Miss Manners: Tell me some differences between manners here and the West!

[peasgoodnonsuch]

Hey all,

I'm doing a lesson on manners and politeness between Korea and the West (although mostly the US since that's where I'm from). I was inspired after being annoyed by my gum smacking second year girls (oh, middle school!) last semester, so I thought this could be fun camp topic/gentle hint.

So, here's what I've got:

US:
No smacking gum/chewing like a cow
No open mouth or noises during or after eating
Put napkin in lap
Chew with mouth closed
No slurping soup or noodles
No burping, blowing one's nose or letting air at the table
Asking for food to be passed, not reaching for it
Asking to be excused from the table
No talking with your mouth full
It's OK to refuse more food/polite to offer more to guests
Feet should be on the floor and under the table
Small bites verses large ones
Cover your mouth and nose when sneezing/coughing/say excuse me after sneeze
Say God Bless You to someone who has sneezed
Cross your legs at the ankles if you're in a skirt, not at the knee
Say excuse me/sorry if you touch or bump someone/no shoving in lines
Don't stare at people
Don't ask about age/lots of personal questions
OK to address elders by name if you know them

Korea
No blowing nose at table
Don't stand your chopsticks straight into rice-funeral style
Slurping Ok?
No burping or letting air at table
Reaching at table for food ok?
Open mouth while chewing/smacking/sucking ok? I can't imagine it is, but they sure do it a lot!
Talking with your mouth full ok?
Excuse yourself from the table before leaving
Don't write anyone's name in red
Don't cross your legs in front of elders
No bare feet in front of elders
Receive from elders with 2 hands and give with one hand on forearm
Don't refuse food
Don't give money in multiples of 4
Don't say excuse me/sorry if you touch or bump someone/no shoving in lines
Ok to stare?
Asking about age is a must/personal questions also ok
Never address an elder by name

What am I missing folks? Can anyone confirm some of the ones I have questions about? It's hard to tell whether some of the regular habits I've experienced here are just rude people or cultural differences and I've never had the guts to ask my co-teachers!

[yeti08]

Asking age is absolutely ok here.  It's how they see how they'll fall into ranks of older brother/sister etc. 
Unfortunately most Koreans don't know what to say to foreigners so they just ask the same questions all the time, hence the weight/age/height bologna. 

[JahRhythm]

Some Koreans do actually apologize if they are bump into others but not doing so isn't considered rude like back home, so that ones a little tricky.
No, it really isn't rude to make eating noises. Koreans with otherwise impeccable manners (like my ex-GF) still do it. IT IS RUDE TO STARE in Korea!
I don't know why this myth persists. I think it was written In a Korea culture shock guidebook or something but it's nonsense.
For an example of personal questions I would mention, are you married/Do you have a GF/bf? So common here on a first introduction but wouldn't back home.

[yeti08]

Right on about the staring thing.  My mother in law chewed out another adjumma for staring at me and my wife on the subway.  I was so happy. 

[orangeman]

Under personal questions in Korea, maybe add those about religion (especially in the work place).  You might want to point out that in many Western countries (all?) it's illegal for your boss to ask about religion, age, marital status, etc., but many of us don't mind sharing this information ONCE WE GET TO KNOW YOU. 

[bebouchard]

When Koreans eat together, the person who is eldest, or who has the highest status, should begin eating first.

A Korean friend of mine told me a story of one time when he was a young child. He was having dinner with his family and his grandfather was angry with the family for some reason, so he refused to eat. All the other family members were forced to sit around the table waiting for the grandfather to start eating, but he made them all wait. My friend said he got impatient and just picked up his chopsticks and went for it, defying his grandfather. He got in major trouble for that.

[madison79]

When Koreans eat together, the person who is eldest, or who has the highest status, should begin eating first.

A Korean friend of mine told me a story of one time when he was a young child. He was having dinner with his family and his grandfather was angry with the family for some reason, so he refused to eat. All the other family members were forced to sit around the table waiting for the grandfather to start eating, but he made them all wait. My friend said he got impatient and just picked up his chopsticks and went for it, defying his grandfather. He got in major trouble for that.

My school had a staff dinner and the VP got upset that we were going bowling.  He forced all the Korean men to go drinking with him instead.  Don't mess with I"m older than you rules.

Funniest thing I see is when people get a super hot bowl of anything and dig right in.  It's like hold your horse buddy and let it cool down.  Hence the need to slurp it. 

[Wikkisha]

I did a similar lesson for elementary, this got a lot of laughs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unXKYK0uRJ8

[Frozencat99]

From what I've been told the lack of "bless you/salut/saludo" after sneezing has to do with Korea not being impacted by the Plague.

