I don't like a student! Advice, please?

[H.W.]

:)Don't think seriously. It is not good for your mental and physical health.And It is not your fault. When he become old. He will cahnge in the future.

Even if he doesn't change, all we can do is our best as teacher.  Kindness and compassion are our only real weapons.

[bryn22]

Thanks, everyone, for the compassionate, great advice. It's really helped me come to terms with my attitude towards this child. 

I would like to say I am not qualified to make a medical diagnosis at all. I am not a PhD.  My father worked for 30 years as a BD teacher and Special Education teacher. I spent an intensive summer counseling at a camp for disabled people and four years working closely with disadvantaged and disabled populations. This, however, does not make me an expert. I never claimed such. I did not ask for help with how to control children with specific issues or behaviors. I just wanted to convey that the child is not a simple "a-hole." He has special needs. Whatever his diagnosis, I understand that the child has more going on than just being a "jerk." Simple jerks don't evacuate entire classrooms with screaming, furniture-throwing, hours-long meltdowns. The horrible things he does are a symptom of much larger problems. Whether ADHD in combination with other disorders and a horrible family life (which I very strongly suspect although I can't make a clinical diagnosis, of course!), I wanted people to know the full story in a concise post so they could help me come to terms with unpleasant emotions.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone for helping so much.  :D

[aq8knyus]

I would ask your dad, he seems like he has useful expertise.

[andreab]

"The child who deserves love the least probably needs it the most."  - This quote is very true.  As stated, this child's parents abandoned him and from that action, it is probable that they abused him in some/many way/s his entire life.  To belittle him and call him names, like someone advised, in my opinion, will only make things worse- continuing and perpetuating the negative cycle that this child lives in.  I have learned from past experiences with "troubled" students is that they will be mean to you and their peers for a certain amount of time but if you keep showing them that you trust that they are intrinsically good at their core and you see past their bad behavior, then they will change.   

[bryn22]

I would ask your dad, he seems like he has useful expertise.

I did! My dad is my best resource. Before I posted, I called him for advice on behavior modification for BD students. That's why I only asked on this forum about how waygook teachers deal with disliking a student and remain professional. My dad is helping with the rest 

[aq8knyus]

@OP

I  have never disliked a kid and it’s not good to think of kids in terms of like or dislike, try thinking of them as just kids. If you think of them in that dismissive manner you will rarely be bothered by a kid again.
Also punishment, it will make your relationship more functional. If you start investing compassion and love as others have said there is chance you could also develop the negative mirror of those emotions. None of these things belong in a classroom.

@andreab

You'll find in life a + b rarely = c, so being nice to the kid will make him nice in return? Bingo job done! Except that assuming that this child suffers from the litany of disorders ascribed to him by the OP I doubt it will be as straightforward as showing ‘love’. Also how long will you be at the school how many lessons do you have together how much progress can be made. He won’t get much love during his army training.
The most important thing is that the class functions and that the other kids get the education they deserve. Punish the child for naughty behaviour.

[makeshiftb0y]

During student teaching, my cooperating teacher told me this, which I think is true: "You don't have to like every student; you just have to be fair."

[bryn22]

@OP

I  have never disliked a kid and it’s not good to think of kids in terms of like or dislike, try thinking of them as just kids. If you think of them in that dismissive manner you will rarely be bothered by a kid again.
Also punishment, it will make your relationship more functional. If you start investing compassion and love as others have said there is chance you could also develop the negative mirror of those emotions. None of these things belong in a classroom.

@andreab

You'll find in life a + b rarely = c, so being nice to the kid will make him nice in return? Bingo job done! Except that assuming that this child suffers from the litany of disorders ascribed to him by the OP I doubt it will be as straightforward as showing ‘love’. Also how long will you be at the school how many lessons do you have together how much progress can be made. He won’t get much love during his army training.
The most important thing is that the class functions and that the other kids get the education they deserve. Punish the child for naughty behaviour.

Thanks! I am aware that it is not a good way to think. This is the first time I've actually disliked a student in over three years of teaching here. That's why I came here for help.

I actually refer to my father and his professional BD teacher friends for advice on behavior modification, but thanks for replying! This child is a special case (shuts down completely or throws tantrums for hours when punished...literally uncontrollable when dealt with in the manner I would with a normally functioning student). Given the insight and education level of my father and his friends on this issue, I prefer to work with his advice. Again, thanks anyway! :)

[jsem]

He is 12, has anger issues, severe ADHD, and possibly mild autism.

Is that your diagnosis?