Foreigners attitude toward Koreans (and other locals)

[confusedsafferinkorea]

Here are a few thoughts.

In this country and on this forum there are several types of people's attitudes (foreigners) and I am neither condoning or condemning them. There are those who will defend Korea and its culture till their last breath, based, I think, on a kind of thought, that they owe it to Korea because 'they gave me a job/guilt' or just being plain scared to voice their opinions. Their are others who just don't give a flying fig about Korean culture and then there are those who get upset by many things and come here to blow off steam.

I would like to say that something 'being a cultural thing' does not make it morally or socially right in itself and I believe that all cultural things should be looked at in that light.  I also believe that because a country allows tourists/foreign workers into the country, that does not exempt them from scrutiny and comment with regard to their culture.

My country has many screwed up cultural things, such as lack of respect for elders, entitlement, racism, wanting everything for free from the government without working or paying taxes, having sex with a virgin to cure HIV etc, etc.  I would expect a foreigner living in my country to have a opinion and indeed express it when that culture flies in the face of good morals and social norms.  I would, therefore, apply the same logic here.

In my country not everone is like that and I would also expect a foreigner to have some positive comments too.  I think on this forum there have been many very positive threads about Korea and quite rightly so. However, when someone identifies a problem area in a culture you cannot expect them to keep quiet about it. They are entitled to their thoughts.

I would like to come back to my comment about because something is cultural it is not necessarily correct.  I have highlighted a few (and there are many more) of my own country's cultural problem areas and therefore I don't have a problem in listing some of the problems here.  I have a huge problem with the following and I feel I am allowed to comment.  They are: People spitting on foreigners, people staring at you on the subway for 30 minutes like you are some kind of freak (for goodness sake foreigners have been here for years, we are not something new), being pushed/run out of the way without an apology simply because they don't care, when I sit down on the subway the person next to me gets up and sits elsewhere, ajummas glaring at a foreign girl who has a sleeveless top on, while the Korean girl next to her is wearing only a short T-shirt and panties.

Obviously, not all Koreans are like this and I have been the recipient of untold numbers of huge acts of kindness which I will never forget, but equally I have had acts committed against me that I feel I have the right to comment on, e.g. an old man spitting on me for no reason whatsoever.

To sum up, you have the right to comment about things that concern you as long as you keep it civil and objective.  There are many Koreans who read this site and we owe it to them to say things in a respectful manner.

[Hoosier_Jedi]

hey workingtitle-

Its my 9th month here now, u might consider me as a newbie here but
i did live in shanghai for 6 years. I believe thats quite a long time to live as an expat.

Six months doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot. Heck, that's more of long stay than anything that really makes an expat.

[justanotherwaygook]

hey workingtitle-

Its my 9th month here now, u might consider me as a newbie here but
i did live in shanghai for 6 years. I believe thats quite a long time to live as an expat.

Six months doesn't mean a whole heck of a lot. Heck, that's more of long stay than anything that really makes an expat.

^years

[yeti08]

In the end who cares if people complain.  I don't get why people complain so much about people complaining.  Seems like a waste of energy.  If it helps a person let off some steam then by all means. 

[Melon]

Advice please for a wide-eyed, straight-off-the-planer: how do I avoid becoming bitter and twisted? I went out a couple of weeks ago and had a good chat to some other GETs and teachers, most of whom looked thoroughly jaded and primarily concerned with drinking to forget. As a plucky, positive human being, how do I avoid becoming cynical and depressing?

[#basedcowboyshirt]

Advice please for a wide-eyed, straight-off-the-planer: how do I avoid becoming bitter and twisted? I went out a couple of weeks ago and had a good chat to some other GETs and teachers, most of whom looked thoroughly jaded and primarily concerned with drinking to forget. As a plucky, positive human being, how do I avoid becoming cynical and depressing?

If you're plucky and positive, odds are, you're not predisposed to angst and bitterness. I wouldn't worry.

Lots of bitter people were bitter long before they came to Korea. Not to say that there's anything wrong with being cynical and jaded.

It's okay. Just stay based and be yourself. Your life is a mansion. Your personality is a mansion. Swag.

[SpaceRook]

Advice please for a wide-eyed, straight-off-the-planer: how do I avoid becoming bitter and twisted? I went out a couple of weeks ago and had a good chat to some other GETs and teachers, most of whom looked thoroughly jaded and primarily concerned with drinking to forget. As a plucky, positive human being, how do I avoid becoming cynical and depressing?

