Dealing with student suicide(s) or attempted suicide(s)

[jeonjuhustle]

Our Japanese language teacher committed suicide last night or this morning. It was and is still shocking to all of us at our school. I'm sure that not all the middle school students here at our school know what happened, the cause, or even suicide itself. I'm just curious how the Korean public school system handles these situations.

[cruisemonkey]

Mod Edit: Insensitive comment in relation to the original post.

[sheila]

Please be sensitive to the situation.  This is obviously a touchy subject and the OP is looking for advice on what could potentially happen within her school atmosphere.  Not a joke about it... The students are going to find out eventually and it's a pretty serious matter within a school, especially for the middle school 3rd graders taking her classes. Please leave constructive comments for the OP.  Thanks guys.

[woman-king]

I don't have any real advice but wanted to extend my sympathy to you and your school.  I'm fortunate to not have had to deal with any suicides of teachers or students at my school, but I know the possibility is higher here than at home and I dread it.  Feedback from NETs who have dealt with this could help the rest of us be mentally prepared.

[bjinglee]

This occurred in my school over winter break. I didn't know the teacher, but there was a funeral for him that many of the teachers went to. It's often customary to help pay for funeral expenses as was the case in my school, and there was a collection taken up for this. As for the students, I'm not sure what or if they were told anything since it was during vacation though I'm sure word leaked out eventually. From what I heard, he was a well liked teacher. Really sad that someone felt that was the only option not to mention what his wife and kids must still be going through. 

[SpaceRook]

A student at my school recently committed suicide.  I was told the morning after it happened.  Originally I was just told that he died, but as the day went on, I found out it was a suicide.  That evening, I went with some teachers, the principal, and students to a memorial service at the hospital.  Seeing the look in the father's eyes was definitely one of the low points of my time here in Korea. 

I was told not to discuss the issue with the students, or to just say "I don't know" if I was asked questions.  No students ever approached me about it.  He was a special needs student, so I don't think many of the students knew him personally. 

[pyeager]

One school I worked at had a student that committed suicide. Not much was really done, apparently because of the "shameful" nature of his death. So, I don't know what they're going to tell the students at your school, or when they're going to tell them, or who's going to tell them. It might be the case that they'll just say the Japanese teacher doesn't work at the school anymore. At any rate, I would keep quiet and avoid talking about any details with students until you hear something definitive from your co-teacher. Awkward and terrible situation for everybody, but toe the school's line carefully. This is certainly not the time for a practical lesson about western culture.

[Andyroo]

It's strange that Korea has so many rules about disguising voices and faces in the media but there ok with reporting something was a suicide immediately.

In Australia the media have an unwritten quote that it's only suspected and they are very careful not to confirm suicide early, all because of the fear of copycats.

I previously thought this was unnecessary when I lived in Australia but now I have a different perspective.

[jdniii]

We had a student commit suicide at my middle school last week.  I know all the stereotypes about Asia and dealing with shame, but hearing about it and witnessing it are two different things. 

I could tell something was going on because there was a lot of whispering going on around the office.  Then they sent out a message saying today is a dark day, don't let students hang around after school and whatever you do don't talk about it or tell other schools.  That was it! No memorial service and no mention of it.  No tears at all, not even from the kids homeroom teacher.  The next day they played a suicide video which was very perky and bizarre.  The principal made a small speech telling the students not to do the same thing because it is really embarrassing for a family! 

[Yu_Bumsuk]

They'll put a bunch of flowers on his / her desk and after school all of the teachers will go together or in groups to the 'funeral', which is really more like a wake. Teachers will donate around W30-100,000 depending on how well they knew him / her. If it was a homeroom teacher the students from his / her homeroom will likely attend, too. You'll go into the memorial room and the senior member of your party will pour a libation and everyone will bow twice, palms on the ground and forehead touching the ground. Then you'll turn and bow once to the relatives the same way. Just follow what everyone else is doing. Later on there may be some kind of memorial service at your school.

[S.Lee]

Its really strange that this topic came up today... just this morning another teacher asked me for advice regarding a student that has attempted suicide... (i have a degree in child psych, so its kinda valid)

Anyways to the OP I'd say try to go with the flow, i think this would be a bad time to say "no" to any requests the school asks of you (regarding the funeral, donations, etc)
Towards the students, I'd try not to act like today was different from any other day. its a good time to play the "i dont know, i'm a foreigner" card with the students

it tears my heart to hear about suicides... my condolences

[Koradian]

Do you mind If I ask which city this happened in? The Japanese teacher at my school is worried it may be one of her friends.

