Body Image, Vanity, and Skin tone in Korea

[Not a fan of kimchi]

I admit I am an overweight, American woman.  I'm not proud of my size but I feel like its my problem.  WHY do Korean's (especially Korean women) take it upon themselves to call me out all the time?!  I've been at my current job for over 6 months now and my co-workers literally have FULL-FLEDGED gossip conversations about me for hours on end.  WHAT is the big idea?  Am I really that fascinating?  I've heard the excuse that they claim to be concerned, but laughing and making hand gestures does not come across as concern.  I can't understand why they(Korean's) don't mind their own business.  Anyway, I'm so frustrated, hurt, and annoyed.  But, I'm also curious about why I'm such a hot topic here.  It literally seems as if people are offended by my presence.  Another thing that hurts my feelings is the outright favortism towards light skinned people.  I was literally standing next to a white girl that was at least 50-100lbs bigger than I am but the Korean women literally praised her for having light colored hair and eyes and they didn't mention her size at all.  HOT GARBAGE!!!  Has anyone had a similar experience?  Also, are there any Korean's that could give me their perspective?  How should I handle this? :( :( :(

[woman-king]

I had my fully-grown female co-teacher point, stare and gasp audibly at the sight of a large black female foreign teacher once.  I shushed her, but I don't think I ever addressed the issue adequately.  The surprise at seeing someone different is one thing; the childish and catty behavior you describe and the immaturity I've seen is another matter.

There's a LOT to be said about race in Korea and how a person of color experiences this country versus a white person.  There's lots of threads in our archives about students laughing at black characters in textbooks or English videos.  And some threads by other teachers of color on how they've been treated here.  Add in having a body type the deviates from the Korean norm and there's going to be a lot of attention for sure. 

One thing to be aware of is that Koreans are extremely blunt with one another about physical appearance.  A heavy Korean woman gets told she's fat all the time, trust me.  If someone's _____ is unusual, they hear about it.  It's not exactly considered nice here either, but it's socially acceptable among Koreans, so in a sense, your co-teachers are treating you as they'd treat another Korean who looks markedly different from the group.  Physical appearance is extremely important in Korean and in Confuscian societies in general; they've been taught their entire lives to regard it as one of the significant aspects of their and others' identity.  I feel like it's often very hard for Koreans to move beyond their preoccupation with someone's 'different' physical appearance. 

Personally, OP, I feel like making some kind of not-hostile-yet-pointed comments back to could get the message across that remarks about body size/race are totally inappropriate in the West--and after all, we are here to teach about our cultures (my KTs remind me of this all the time).  If any of these women ever ends up moving to and working in the West and have a boss who looks like you, it will be extremely beneficial for them to know what not to say.  :D 

How exactly to make comments that convey this is the question that I'm hoping other posters with more personal experience can answer!  I have found that looking confused/surprised/disapproving can sometimes be all the wake-up call someone needs to know they've crossed the foreigner's boundaries--though you might already be doing that.

[hannahlumurphy]

I'm sorry that you're feelings are so hurt by the insensitive comments. Korean's do not have that social filter that western countries have, they seem to believe that if you are overweight, or have bad skin or hair, then you should be aware of it, and won't mind people mentioning it.

I hate to say it, but it is something you will have to get used to. If you want, you can point out that in your culture it's very rude to comment on people's appearances. But it's unlikely to change them. It will probably cause those in question to feel embarrassed that they've been chastised, or to feel that it doesn't matter as you are in their culture now.

In terms of favouring light skin over anything else, that's a throw back to the old days of light skin being equated with wealth and not having to work in the sun. All the cosmetics have whitening agents in them and it's deemed more beautiful to have pale skin. But honestly, I can't bring myself to cake on the clumpy white foundations. I sometimes wear fake tan because I don't care what's beautiful here, whiter than white is not for me. My students tell me I look like Obama. I just explain to them that in my country, people like to look brown.

[teachermc]

"Who is fatter, ___ or ____?"

That question served as my coteacher's basis for practicing comparative adjectives in my 6th grade classes today.  Commenting (both positively and negatively) about anything is popular pastime here, aside from the staring that usually comes before.

