So hard.....(going home)

[luanam]

well said tom1986!

Kevin- I wish you all the best in the future- ultimately, you are the only one who knows what's best for you and your happiness
cheers!

[Hearts]

Why are you going home? I feel the exact same way, I feel like going home! My time here has been so hard and stressfull!

[wafflebunny]

OP, please! You been here a long time. Some people can't make it past three months. You paid your dues and maybe you need to be in a newer setting. It's okay. Don't feel bad! And forget your landlord! Leave if you want and get your education. The economy is still bad, too bad to be too complacent.

[hankmcmasters]

i dont think you should think of this as moving back home as much as a transition in general.
i had a difficult time after high school, after college, and after leaving korea.  each time there were surprises.  i'm sure there will be more the next time i change something up. 

leaving korea was actually vey easy, and so was returning home.  i especially enjoyed the food.  it was only after i started my next job that it became clear that i'd abandoned a much better life back in Korea.  or maybe it was when my  korean savings ran out and i was paying 100 dollars a week for gas, and buses sucked, and my phone was too expensive and crappy.

 maybe staying in korea isn't really getting me anywhere, but i know people with ivy league degrees that work in sandwich shops making 10 dollars an hour.  that's REALLY getting nowhere.

[litemupok]

Hey there.  I was in the Peace Corps for three years and never once made it home during my service.  What you'll find (and what every other volunteer told me) when you get home is that absolutely nothing has changed.  After about two weeks it will be like you never left.  Most of your friends will pretty much be doing the exact some things as they were before you left, except some may be married, others have children, and more than likely most will have put on some weight.  You'll be just fine.

this is excellent encouragement and very well put. cheers

[rogue85]

Do you want to go home or do you feel obliged to go home? If you're happy here why leave? Sometimes it's difficult choosing between what makes you happy and what you feel you need to do because that is what you planned and you need to see it through.
I really don't think you should leave if you don't want to. Life is too damn short for obligations.

[travelinpantsgirl]

Hey there.  I was in the Peace Corps for three years and never once made it home during my service.  What you'll find (and what every other volunteer told me) when you get home is that absolutely nothing has changed.  After about two weeks it will be like you never left.  Most of your friends will pretty much be doing the exact some things as they were before you left, except some may be married, others have children, and more than likely most will have put on some weight.  You'll be just fine.

this is excellent encouragement and very well put. cheers

This is nice encouragement but honestly, I think nikita had a unique nice experience upon return because I was in the PC as well in Romania and several of my PC friends and I have discussed this endlessly. NONE of us came back as if nothing was different, because it was, or rather WE were. Someone else mentioned here perfectly, life feels mundane and no one understands living abroad unless they've done it, so they're not interested but they expect that you will interested in their lives that perhaps haven't changed all that much but doesn't interest you anymore. After the honeymoon phase of returning home, especially if you are in your late 20s making the return, you will find a rough adjustment, especially since the job market still sucks in the US. Go home if you need to (it is a personal choice after all) but be prepared for it to be a rough ride. It took me almost a year to feel normal again, and almost another year to feel completely acclimated again. And then I came here...haha.

[rjhisle1973]

Personally It comes down to what makes you happy and what do you want. I
There are some great things about going home but as you know and people have already posted people really can't appreciate our lives that we live in Korea, plus I know from experience that every time I go home nothing really does change with my friends, and that can be discouraging since so much of my life has changed and grown here.
So think of this way, home is where the familiarity is, but Korea has given us opportunities, and experiences that we can't find back in our homes, plus for those of us who have Korean GFs or wives, finding the right match doesn't happen everyday, why lose that special someone just so you can go back to a "normal" life back home?

[DWAEDGIMORIGUKBAP]

Personally It comes down to what makes you happy and what do you want. I
There are some great things about going home but as you know and people have already posted people really can't appreciate our lives that we live in Korea, plus I know from experience that every time I go home nothing really does change with my friends, and that can be discouraging since so much of my life has changed and grown here.
So think of this way, home is where the familiarity is, but Korea has given us opportunities, and experiences that we can't find back in our homes, plus for those of us who have Korean GFs or wives, finding the right match doesn't happen everyday, why lose that special someone just so you can go back to a "normal" life back home?