I'd include no elbows on the table for the West. A co-worker of mine told me it was rude in Korea to compliment the appearance of servers... but he's also very shy, so maybe he just didn't want to translate for me. (We went for a teacher's dinner and our server had a really nice haircut, so I wanted to just say "I like your haircut"... he said, "That's rude in Korea, she might think you are trying to flirt with her".)

[jimmyeatworldwar]

the OP's list of Korean manners make the Koreans look like idiots or barbarians lol
on defense for the koreans:

unlike the many myth that the waygooks have,
it is also rude to stare at people, albeit us getting stares here (thats because we are foreigners)
let me give you an example.
Have you heard of the expression "mol ggoraba?" from the students?
It means "why the hell are you staring at me". When you see kids fighting on something, they would typically say this to intimidate or to agitate the other. Anyway, staring is considered impolite here as well.

[bosun]

Last Saturday, my adult class did a similar lesson. It was on traditional rules and manners, and if they still apply in today's society. We looked at what was in place in our own families, as we grew up, and what we we put in place, once we had our own families. It was very interesting. Very little differed between our respective countries and households.

Regarding elbows on tables (Frozencat99)

This issue was raised.
All my students pointed out that it is nigh impossible to do when eating off a low table, while seated on the floor. While times have changed, many families still prefer the traditional style of dinning (yes I did go home and try-it was uncomfortable).

One thing I would add, is holding doors open for the next person, in the 'us' list.

'edit..quote problem'

[southcareer]

When Koreans eat together, the person who is eldest, or who has the highest status, should begin eating first.

A Korean friend of mine told me a story of one time when he was a young child. He was having dinner with his family and his grandfather was angry with the family for some reason, so he refused to eat. All the other family members were forced to sit around the table waiting for the grandfather to start eating, but he made them all wait. My friend said he got impatient and just picked up his chopsticks and went for it, defying his grandfather. He got in major trouble for that.

My school had a staff dinner and the VP got upset that we were going bowling.  He forced all the Korean men to go drinking with him instead.  Don't mess with I"m older than you rules.

Funniest thing I see is when people get a super hot bowl of anything and dig right in.  It's like hold your horse buddy and let it cool down.  Hence the need to slurp it.

In my house, we always wait for my father to start eating, or a grandparent/guest where there is one- surely most westerners observe this?

[Bulgogi]

the OP's list of Korean manners make the Koreans look like idiots or barbarians lol
on defense for the koreans:

unlike the many myth that the waygooks have,
it is also rude to stare at people, albeit us getting stares here (thats because we are foreigners)
let me give you an example.
Have you heard of the expression "mol ggoraba?" from the students?
It means "why the hell are you staring at me". When you see kids fighting on something, they would typically say this to intimidate or to agitate the other. Anyway, staring is considered impolite here as well.

Forreals haha...that's the first impression I got too when I read the first few lines.

But here's a few in defense of Koreans:

-Don't hug people you're not close with (you will spook most Koreans)
-Don't give a hard-firm-military-handshake (that's very disrespectful and is unnecessary)
-Take your god damn shoes off at the front door when you enter some one's house.  Or at restaurants that requires them off.
-Don't like fish? Don't eat meat? Oh you're a vegetarian!  (will make the best out of it anyway by picking at the plentiful veggie side dishes)  Vegetarians don't have a special status here 


U.S.
-You assume everyone is AMERICAN! Don't ask them what country they're from? (As an Asian-American born and raised in the states, most white folks still ask me this...never cease to amaze me.    )
-Turn off your phone when you're on a date or in a meeting.  Do not text or answer any calls.
-It's okay to get pissed and throw tantrums at the customer service...because "The customer is always RIGHT!"
-Horrible customer service.
-People get easily pissed if their foods aren't made right "Excuse me! I want medium rare....overeasy... not fully COOKED"...or some obese folk ordered diet coke and got regular coke. 
-Group outings and eating...Americans always worry about how the bill is going to be divided among each other and who should pay the bigger "tip".

Korea:
-Oh you speak english.  "Where are you from???"
-Customer service is almost too good that it comes down to it being too overbearing-annoying with a store staff following you all over the store.
-You cook your own DAMN food on a grill! So fun!
-There's no tipping after you eat!  And the bill is usually covered by an individual person with no hassle (most Koreans see the western way of dealing with this issue as being selfish individuals) 

*Brings back high school memory working at a fast food and theater lol

[Bulgogi]

US:
No smacking gum/chewing like a cow
No open mouth or noises during or after eating
Put napkin in lap
Chew with mouth closed
No slurping soup or noodles
No burping, blowing one's nose or letting air at the table
Asking for food to be passed, not reaching for it
Asking to be excused from the table
No talking with your mouth full
It's OK to refuse more food/polite to offer more to guests
Feet should be on the floor and under the table
Small bites verses large ones
Cover your mouth and nose when sneezing/coughing/say excuse me after sneeze
Say God Bless You to someone who has sneezed
Cross your legs at the ankles if you're in a skirt, not at the knee
Say excuse me/sorry if you touch or bump someone/no shoving in lines
Don't stare at people
Don't ask about age/lots of personal questions
OK to address elders by name if you know them

Just wondering are you from the South? Because these sounds like some old Victorian etiquette that most Americans don't even care to use anymore.   It's a joke to believe most Americans dine and wine with such novel manners.

