So hard.....(going home)

[KevinTeacher84]

I've been in Korea for three years. I was planning on staying one more year while I worked on my masters, but then the landlord ambushed me with a demand for a two year lease and 100,000 per month fee hike. It really got me thinking about what exactly was I accomplishing here and if I was merely delaying the inevitable. I'm going to be 27 next month. I need work experience in my field of study. So I decided the time had come to move on. Just got off the phone with the girl I've been seeing, and she hung up and won't answer my phone calls. I'm leaving a job that made me happy, a close group of friends and associates, my own apartment, and the general feeling of familiarity for a trip back to mom's house, friends that have been or are getting married, and an uncertain job hunt.
Has anyone gone back after an extended stay here? How bad was the transition (culture shock). I'm trying to brace myself but feel it's a futile effort.
I know this was inevitable but damn it hurts so goddamn much......

[unknownx]

I've been in Korea for three years. I was planning on staying one more year while I worked on my masters, but then the landlord ambushed me with a demand for a two year lease and 100,000 per month fee hike. It really got me thinking about what exactly was I accomplishing here and if I was merely delaying the inevitable. I'm going to be 27 next month. I need work experience in my field of study. So I decided the time had come to move on. Just got off the phone with the girl I've been seeing, and she hung up and won't answer my phone calls. I'm leaving a job that made me happy, a close group of friends and associates, my own apartment, and the general feeling of familiarity for a trip back to mom's house, friends that have been or are getting married, and an uncertain job hunt.
Has anyone gone back after an extended stay here? How bad was the transition (culture shock). I'm trying to brace myself but feel it's a futile effort.
I know this was inevitable but damn it hurts so goddamn much......

Three years? Wow that's pretty long. I've only been here 8 months I can't wait to go home. I just turned 24. Maybe that one girl was expecting you to marry her?

[ejmclaine]

Are you me?

[daveb]

...If it's just about the landlord/rent situation - can't you just find another place to live? Or subliminally, did you use that as the excuse/reason to leave your GF and move on? Just wondering...  ;)

[nikita36]

Hey there.  I was in the Peace Corps for three years and never once made it home during my service.  What you'll find (and what every other volunteer told me) when you get home is that absolutely nothing has changed.  After about two weeks it will be like you never left.  Most of your friends will pretty much be doing the exact some things as they were before you left, except some may be married, others have children, and more than likely most will have put on some weight.  You'll be just fine.

[sweet_potato]

So go home! Don't worry about it. You've put in enough time here. If you go home and can't find a job or whatever - then just come back! I'm sure you miss your friends and family and that since you left, I'm sure you haven't had a long enough break to really see everyone back there. And maybe you're right, maybe you're ready to start up back home! It's easy here, just show up with a BA and have a good job and apartment, etc. It takes a lot more back home, but sooner or later, you'll have to face it.
 

[bmsteacher]

I've been in Korea for three years. I was planning on staying one more year while I worked on my masters, but then the landlord ambushed me with a demand for a two year lease and 100,000 per month fee hike. It really got me thinking about what exactly was I accomplishing here and if I was merely delaying the inevitable. I'm going to be 27 next month. I need work experience in my field of study. So I decided the time had come to move on. Just got off the phone with the girl I've been seeing, and she hung up and won't answer my phone calls. I'm leaving a job that made me happy, a close group of friends and associates, my own apartment, and the general feeling of familiarity for a trip back to mom's house, friends that have been or are getting married, and an uncertain job hunt.
Has anyone gone back after an extended stay here? How bad was the transition (culture shock). I'm trying to brace myself but feel it's a futile effort.
I know this was inevitable but damn it hurts so goddamn much......

I found the culture shock as bad going back as when I first moved to Korea (over five years ago).  It will take time to readjust, so it's best to be patient. It helped me to focus on the perceived 'positives' of returning home: access to family and friends, language comprehension (although this isn't a big deal for everyone), the environment, etc.  That helped me when I felt pretty down about being back in North America.   