Honestly, I hate to generalise but so many of my male foriegn friends get in 'relationships' with Korean girls out of desperation for caompanionship and sex and never plan for it to be a serious relationship and even tell the women that.  Of course the Koean woman thinks 'well we are sleeping together, I'm cleaning his clothes and apt and we do romatnic things on special occaisions and comfort each other wehn we're down' and they take note of the actions more than the 'let's just keep it casual' dicussions.

Then the guy gets the existential jitters, is afraid to admit to himself he has kind of used her when he sees how hurt she is and breaks out of his unreality bubble and starts geting the shakes over what he's actually doing with his life then it's bye bye baby bye bye.

Yeah I'm a cynic on that isssue.  With good reason.

[rjhisle1973]

Honestly, I hate to generalise but so many of my male foriegn friends get in 'relationships' with Korean girls out of desperation for caompanionship and sex and never plan for it to be a serious relationship and even tell the women that.  Of course the Koean woman thinks 'well we are sleeping together, I'm cleaning his clothes and apt and we do romatnic things on special occaisions and comfort each other wehn we're down' and they take note of the actions more than the 'let's just keep it casual' dicussions.

Then the guy gets the existential jitters, is afraid to admit to himself he has kind of used her when he sees how hurt she is and breaks out of his unreality bubble and starts geting the shakes over what he's actually doing with his life then it's bye bye baby bye bye.

Yeah I'm a cynic on that isssue.  With good reason.


Ok that does sound cynical. Now Nobody can help it if the guy makes it clear that this is just "casual" and she thinks its something else, that's on her. I know that when I came to Korea I wasn't really thinking about a serious relationship but the longer I stayed the more I liked Korea, and the more I liked the women here than back home, that is until I went out with one that was so terrible she turned me into a woman hater. But thankfully I met a very nice woman and that's who I married.
Having said that there are some definite pros and cons of dating here. The big con here for me is that too many of the women, especially the younger women live in a fantasy world, where what they see on TV is what they expect romance to be like, and quite frankly a lot of them are just lazy and want a man who has a lot of money to buy them many expensive things with them never working again. From my experience it really is all about the money with a lot of these chicks here. Wait now I'm starting to sound like a cynic ;)

[hilarity ensues]

Someone said 'nothing changes'-- actually things do change, but they change slowly and subtly. If you're here a year and go back, barring some sort of huge disaster, you'll be met with a few subtle changes that will be easy to adjust to. If you're here two years, those changes will be less subtle, but you still might be able to adjust to them. The only time it's a real shock is when you're away and suddenly you're getting the full of effect of all of the subtle changes... plus the changes that you yourself have gone through in Korea.

If you are going back, make sure that you have a plan and if you've been here a while don't just throw yourself into a completely new situation because that's what I did and it was agony. I can handle a lot of things, and have been in some pretty desperate situations in some pretty dangerous/wild/dodgy areas of some third world countries without panicking, but going back to being a student with absolutely zero free time, a tight budget and having to impress a bunch of a-holes who I couldn't respect or connect with on any level was probably the most intensely unbearable experience of my entire life... and aside from some sort of masochistic ego trip I couldn't think of too many reasons to continue to put myself through it, especially when the prospects that it promised me were shady at best.

I suppose there's always hope and potential-- but you have to have a pretty solid plan worked out, as opposed to doing it because it's what you're expected to do.

[RatnaMH]

Ok that does sound cynical. Now Nobody can help it if the guy makes it clear that this is just "casual" and she thinks its something else, that's on her.

Yeah but I think the poster illustrated the psychological reasoning behind why a woman or man for that matter would end up thinking that it was anything but...

Whose responsible in that? And you are assuming that everyone can compartmentalize a long term relationship emotionally as a "fling". Many people from many cultures are not conditioned to think that way even if they attempt to.
Heck people here can't do it.

[DWAEDGIMORIGUKBAP]

Ok that does sound cynical. Now Nobody can help it if the guy makes it clear that this is just "casual" and she thinks its something else, that's on her.

Yeah but I think the poster illustrated the psychological reasoning behind why a woman or man for that matter would end up thinking that it was anything but...

Whose responsible in that? And you are assuming that everyone can compartmentalize a long term relationship emotionally as a "fling". Many people from many cultures are not conditioned to think that way even if they attempt to.
Heck people here can't do it.