Common conversation starters from my coworkers involve foreigner sightings.  "I saw a fat, white foreigner yesterday?"  With a questioning look that seems to demand some explanation.

This culture requires from foreigners a self-esteem of iron, for sure. 

[jimmyeatworldwar]

hey there OP,

I feel sorry for you, but don't take it personally, the Koreans really don't take it very seriously either. They make talk about it, but it is only because its rooted in their confucianistic society. Physical appearance is crucial here. Things like this exist everywhere you go outside your home country. What we consider typical and normal might be unacceptable elsewhere.
And i do want to say that it is unfortunate but making fun of overweight people is more dominant in Europe (where I come from) than in Asia. In this kind of sense, i applaud the North American societies for being tolerant to differences.

don't feel bad, in the end, the locals are nice people. They talk about themselves in a bad way either if that makes you feel better :)

[woman-king]

I'm sorry that you're feelings are so hurt by the insensitive comments. Korean's do not have that social filter that western countries have, they seem to believe that if you are overweight, or have bad skin or hair, then you should be aware of it, and won't mind people mentioning it.

I hate to say it, but it is something you will have to get used to. If you want, you can point out that in your culture it's very rude to comment on people's appearances. But it's unlikely to change them. It will probably cause those in question to feel embarrassed that they've been chastised, or to feel that it doesn't matter as you are in their culture now.

In terms of favouring light skin over anything else, that's a throw back to the old days of light skin being equated with wealth and not having to work in the sun. All the cosmetics have whitening agents in them and it's deemed more beautiful to have pale skin. But honestly, I can't bring myself to cake on the clumpy white foundations. I sometimes wear fake tan because I don't care what's beautiful here, whiter than white is not for me. My students tell me I look like Obama. I just explain to them that in my country, people like to look brown.

Being in Korea makes me want to use fake tanner/get tan just to be contrary.
Whenever my studentes mock another, slightly darker student by insinuating they look southeast Asian (which is inferior to them) I always tell them I think that student is soooooooo beautiful.  Usually they ARE, too!

[hannahlumurphy]

It's true, I live in the country-side and there are lots of children with mixed parents from Korea and South East Asian countries who have darker skin. They are often so striking looking but attract negative comments from the other students. I just always have a large supply of pictures of celebrities with darker skin to challenge their perceptions of beauty and get them into the PPTs I use. Lots of teachers do it, and I find it helps. I had a girl who didn't believe me that Beyonce was African American. But it's exactly that which is lacking, so often the students divide the world into those whiter than them and those darker than them.

I can never find decent celebrities of different body shapes to impress them with, mainly because it seems you have to be a regulation pencil to be famous. But they all know how successful Oprah Winfrey is, and none of my students sneer at her for her shape or her colour.

[Not a fan of kimchi]

Thanks everyone for your replies.  I think you all have given me some good, constructive feedback.  I understand this is a homogenous society but I wish they could embrace all types of beauty or at least get to know a person before they make judgements based on physical appearance.  I honestly feel that the children are more kind to me than the adults.  I have considered firing back with a comment such as, ''Have you ever considered having eyelid surgery?''  Even though I don't believe its necessary to have that procedure, I think it may help to give them a dose of their own medicine.  And, I definately agree with the last comment about having ''a self-esteem made of iron.''  So true!   

[yeti08]

I'm guy and I am a little overweight.  The teachers never say anything, but the students are relentless at times.  They always ask how tall I am and how many kilograms I am.  I reply with the truth.  199cm 105kg.  They oooo and ahhhh, and then say I am fat and/or a pig.  I laugh and say, well I certainly could lose 5-10kg's, but I am not really fat. 

Good luck OP, they surely do like to point out flaws here....just wait till you start speaking Korean to Koreans.

[SupaTeacha]

I understand you!!! I am incredibly self conscious about my weight and I have had random adjummas on the street poke my belly and make hand gestures while giggling. I had an unfortunately incident in public infront of a crowd where a transexual singer called me fat and told me "@#$% America Fatty"... I ran away in tears... By far the worst experience of my life... But it taught me that I have to be tougher than them. What everyone has said is right, it probably won't help you to say anything, but it's apart of their society that is okay. It's stupid. But it's "okay". This might be a great time in your life to build a strong sense of self worth and empowerment. :-)

[johnthegreek]

Koreans talk more than westerners about peoples phisical body actually its a sign of care here. To suggest its rude is taking things forma Western centric viewpoint where there is less sense of community. Everyone can see somone phisical shape not talking about it is actually strange if you think about it.