[ntlwng]

I can't wait to go back either and I haven't even hit 6 months. It's like living in a bubble here. You can make friends and have fun but you can't build a real life and future here which is why I'm already thinking about all of the positive aspects of returning home. This place has made me appreciate the blessings I have at home like no other. So many people are slaves to their mortgage and kids right now that you have to be grateful that you can at least push through in the job market without those factors weighing you down. Try to focus more on the things you have going for you and also start looking for a job now.

It seems like the girl you've been seeing has some very unrealistic expectations about your relationship. She can't expect you to stay in Korea for her. Hopefully she'll calm down so you can at least leave on good terms. If not, then you're better off to find a better match.

[zachmokpo]

I'm just finishing my third year and will be heading home in four days to the next chapter in life. Look at the next part of your life as a new chapter with new beginnings, etc. I've generally had a great time in Korea but am ready to move onto the next big thing. Adjusting will be hard at times but is not impossible.

[leporello]

I can only speak for myself, but when I went back to New Zealand after 2 1/2 years, I found it pretty tough...

It's all the things you forget from home that's difficult to get used to, and misunderstandings between friends and family because you're not used to being back home...Yeah, it's definitely a hell of a culture shock... And the job market is pretty difficult to deal with as well, especially when you've been away for so long..

I understand exactly what you mean... Korea is an easy country to live in, but it's too easy to get stuck in a rut doing the foreign teacher thing...

Best of luck with the decision you make
L

[DWAEDGIMORIGUKBAP]

Sounds like you are bearing the furits of a hastilly made decision my man.

Yes, i have dome the same thin and regretted it terribly.

First of all is the lifestyle comedown.  Going from saving a grand or more a month, having an apt to myself, being able to eat out everyday, have a job which let's face it has a low level of responsibility and actual work - to working the old 9-5, living in parent;s house or shared housing and not being able to save half as much money or have as good a lifestyle - it sucked big hairy ones.

my advice to people in your situation is always the same.  Do not leave until you have a plan for what you're going to do when you get back and enough money to carry the plan out, plus a few grand extra for miscellaeny or emergencies etc.

No wonder your gf is pissed off.  You told her over the phone!  You didn't even build up to it by discussing it with her in person and taking some time to think about the decision before announcing it.

Don't get me wrong, I did EXACTLY  what you did and lost the girl ultimately because I didn't share with her enough.  Girls will usually stick by you through hard times as long as you don't push them away or shut them out, which guys can tend to do as they're afraid to show weakness.

Man I regretted leaving here broke, with no plan for when I got back and I had a crappy job which I hated!  If I were you, I'd slow the hell down and stop panic making decisions.  Tell yourself, ok I Am going to leave, but I'll put it off for 6 months whilst i make an actual plan and tie up all my loose ends at the same time.  Give yourself time to get your head around it.  So you'll pay 600k more in rent?  Oh, the deposit and 2 yr lease, i do understand that and my advice is simple - move out and sign another 1 yr lease elsewhere and then if you break it, it really doesn't cost too much.

Anyway slow down if you can and realise that 1 year later the same opportunities in life will be before you as now.  You really will not be in a different position whether you leave today or in a year, except you'll be better prepare dand have more moeny of course.

All that said if you can;t bear being here right now - then gtf out.  Otherwise, slow the hell down, gain perspective and make a decision when you're in a less anxious frame of mind.  in a few weeks tim your issues may not seem a fraction as real or serious as you think they are.....

My last piece of advice is to et the support of your friends here and talk to them, it helps no end.

[KevinTeacher84]

I live on the fourth floor of an elevator-less apartment. It cost me
Nearly a million won to rent a truck with a lift, movers, and to reinstall the air conditioning. I have to pay car insurance in August, which will be an additional 550,000 won. To top it off, if I were to resign  my overtime rate would drop from 33,000 won/hour to 25,000 won. I currently can leave whenever my classes finish, and get over two months vacation. I will lose that flexibility next contract.
I was debating whether staying another year was the right choice, so this was merely
The straw that broke the Kevin teacher's back.
I think it's so easier to fall into the trap of comfort and familiarity here, when the rug can be pulled from underneath you at any time.
Thanks for the advice...I hope it is as easy a transition as you made it sound!