Make friends with Koreans who aren't your co-workers, teachers, or students.  Make friends with foreigners who have a healthy respect for the country and it's culture.  Usually foreign guys/gals who are married to Koreans are more positive.  If someone is poisonous, drop them from your life if possible. 

Draw a BIG RED LINE between your job and the rest of your life.  Fill your life with some regular activities...a gym class, a language exchange club, a hobby, something.  If the activity involves meeting new people, that's all the better.  Get a little more vested in the world around you.

At work, try to always act professional.  Realize that some classes are just beyond repair and do your best.  If you have a really bad class, immediately distract yourself with something else afterwards. 

Try to learn some of the language.  It's a great feeling to start understanding the world around you.  Make daily study a habit now.  My personal observation is that people who don't start studying right away never really start. 

[woman-king]

Advice please for a wide-eyed, straight-off-the-planer: how do I avoid becoming bitter and twisted? I went out a couple of weeks ago and had a good chat to some other GETs and teachers, most of whom looked thoroughly jaded and primarily concerned with drinking to forget. As a plucky, positive human being, how do I avoid becoming cynical and depressing?

But, also, this is what worked for me.  I'm into my second year and plan to be here 1-2 more years at the most.

For me, I would say it's essential to have a good community of foreign friends/other English teachers.  A lot of people will dispute this, but I'd argue it's necessary to have some time where you can "let your hair down" in the company of people with whom you have a shared cultural background with, where you know all the unwritten social cues and rules.  There is something mentally refreshing about it, gives you a break from culture shock (which is VERY real).  People always seek out other expats from their home countries when they emigrate to foreign countries--it's not a sign of elitism or weakness.  It's quite normal.  :) 

Build very strong and polite and PROFESSIONAL relationships on your job.  Work hard.  Participate in teacher social events, but I would avoid getting all super-personal with co-teachers immediately.  Draw some basic boundaries on your personal time/space away from work--make sure you are creating a separate social life.  Take time to know the culture, work on learning the language if that's your thing, and remember that while people dress Western and own lots of technology, this is not the West.  The underlying worldview of your average Korean person is just far different than what we are used to.  Spend some time studying up on that so you get where people are coming from, what's socially appropriate, etc.  People tend to be forgiving of cultural faux pas here--they almost expect them from foreigners--but there are certain serious ones you really don't want to make, and it's just the respectful thing to do to educate yourself about the place you live in.

If you feel you make a connection with a Korean person, pursue that friendship.  If you don't, don't pursue friendships just for the sake of having Korean friends/not being "that foreigner" who only hangs with other foreigners.  I find it a bit hard to connect with many of the Korean women I've met, to be honest--I just don't feel like we have tons in common--but the ones I do find common ground with I really, really value and believe we'll be in touch for life.

Understand that even if you marry a Korean, become fluent in Korean, have children and a career here, a non-Korean person cannot assimilate and "become Korean" in the way that a Korean person could in America or Canada or Australia.  That's not a dig at Koreans, it's just a basic rundown of how their "monoculture" differs from countries built by immigrants from all over the world.  In my opinion, a failure to understand this for a long time creates a lot of bitterness in Waygooks who think they can just show up and fit right in.  You can make extremely close, familial-type relationships here--some foreigners live here for life and absolutely love it--but some get really bitter at the realization they'll always be an "outsider."

And yeah.  Avoiding negative people is always good.  Keeping positive and "counting your blessings" (we really do have a sweet deal here in many ways) always helps.

[Melon]

Feeling better already  :) Thanks. I looked at a few of the people who were out drinking a few Saturdays ago and thought, "that's pretty worrying. I hope I don't end up like that after a year!"

[SBracken]

I'm 7mo here and while I've never had too much of a problem on the 'meh, it's their culture' front, I'm doing my darndest not to become a super shut-in antisocial. My school is far away from where I live, so my weekdays are pretty much shot anyway. One (of many) good thing about Korea: if nature is your thing, you're never more than a bus ride away from hiking or at least a park!
Other than that, SpaceRook is spot on with his post. Especially the big red line and the language bit- even if you only learn 10 words/short phrases, it will make your daily life INFINITELY easier. If you're not keen on studying Korean, then just listen to the Korean around you, and pick out stuff that you hear all the time (especially around school). Chances are, it'll be useful to you.* Good luck and have fun! ^^

*except "진짜!" you'll hear that ALL the time, everywhere ;) it amounts to 'really?!' and seemingly all variations of that response.