Where is the room in this thread who are overweight to maybe look at losing their weight and realising their North American diet is unhealthy and Obesity is a killer. If someone was lazy in the West would we praise them so why is it ok to be clinically Obese?

I saw a black women at Seoul airport a few weeks ago that was so fat Her neck was similar width to her shoulders, but she was wearing skin tight veclra jumpsuit.  Sorry but someone needs to be blunt many of the Western particularly the North American women here in Korea are VERY overweight and should join a gym and eat korean food and stop drinking so much Beer. Or whatever it takes to get their weight and health back on track. This is not a self esteem issue, I say where is your self respect women. I'm embarresed by my own race when 50% of America women are  Obese here. Did you know that many Koreans think all Americans are Fat based on what they see? I wish I could be told by my Korean friends/Workers how hot the girls from the West are and not how fat they are.


And as for the skin color thing. We in the west love the idea of a Tan. Would it be so strange to admire someones Tan? Personally I have spent my life in the West being told I'm too white cause I have Ginger hair. So don't be so fragile about a we skin tone preferences. If your attractive no Koreans will care if your dark skinned. Its just a cultural preference.

[Munwon]

Koreans talk more than westerners about peoples phisical body actually its a sign of care here. To suggest its rude is taking things forma Western centric viewpoint where there is less sense of community. Everyone can see somone phisical shape not talking about it is actually strange if you think about it.

Where is the room in this thread who are overweight to maybe look at losing their weight and realising their North American diet is unhealthy and Obesity is a killer. If someone was lazy in the West would we praise them so why is it ok to be clinically Obese?

I saw a black women at Seoul airport a few weeks ago that was so fat Her neck was similar width to her shoulders, but she was wearing skin tight veclra jumpsuit.  Sorry but someone needs to be blunt many of the Western particularly the North American women here in Korea are VERY overweight and should join a gym and eat korean food and stop drinking so much Beer. Or whatever it takes to get their weight and health back on track. This is not a self esteem issue, I say where is your self respect women. I'm embarresed by my own race when 50% of America women are  Obese here. Did you know that many Koreans think all Americans are Fat based on what they see? I wish I could be told by my Korean friends/Workers how hot the girls from the West are and not how fat they are.


And as for the skin color thing. We in the west love the idea of a Tan. Would it be so strange to admire someones Tan? Personally I have spent my life in the West being told I'm too white cause I have Ginger hair. So don't be so fragile about a we skin tone preferences. If your attractive no Koreans will care if your dark skinned. Its just a cultural preference.

Well said! It should be a health issue and also about respecting ones self. I'm always shocked by some of these + sized peeps walking around back home. Whats even MORE SHOCKING is they don't seem to care about their own appearence!

[jeniie]

im sorry to hear about whats happened to you. I guess I'm lucky. My co-teachers have either studied abroad or they just studied western culture - so i havent gotten any stares or questions about me.

I'm asian and my weight for an asian is considered overweight. I've been overweight all my life and do plan on doing something about it, but i love food too much. hahah, but i say that if you are comfortable with your size and shape, you shouldn't really care about what people say. yes, we might be overweight for our height and what not, but its no sin. All asians prefer to be white. White = pretty or whatever is in their mind of being white is good. and yet again, im tanned from all those sports i did in school. Whenever i go into a cosmetic/skincare store (i.e missha, the faceshop), i just want to buy a cleanser, they will always, without fail, give me a cleanser with whitening properties ^^; seriously.

and also, FYI, this applies in the asian countries I've been too. Especially China&HongKong. These two are crazy about appearances. Hong Kong sales will attack you with whatever problems they can physically see.
my skin is super dry (i have ezcema), its really tanned and I have blemishes here and there and scars as well. They will attack those things that i have. Its really bad.

tell your co-teachers not to judge a book by its cover! hahaha, i hope you feel better~

[woman-king]

Koreans talk more than westerners about peoples phisical body actually its a sign of care here. To suggest its rude is taking things forma Western centric viewpoint where there is less sense of community. Everyone can see somone phisical shape not talking about it is actually strange if you think about it.