[Ectofuego]

To be honest, unless you are planning on teaching when you go back home, this work experience doesnt offer much.  I know many people who go home and take forever to find work.  Make a plan and don't be hasty about it.  If you want to go home, what will you do for a living.  Plan it out.  If you can get education online, go ahead and do that.  Heck, I have considered signing a year contract and applying for jobs at home.  When you get a job at home, give your notice to the school and say that you need to start building a life.

The job market here for teachers is going to continue to shrink as more and more koreans feel they are copentant teaching english without a native teacher.  There is normally an age limit to teacher here as well.  After a certain age, it becomes increasingly difficult to get a school as many are predjustice to that.

[ThulsaDoom]

It seems like the girl you've been seeing has some very unrealistic expectations about your relationship. She can't expect you to stay in Korea for her. Hopefully she'll calm down so you can at least leave on good terms. If not, then you're better off to find a better match.

Haha, what?  How can you throw any sort of blame or negativity on her?  I don't know the details of the op's situation nor if it was just casual or serious.  But I've heard the same situation a million times.  If it was serious, her expectations aren't out of the ordinary and her reaction should be expected.  Over the phone?  Please...

Best of luck op.

[Sheba11]

I went home after three years as well.  I quit a job i loved (and had been at the same place for all 3 years), a place I loved, a great group of friends, and a boyfriend...  Everything in me was saying STAY!!!  But you know, 3 years was my original plan, and I needed to go back to graduate studies back home. 

I got home and even though everything was great at first, it wasnt long before I hit a wall.  I never experienced culture shock in Korea but the reverse culture shock I got going home was pretty bad.  Korea had been my whole life for the past 3 years, but you know what?  no one really cares.  Their lives had been continuing as usual except that I wasnt in it and then I got back and that was fine but beyond the first couple of weeks, they werent interested in the life I had while I was away.  It was a hard truth.  So much about me had changed, but like others have said, home hadnt changed at all.  The things people did in everyday life just wasnt stimulating enough for me anymore, I was bored and felt quite alone seeing as no one could understand or relate to my experiences or feelings.  I missed Korea a lot.

I lasted 4 months before coming back.

I hope it will be easier for you, but just be prepared for the possibility!

[KevinTeacher84]

As for breaking the news over the phone, it is something I did regrettably. We've been together for over  year, but she goes to school, recently began teaching week nights at a hagwon, and returns home most weekends to her hometown.
I wish I could have done it in a more direct matter, but I don't know the next time that will be possible.
I have enough money saved up that I could live reasonably comfortably, (provided I stay at home or find an apartment at Korean prices, not likely) and at least I'll have more time to work on my school obligations.

[the mighty sergio]

I can't wait to go back either and I haven't even hit 6 months. It's like living in a bubble here. You can make friends and have fun but you can't build a real life and future here which is why I'm already thinking about all of the positive aspects of returning home. This place has made me appreciate the blessings I have at home like no other. So many people are slaves to their mortgage and kids right now that you have to be grateful that you can at least push through in the job market without those factors weighing you down. Try to focus more on the things you have going for you and also start looking for a job now.

It seems like the girl you've been seeing has some very unrealistic expectations about your relationship. She can't expect you to stay in Korea for her. Hopefully she'll calm down so you can at least leave on good terms. If not, then you're better off to find a better match.

So if you can't build a, "real life," here what do you think all the people who have been here for 7,8 years or more have been doing? Living a fake life? Don't make such sweeping generalisations based on your own experiences, they do not apply to everyone.

[k.l.]