[Frozencat99]

I'd also perhaps make a list of the "bless you" type responses to show its a widespread phenomenon and not just "God bless you"...

[WTP Trust rider]

US:
No smacking gum/chewing like a cow
No open mouth or noises during or after eating
Put napkin in lap
Chew with mouth closed
No slurping soup or noodles
No burping, blowing one's nose or letting air at the table
Asking for food to be passed, not reaching for it
Asking to be excused from the table
No talking with your mouth full
It's OK to refuse more food/polite to offer more to guests
Feet should be on the floor and under the table
Small bites verses large ones
Cover your mouth and nose when sneezing/coughing/say excuse me after sneeze
Say God Bless You to someone who has sneezed
Cross your legs at the ankles if you're in a skirt, not at the knee
Say excuse me/sorry if you touch or bump someone/no shoving in lines
Don't stare at people
Don't ask about age/lots of personal questions
OK to address elders by name if you know them

Just wondering are you from the South? Because these sounds like some old Victorian etiquette that most Americans don't even care to use anymore.   It's a joke to believe most Americans dine and wine with such novel manners.

Really. Who the hell uses the phrase "letting air"?
Cross your legs at the ankles if you're in a skirt and not at the knee? Sheesh

What are we? In the post Civil War South.

[confusedsafferinkorea]

Seems like some people don't like it that the OP is a real lady with good manners.   

Nice to know there are still some well brought up and well bred people around. Don't lower your standards OP.

Bet I will get some snide comments now!!

[Yegob]

When Koreans eat together, the person who is eldest, or who has the highest status, should begin eating first.

A Korean friend of mine told me a story of one time when he was a young child. He was having dinner with his family and his grandfather was angry with the family for some reason, so he refused to eat. All the other family members were forced to sit around the table waiting for the grandfather to start eating, but he made them all wait. My friend said he got impatient and just picked up his chopsticks and went for it, defying his grandfather. He got in major trouble for that.

My school had a staff dinner and the VP got upset that we were going bowling.  He forced all the Korean men to go drinking with him instead.  Don't mess with I"m older than you rules.

Funniest thing I see is when people get a super hot bowl of anything and dig right in.  It's like hold your horse buddy and let it cool down.  Hence the need to slurp it.

In my house, we always wait for my father to start eating, or a grandparent/guest where there is one- surely most westerners observe this?

guest perhaps. A dinner with a client? absolutely.
Otherwise.. it's eat when food is served. We never waited for our father, even grandfather  to start eating

[WTP Trust rider]

When Koreans eat together, the person who is eldest, or who has the highest status, should begin eating first.

A Korean friend of mine told me a story of one time when he was a young child. He was having dinner with his family and his grandfather was angry with the family for some reason, so he refused to eat. All the other family members were forced to sit around the table waiting for the grandfather to start eating, but he made them all wait. My friend said he got impatient and just picked up his chopsticks and went for it, defying his grandfather. He got in major trouble for that.

My school had a staff dinner and the VP got upset that we were going bowling.  He forced all the Korean men to go drinking with him instead.  Don't mess with I"m older than you rules.

Funniest thing I see is when people get a super hot bowl of anything and dig right in.  It's like hold your horse buddy and let it cool down.  Hence the need to slurp it.

In my house, we always wait for my father to start eating, or a grandparent/guest where there is one- surely most westerners observe this?

guest perhaps. A dinner with a client? absolutely.
Otherwise.. it's eat when food is served. We never waited for our father, even grandfather  to start eating

Yeah, I grew up in a conservative Baptist household and that was the same too. When your food is served, dig in. No one ever waited for the older folks to start first.

[Driver 8]

The differences are astounding! 

The two that I find to be the biggest cultural  shocks are the one about asking personal questions (And I was hit hard with this the moment I met the principal at my school--I felt like I was being interrogated), and the way so many Korean chew with their mouths open and slurp their soup.  Basically, the whole act  of eating is largely a verbal activity.  No wonder,  it used to be rude to talk at the table.   Gets in the way of all that slurping and smacking of the lips.    I can remember distinctly being scolded about eating this way when I was a kid and  being told that this was gross.  Shows you how arbitrary rules of manners actually are.