Where is the room in this thread who are overweight to maybe look at losing their weight and realising their North American diet is unhealthy and Obesity is a killer. If someone was lazy in the West would we praise them so why is it ok to be clinically Obese?

I saw a black women at Seoul airport a few weeks ago that was so fat Her neck was similar width to her shoulders, but she was wearing skin tight veclra jumpsuit.  Sorry but someone needs to be blunt many of the Western particularly the North American women here in Korea are VERY overweight and should join a gym and eat korean food and stop drinking so much Beer. Or whatever it takes to get their weight and health back on track. This is not a self esteem issue, I say where is your self respect women. I'm embarresed by my own race when 50% of America women are  Obese here. Did you know that many Koreans think all Americans are Fat based on what they see? I wish I could be told by my Korean friends/Workers how hot the girls from the West are and not how fat they are.

And as for the skin color thing. We in the west love the idea of a Tan. Would it be so strange to admire someones Tan? Personally I have spent my life in the West being told I'm too white cause I have Ginger hair. So don't be so fragile about a we skin tone preferences. If your attractive no Koreans will care if your dark skinned. Its just a cultural preference.

But if we were all so hot then we'd probably all be sexually liberalized and promiscuous, right?   

John, the OP didn't ask for you to air your views on her body type, she asked for ways to deal with an uncomfortable cross-cultural social situation.  I would expect someone who seems to really enjoy and appreciate this country's culture to answer that a little more constructively, instead of feeding into these tired myths of the "fat Western women."  Which, from the perspective of anyone who has ever spent a night out in Hongdae, is just bizarrely inaccurate, and that inaccuracy does not exactly put you in the best light.

That said . . . I hope you keep posting here, because I think you express the perspectives of a certain demographic of Waygookins in Korea very, very precisely.

[Jozigirl]

Did you know that many Koreans think all Americans are Fat based on what they see? I wish I could be told by my Korean friends/Workers how hot the girls from the West are and not how fat they are.

 ???  I think there's a double standard for men and women to a certain extent.  I've had Koreans point out overweight foreign guys and tell me how handsome they are.  Women are expected to be petite, cute and doll-like in Korea.  There are some general perceptions that exist regardless of the foreigners in Korea.  I'm not saying that I disagree with what you're saying (I actually agree with the gist of your post) but I do think that we need to be careful not to judge people based purely on what we see. 

Some people may be overweight and genuinely trying to do something about it but there are some health issues that make it physically difficult to lose weight.  For example, I had hypothyroidism (and now no thyroid gland) and the reverse of diabetes which means that my body holds onto every ounce of sugar and fat it gets like it's never going to get either of them again regardless of what I eat.  It's easy to assume people are overweight because they eat too much or "don't care about themselves".  Many women care about their weight more than people seem to realise.

OP, I once did a lesson on what is considered a good size to be in Korea vs western countries.  A couple of my students pointed out that foreigners (westerners) frequently have larger bone structures than Koreans which also makes us look a bit bigger.  I'm not saying that this is an excuse for being overweight but it was interesting that they commented on it.  I showed them photos of celebrities who are considered to be a healthy weight and we talked about the size 0 craze.  A lot of my female Korean friends frequently comment that clothes shopping in western countries is more fun because the sizes are easier - none of them are even close to be being fat.

Interestingly, a couple of KTs and I had a conversation about this just yesterday.  Two of the teachers are the same size as me (somewhat overweight) and have a similar bone structure to me.  The very thin (ie. perfect Korean sized) teachers were all commenting that they're uncomfortable being so thin while the heavier teachers were all saying how much we'd like to be thin like them.  The funniest comment was when a really skinny teacher told us that she thinks a fuller figure is more glamorous.  It seems we're never happy!