I can't wait to go back either and I haven't even hit 6 months. It's like living in a bubble here. You can make friends and have fun but you can't build a real life and future here which is why I'm already thinking about all of the positive aspects of returning home. This place has made me appreciate the blessings I have at home like no other. So many people are slaves to their mortgage and kids right now that you have to be grateful that you can at least push through in the job market without those factors weighing you down. Try to focus more on the things you have going for you and also start looking for a job now.

It seems like the girl you've been seeing has some very unrealistic expectations about your relationship. She can't expect you to stay in Korea for her. Hopefully she'll calm down so you can at least leave on good terms. If not, then you're better off to find a better match.

So if you can't build a, "real life," here what do you think all the people who have been here for 7,8 years or more have been doing? Living a fake life? Don't make such sweeping generalisations based on your own experiences, they do not apply to everyone.

Hey, I'm a long time teacher too and married. The thread is not addressing what is a "real life". It is about the poster's issues. Don't read it if you don't like it.

OP, don't fret so much. The only big issue is what people are saying. You will be facing a much slower job market but, how you tailor your resume and make a solid plan can really help out. Go the extra mile in your planning...get your resume out to headhunters and HR firms. Resumes and cover letters are a form of art. If you are able to, and you should be able to, relate the experieces at your job with work in almost any field.

Cheer up, there are many opportunities. Yes...there is a pitfall to working abroad. Similarily, if you do not have a life plan and intention to build up skills and career, you can get caught up in the life here until you are not as marketable at home. So, just make sure you know where you want to be and for how long.

Good luck, I'm sure you will find something amazing.

[ThulsaDoom]

As for breaking the news over the phone, it is something I did regrettably. We've been together for over  year, but she goes to school, recently began teaching week nights at a hagwon, and returns home most weekends to her hometown.
I wish I could have done it in a more direct matter, but I don't know the next time that will be possible.
I have enough money saved up that I could live reasonably comfortably, (provided I stay at home or find an apartment at Korean prices, not likely) and at least I'll have more time to work on my school obligations.

Yeah, wasn't judging you at all and I'm not in your situation.  If it makes you feel any better, I had an ex-gf here break up with me over email.   :D

Being around your friends and family will help the transition a lot back home.  If you can come here with neither of those, think how easier it's going to be with a good support network already there.  Again, best of luck and don't stress too much about the job search.  Everyone goes through that.

[lbdb3l]

I can't wait to go back either and I haven't even hit 6 months. It's like living in a bubble here. You can make friends and have fun but you can't build a real life and future here which is why I'm already thinking about all of the positive aspects of returning home. This place has made me appreciate the blessings I have at home like no other. So many people are slaves to their mortgage and kids right now that you have to be grateful that you can at least push through in the job market without those factors weighing you down. Try to focus more on the things you have going for you and also start looking for a job now.

It seems like the girl you've been seeing has some very unrealistic expectations about your relationship. She can't expect you to stay in Korea for her. Hopefully she'll calm down so you can at least leave on good terms. If not, then you're better off to find a better match.

So if you can't build a, "real life," here what do you think all the people who have been here for 7,8 years or more have been doing? Living a fake life? Don't make such sweeping generalisations based on your own experiences, they do not apply to everyone.

Agreed. I've been here for 9 months now and am renewing for another year. It didn't take me long to make good friends and I think what has helped a lot is I got really involved in my town: I have a number of Korean friends that I hang out with and am part of a Korean club volleyball team (Our city's volleyball association president even knows me by name! But that could be since I'm the only foreigner in the league...) I don't plan on going home this summer vacation ~ instead I'm going to England to visit my sister.

From personal experience I don't know if I had much of a shock coming here. I'm used to new situations - my sister and brother are both in the military so I'm used to visiting them all over the world. After college graduation I picked up and moved from California to Virginia on a whim (now THAT was a culture shock....). And two years later I'm here in Korea. I guess for me it's about making a home/life wherever you may be and fully enjoying the time you have there rather than living the regrets of not being somewhere else. If you want to be somewhere else then just make it happen. =)