may organize something from the teacher's fund.

You can write a card.  I would suggest against saying anything like "sorry for your loss" or anything else that may resemble an apology.  This is strange to most Koreans; they don't say anything like this.  Apologies are really limited to things that you did.  Perhaps just wish her well or something.

[korr]

I've been to two funerals here, one for a coworker's father and one for my principal's mother. The teachers dressed in black or dark colors, went to the funeral as a group, and gave plain white envelopes with about 50,000 won apiece. If you go to a funeral home, they'll probably have envelopes available. Just follow the other teachers' leads.

If you do go the funeral, you'll probably bow Korean-style to a portrait of the grandmother and then have dinner together at the funeral home. You don't absolutely have to go, but as long as you're respectful, your CT will probably appreciate it. Even if you don't go, try to find another teacher who can pass your envelope along at the funeral.

[Airam22]

My co-teacher's grandmother passed away recently as well.

I was asked if I wanted to go with some other teachers to visit the family at the hospital, but one of my co-teachers told me to not feel pressured to go, because often younger people do not.  She also didn't go, but sent along some money...  I'm not sure exactly how much, but I think I saw a few 10,000 won notes in her hand.  If it's anything like wedding amounts, it's probably in the ballpark of 30,000-50,000 won (more depending how close you are to the person).  I wasn't sure what I should do, but I did have a card for her and sent that along.  One other co-teacher said that was sweet and thoughtful, but yeah - that's not really the Korean thing to do/give.  Ultimately, if you are sympathetic and offer your condolences, it's probably okay.  Koreans know we don't know all their customs, and my co-teachers have been very understanding in terms of cultural differences or my occasional ignorance of Korean cultural norms.

[middleschool]

It is customary to give money in an envelope for a death or a wedding ceremony.
For Koreans, the minimum is 30,000. The next amount up is not actually 40,000 though.
It's 50,000, since the number "4" is bad luck.

I think the general rule is :
 someone you're not close to - 30,000
someone you're close to - 50,000
someone you're very close to - 100,000

who knows what the maximum is.

my coworker's younger brother is getting married and she
has no idea how much to give him.

[Juliachoi]

It isn't important the price.

just let her know your mind.

Usually, in Korea, the cost of a funeral is really expensive.

So just share your mind to your friends.

[bohwa]

i think so too.
just share your mind.
i think writing a letter is good idea..