OP, I know it can be hurtful to listen to those comments but, really, they're probably not going to stop.  Someone once commented that the foreigners who fit the stereotype of westerners (usually blond, blue eyed and thin) generally have an easier time (in terms of being more easily accepted) in Korea than those of us who don't, and it's true to some extent.  A friend of mine fits this stereotype pretty well and regularly has strangers tell her how beautiful she is - it REALLY annoys and overwhelms her.  Despite fitting the stereotype, her teachers still comment on her appearance (not always positively) even after losing 20 pounds here.  She's definitely a healthy weight but she's still 'bigger' than Koreans. 

[giselle]

I'm guy and I am a little overweight.  The teachers never say anything, but the students are relentless at times.  They always ask how tall I am and how many kilograms I am.  I reply with the truth.  199cm 105kg.  They oooo and ahhhh, and then say I am fat and/or a pig.  I laugh and say, well I certainly could lose 5-10kg's, but I am not really fat.

I know we all want to be open & honest with our students & coworkers, and let them know we are not ashamed of our culture or ourselves.   BUT, I would never allow my students or coworkers to ask me about my weight.  It's the height of rudeness in Western society, especially for a kid to ask on adult.  I tell them it's none of their business.  Same for my age.  I'll tell adults how old I am, but when the kids try that stunt with me, I tell them it's not polite to ask.  All they need to know is that I'm their teacher, therefore an adult & significantly older than they are, and maybe older than their parents, too. 

To the OP, I would try having a little heart to heart with one or two of the coteachers (I'm sure they have a heart in there somewhere) & let them know that it's hurtful & makes it difficult for you to feel comfortable relating to them when they can't keep those things to themselves.  But really, you have to feel just a tiny bit sorry for them, that so much of their lives revolves around meaningless things.  Hopefully, all that will pass away, as the next generation comes of age, but for now.....

[Not a fan of kimchi]

Thanks to all of you who gave some constructive feedback.  I feel better just chatting about it and now I know I'm not the only one. 

Whoever wrote about a transgender singer calling her fat, I'm so sorry to hear that.  That's crazy and terrible! 

And, whoever said a homogenous society is not a factor: It's RIDICULOUS to think that it doesn't influence a persons perspective.  It definately has an impact on the way people view someone that is physically different from them.

And, btw some of you didn't answer my question constructively.  Instead you insulted me and people like me.  Thanks for your help.  NOT!!!

[confusedsafferinkorea]

I must admit I am a little surprised at this because I have noticed since I arrived here in 2008 that many Koreans (ladies included) are just as overweight now. It is getting worse every year and I have noticed it even at elementary school level, there now appear to be more fat than thin people around.

I think in time this sort of commenting will disappear as the population in general get fatter. Still, this is no excuse to be rude.

I agree that some foreigners are overweight but to accuse them of doing nothing is a bit harsh. Some people are just made that way and no matter how hard they try they cannot reduce. Of course there are those who live unhealthy lifestyles and are overweight, but it is no longer just a 'foreign' thing, many Koreans are now obese.

[yeti08]

I'm guy and I am a little overweight.  The teachers never say anything, but the students are relentless at times.  They always ask how tall I am and how many kilograms I am.  I reply with the truth.  199cm 105kg.  They oooo and ahhhh, and then say I am fat and/or a pig.  I laugh and say, well I certainly could lose 5-10kg's, but I am not really fat.

I know we all want to be open & honest with our students & coworkers, and let them know we are not ashamed of our culture or ourselves.   BUT, I would never allow my students or coworkers to ask me about my weight.  It's the height of rudeness in Western society, especially for a kid to ask on adult.  I tell them it's none of their business.  Same for my age.  I'll tell adults how old I am, but when the kids try that stunt with me, I tell them it's not polite to ask.  All they need to know is that I'm their teacher, therefore an adult & significantly older than they are, and maybe older than their parents, too. 

I think it's a difference between men and women.  I personally have never cared when people ask my height, weight, and/or age.  I know plenty of women back home who do though.  I want the kids to realize I am not that big, sure I am much much bigger than most Koreans.  And my talk with the older ones that muscular people are healthy and weigh a lot went right over their heads.  They also say they're fat.....  ???

[cherylblossom]

This obsessive western desire to be politically correct has in turn sanctioned a dangerous lifestyle. Obesity is not some alternative facet of beauty; it's contributing directly to the conditions underlying America's leading cause of death.

Perhaps you should use your experiences here as impetus to tone down and get healthy?