pregnant and scared

[whatamidoing]

I was a little late getting my period and just took a pregnancy test which came out positive... I'm really freaking out because I don't want to have a baby right now. To be honest, I don't know if I have ever truly wanted children. I've never been one of those girls that was in love with the idea of having a baby. This is just such a horrible situation.. I have always been pretty safe when I've been with my boyfriend. He never did that inside me, but sure enough having sex without a condom to begin with was the stupidest mistake of my life. My contract is ending in about a month and I'm going back to my country. I am applying for some jobs to come back and teach in Korea in November currently. So if I do get a job and decide to have a baby then I guess I could be all "surprise. I'm pregnant" when I start showing and have insurance from my job and get the time off to have the baby and whatnot.

(Sigh..) I like the idea of having a baby sometimes. I like thinking of cute baby names and having a piece of me that I could raise and love, but I'm scared I'd be a bad parent, I'm not financially secure, I haven't been dating my boyfriend for very long and the idea of giving birth has always scared the crap out of me. My boyfriend is Korean and I've met his family and everything. Not sure if they like me, but they are nice. Also he has a good job and I think he would be a good father. We both care a lot about each other. He says he loves me and I don't think he would bail on me or anything. Not sure if he's "the one" for me. Maybe I just needed someone to knock me up and tie me down since I seem to go from relationship to relationship and can't seem to settle down. I'm such a selfish person.. I have always been pro-choice even though I'm a Christian, but I think having an abortion is horrible and selfish. I hate that I'm in this situation and if I did terminate this pregnancy its still less than a month into it. I don't want to go to hell, but I don't want a baby. I'm not sure if I would go to hell for this, but I know its the wrong.

Please don't judge me for this. I just want some support I guess. I'm scared and I can't really tell anyone. My boyfriend knows because we took the test together. I literally just found out like an hour ago and he had to go to work so later we are going to talk about it and figure out what to do. I just feel like such a sh*tty person. Some people want and try so hard to have a baby and can't. I, on the other hand, don't see this as a gift and wish I wasn't in this situation.

[wheninrome]

1. Have the baby

2. Don't


"So if I do get a job and decide to have a baby then I guess I could be all "surprise. I'm pregnant" when I start showing and have insurance from my job and get the time off to have the baby and whatnot."

Good luck with that. [MOD EDIT]

[whatamidoing]

public school jobs can't fire you for being pregnant.

[MTBman]

Just after my wife and I got married closer to twenty years ago, she became pregnant.  At first we were excited as all newly married couples are, but then about seven weeks later the baby stopped developing inside her womb.  We were very concerned, especially my wife as you can imagine.  We did not know what to do and we wanted to do whatever we could to save the baby.  She went to see a specialist for a second opinion and he told her the fetus had stopped developing and that for medical reasons it had to be removed to protect her health and well-being.  It was a stark choice: keep the fetus which had stopped developing according to two different Korean OB/Gyn doctors, or abort it and protect her well-being.  She was devestated, but she went ahead and had the abortion in an Ob/Gyn clinic.  I went in with her and basically held her hand through it all.  Even today, years later, my wife feels sad and upset that we lost that baby.  Those feelings towards a fetus are very strong within a pregnant mother.  So, if you do abort the pregnancy, there is an emotional (and other) costs as well.  Physically, the procedure seemed to be pretty safe  though a bit uncomfortable et al.  She went through all the medical, legal and ethical steps (and then some) before she made a well-informed decision, which she is fine with today though she is, as I said, often sad and grumpy around when what would have been the baby's birthday rolls around on the calendar. 

My wife's younger sister, who is Catholic, and her husband who works in the office of a small, rural Catholic church, was pregnant before she and her husband-to-be got married.  I never asked specifically what had happened and it was common knowledge that she had become pregnant but they had long before that made plans for getting married.   The Korean Catholic Church is very picky about details such as whether or not a Catholic wannabe is really married, or not.  A nun came to our apartment and checked that we were really married before my wife was allowed to finish the process of becoming a newbie Catholic.   My sister-in-law has since had two other children and she nor her husband do not seem headed to hell in the eyes of their church, because her husband is still working for the Catholic Church and will until retirement.   

I doubt you need any advice other than to have a long and serious heart-to-heart/mind talk with your boyfriend, your family and through your boyfriend his family, so you can make the best decision.   Don't be afraid to seek counselling and other professional advice, especially if you're thinking of ending the pregnancy.  Having children is a big step in Korean life.  If you have the baby, your lifestyle will certainly change

All the best to you and all the others who are, or will be involved.  Don't be afraid.  Now is the time to face up to it and work it out.  Others have been in your shoes today and will be in the future.  Life  happens.

[rkh37]

If this is for real then I feel for you because that is a scary thing to happen in your own country let alone in Korea. At the end of the day you can only do what feels right to you, if you don't want it, don't have it. If you feel guilt about aborting it when couples can't have kids, you could always consider adopting it out, taking the maternity leave at your next job for a month to have it then giving the baby to a couple who need it.

[ADB123]

I wish you the best. This is your life and it is up to you. I would be freaking out if I got pregnant while abroad in Korea. I had a scare this past March but it turned out fine. I wish you the best girl. Do what is right for you!!!!!

[rkh37]

I realise no one in Korea would take the baby, but all I am saying is that if you feel opposed to abortion but aren't ready for a baby one thing you could consider is going back home to have the baby and sort out an adoption (I am sure the family would cover any costs for you to do this). Again that is just another option, explore all your options and find out as much as you can about each one. It's what you feel comfortable with.

[Daejeon]

Thread warning: a new poster has made her first ever post in a perfect way to get everyone worked up and emotional over abortion and start a flame war that gets a bunch of people banned by over-zealous PC mods. Remember "Fired for being gay"?

Just saying. It could also be a legitimate person in need of help. Just saying.

The users other profile is legitimate, without warnings or troll posts.

"Fired for being gay thread" was posted by someone with over 7 accounts, all of which had over 50% warning levels for trolling and harassment.

 Let's treat this as a serious thread.

[adamwatch]

I think getting advice from this board is not a good idea. I would not try to give advice on such a personal issue. It is for you and your boyfriend to decide. Also perhaps your family is  needed at a time like this.

Adam

[jackdaniels]

I think getting advice from this board is not a good idea. I would not try to give advice on such a personal issue. It is for you and your boyfriend to decide. Also perhaps your family is  needed at a time like this.

Adam

I second adamwatch.

If anybody has helpful advice I encourage you to pm the op.

Unhelpful and off topic replies were removed by moi.