[Jozigirl]

Do you mind If I ask which city this happened in? The Japanese teacher at my school is worried it may be one of her friends.

Jeonju judging from the OP's profile.

[SpaceRook]

It's strange that Korea has so many rules about disguising voices and faces in the media but there ok with reporting something was a suicide immediately.

In Australia the media have an unwritten quote that it's only suspected and they are very careful not to confirm suicide early, all because of the fear of copycats.

I previously thought this was unnecessary when I lived in Australia but now I have a different perspective.

There is some evidence that suicides increase when the media reports on a suicide.  As a result, most news agencies in the the US do not report on suicides.  (Of course, there is an exception for major public figures).  If some random guy throws himself on the train tracks in Washington DC, all you'll hear on the news is "There were delays on the DC metro this morning." 

[mamaujeni]

I am so sorry to hear about your school's tragic loss.  I wish you all the very best and my thoughts are with the students in your school who have been touched by this shocking event.

I'm sorry, as I don't know how schools react in Korea to traumatic deaths, but perhaps the below can help?

The samaritans, Contact Youth and NICE in the UK all have great literature on supporting people bereaved by suicide.

http://www.carecallwellbeing.com/SiteDocuments/Leaflets/niamh_bereavement.pdf

http://www.samaritans.org/your_emotional_health/about_suicide/bereaved_by_suicide.aspx

http://www.dh.gov.uk/prod_consum_dh/groups/dh_digitalassets/@dh/@en/documents/digitalasset/dh_092247.pdf

Best wishes.

[Gunpo_Erin]

I am so sorry to hear about the teacher at your school. 

I don't think it is openly discussed here as it would be in our own countries.  I would ask a co-worker on how to deal with it if any of the kids approach you.  There very well may be a "protocol" at your school as how to proceed on how/what you are able to discuss with the kids.

[justanotherwaygook]

They'll put a bunch of flowers on his / her desk and after school all of the teachers will go together or in groups to the 'funeral', which is really more like a wake. Teachers will donate around W30-100,000 depending on how well they knew him / her. If it was a homeroom teacher the students from his / her homeroom will likely attend, too. You'll go into the memorial room and the senior member of your party will pour a libation and everyone will bow twice, palms on the ground and forehead touching the ground. Then you'll turn and bow once to the relatives the same way. Just follow what everyone else is doing. Later on there may be some kind of memorial service at your school.

I should add that the situation is a bit different at Christian services.  There's is no deep bowing (hands/heads to the ground) for the deceased.  One still puts a flower on the little altar (usually along with others, like your co-workers).  You then just stand in front of the alter (praying, I suppose; I just stood there).  You then greet the family but just give regular bows.

[Canucktim]

Two of my middle school students committed suicide together shortly after I started working in Korea, over a year ago. I was told not to talk about it, but the students clearly knew what had happened. I asked my co-teacher about it and she said that the school had brought in counselors for the kids to talk to, so that was good at least.

[Yu_Bumsuk]

They'll put a bunch of flowers on his / her desk and after school all of the teachers will go together or in groups to the 'funeral', which is really more like a wake. Teachers will donate around W30-100,000 depending on how well they knew him / her. If it was a homeroom teacher the students from his / her homeroom will likely attend, too. You'll go into the memorial room and the senior member of your party will pour a libation and everyone will bow twice, palms on the ground and forehead touching the ground. Then you'll turn and bow once to the relatives the same way. Just follow what everyone else is doing. Later on there may be some kind of memorial service at your school.

I should add that the situation is a bit different at Christian services.  There's is no deep bowing (hands/heads to the ground) for the deceased.  One still puts a flower on the little altar (usually along with others, like your co-workers).  You then just stand in front of the alter (praying, I suppose; I just stood there).  You then greet the family but just give regular bows.

Yes this is true. However, it can get a bit complicated when part of the family is Christian and part isn't. Then various guests may pay respects in either form. If you don't want to go through all the rituals you can just say you're Christian (or if you really are Christian and don't like bowing to dead people) and just stand for a moment looking down instead of bowing.

[sweet_potato]

That's terrible. I was sorry to hear about it.

Last week was a 2 year anniversary of the previous Korean president's death (which was a suicide). What people normally do on year anniversaries is visit the person's hometown (where some sort of memorial is put up, I imagine). But because he committed suicide, there were mixed feelings about whether or not to go to pay respects. My coteacher told me that a lot of Koreans are starting to understand and accept it, but a lot of them feel embarrassment for it. Just thought I'd share, since this was going around our office last week.