Exactamundo.  As a friend once told me - if you just want to _________, then say so, but just don't lead me on elsewhere with any romantic bs you don't actually mean.

If it's just casual, act like it.  Don't let the girl clean your atp, stay at your apt for more than one night, do romantic things on birthdays, let them comfort you when you're having a bad time etc etc....

And yeah i've been that guy too.

[heyitslep]

OP, if you're concerned about finding a life back home that'd feel more international, then maybe move to a more international city and look for a life / work there. After all, you should have some pocket money after all of this, so why not use it to your advantage and move to some place new back home?

[Olga]

Hey OP,

I too, was in the Peace Corps as someone else mentioned.  I had a bit of a harder time adjusting in the sense that ... everything stayed the same but I had changed completely.  My friends were still working the same jobs, driving the same cars, buying the same things, going out to the same places when in fact, for a very very long time I was learning how to build homes out of mud, experiencing the worst heat waves ever and running away from black mambas in my backyard.  In other words, what I'm trying to say is that it will be inevitable to feel lonely and even misunderstood.  I remember people asking me how "Africa was" as if I had just been on a two week trip.  You'll want to say SO much about Korea and it might fall in deaf ears.

Home is ultimately where you choose.  And you will find yourself acclimated and in a much better position to find a job that suits you.  Korea will always be here if you want to come back.  I am planning on visiting my village in Africa sometime this year.  I wish you everything positive and smooth in this world and just know that there are a bunch of waygooks here that understand YOU perfectly.

HAPPY TRAILS!!!!

[rjhisle1973]

Ok that does sound cynical. Now Nobody can help it if the guy makes it clear that this is just "casual" and she thinks its something else, that's on her.

Yeah but I think the poster illustrated the psychological reasoning behind why a woman or man for that matter would end up thinking that it was anything but...

Whose responsible in that? And you are assuming that everyone can compartmentalize a long term relationship emotionally as a "fling". Many people from many cultures are not conditioned to think that way even if they attempt to.
Heck people here can't do it.

I thought about what I posted, and while it is true that if a man/woman says that's keep things "casual" that should be the expectation, but it's also true that someone can say "casual" and contradict that with romantic messages on birthdays, long term dating etc. So it gets down to people being honest with their words, deeds and intentions. Nobody should get hurt just to fulfill someone's desire for companionship, curiosity etc.

[ac3824a]

Hey OP,

I too, was in the Peace Corps as someone else mentioned.  I had a bit of a harder time adjusting in the sense that ... everything stayed the same but I had changed completely.  My friends were still working the same jobs, driving the same cars, buying the same things, going out to the same places when in fact, for a very very long time I was learning how to build homes out of mud, experiencing the worst heat waves ever and running away from black mambas in my backyard.  In other words, what I'm trying to say is that it will be inevitable to feel lonely and even misunderstood.  I remember people asking me how "Africa was" as if I had just been on a two week trip.  You'll want to say SO much about Korea and it might fall in deaf ears.

Home is ultimately where you choose.  And you will find yourself acclimated and in a much better position to find a job that suits you.  Korea will always be here if you want to come back.  I am planning on visiting my village in Africa sometime this year.  I wish you everything positive and smooth in this world and just know that there are a bunch of waygooks here that understand YOU perfectly.

HAPPY TRAILS!!!!

Like some of the other posters here I was a PCV.  Returning home after two years in Africa was hard because of the jump from living in a hut with no running water and no electricity to living in an apartment with utility bills to pay.
I'm hoping that because I have an actual apartment in Korea, going home in a year won't be as much of a shock

[jman_82_99]

How long are you planning to teach in Korea ? What other job(s) can you have in Korea besides being an ESL teacher ? If you're tired of teaching and living in Korea and you feel you need to move on with your life, then you should head back home and find another job or do something with your life. There is no career with any us in EPIK. Good luck ! :)

[cinamon]

Unless you have a clear plan of what to do, you shouldn't go back just yet. 

In States there are lots of people who want to live abroad, when you live abroad there are lots of people who think life would be easier back home.  The grass isn't always greener on the other side.  Your life is what you make of it.

[KevinTeacher84]

Just as a follow up I've decided to stick around for another year and apply for a graduate program in a degree I actually care about. Hope to meet some of you in person some day! If you're ever in the Asan-Cheonan area, give me a shout!