I'm Midnight Running from Korea...

[AwesoMike]

I wrote a post some time ago in November explaining my misery in being here in Korea for 3 months. It's now the end of January and I'll have been in Korea for 5 months on January 29. In between, I took a nice 1 week vacation over the (actual) New Year.

The original post is here: http://waygook.org/index.php/topic,25211.0.html

This is an update on my situation:

Never in my life have I been so happy to be in a place- be it only for 1 week- than I was when I left Korea for that one week of vacation back to the United States. God it was so wonderful. God people were so warm! Right off the bat I smiled and felt my heart beat for the first time in a long time. I carried on academic conversations with strangers at the gate, I chatted about sports with randoms at the bar. I drank delicious beer (New Belgium), we nicely waited for others to get off the tramway before we got on, someone held the door to the bathroom for me. I seriously could have spent a week in the airport and had a perfectly glorious vacation right there after living a dog's life in Korea.

The vacation was so wonderful. So surreal. So right.

Then, never in my life have I been so indescribable kicked in the stomach as when I was by myself at the airport getting ready to return to Korea. After leaving my wonderful friends in a taxi cab outside, I walked into the terminal still smiling... until 15 seconds in... and BAM! It hit me. I started sweating. My heart sank. My eyes started burning and I realized that I was not going to feel the way I had just felt for a long time. A long ass time. In fact, all that laid in front of me was the reality of going back to Korea. I legitimately started to freak out. I didn't want to go back to this place. I could not believe that I was spending money to go to somewhere that I hated being. The place that I had just spent counting down the minutes, hours and days until I could finally escape for even just a short week. Somewhere that made me feel inhuman and that sucked my health from me. I would rather join the circus or commit a crime and spend a few months in prison that spend more months in the prison that is Korea, I thought.

Thinking purely of the financial shackles that bound me to returning,  I forced myself to go numb and walk to my seat on the plane. It might as well have been a guillotine, but I couldn't push out the fact that I was low on money and had at least 1 easy paycheck waiting for me if I went back. 10 hours later I was back at Incheon. Alone. In Cartoonland.

That next week of returning to the hated routine was quite possibly the worst week of my life. Same old crap. Only before, by the time I had left, I had somewhat numbed myself to it and didn't mind as much. Now it was all new and noticeable again. Especially with such a recent positive experience to compare it to. Shoving to get somewhere first. Problems getting necessary school information because of the pointless ego-driven hierarchical channels all information must pass through. Getting stared down by glaring old Koreans who look at me, drunkenly growl something hateful to an equally drunk cohort and then regurgitate a wad of phlegm right in front of my toes as I walk through. Same rural ghost town... friends hours away by train. A normal life much further, even, than that.

What little hope I had of a vacation refreshing me and giving me the strength and motivation to continue through the second half of the year evaporated completely by the end of that week. I couldn't stay in this place. I didn't want to spend another waking moment here if I could help it.I decided I have to leave. Hell, I beat the 4 month average that most normal people stay before realizing how utterly terrible it is here. (An astounding fact in and of itself) Never again will I step foot in this black hole of misery. Never again will I waste my time trying to appreciate phony Korean "culture" that is really just under the guise of Confucianism that has been hijacked by the worst (and outdated) parts of American consumerism and tabloid magazines- reguardless of what all the appologists say about not "understanding" the "culture" here. The culture here is to be miserable. This miserable place where life is predetermined and swaths of kids want to commit suicide because they are so unhappy with the life society has imprisoned them to. This miserable place where homogeneity and conformity are bitterly guarded and diversity is struck down in the name "culture." I'm tired of it. I'm tired of listening to the apologists defend racism, cold treatment and all the ridiculous garbage that I have to deal with on a daily basis just to exist. I'm done pretending to care.

I'm doing a midnight run in 3 weeks and I can't freakin' wait to get the bloody hell out of here forever.

I can't wait to be healthy, to be happy again. If there's any silver lining to this experience it's showed me a life, a society and a people that I never, ever want to emulate or be a part of. It's provided me with a token, "If I can go through that hell I can do anything," example that I will be able to use for motivation for the rest of my life. I only hope it hasn't made me too close minded to travel in the future. At any rate,  it's made me love and appreciate my country, my family, my friends and the wonderful life I will have as an educated, free and critical thinker. Even if I'm shoveling elephant crap out of a circus wagon while doing it. At least I will be able to smile and think for myself.

To all those who want to leave and are sacrificing their personal happiness to earn a bit of money, I hope this post lets you know you are not alone. Leave when you are ready and not a moment later. Don't let this place take any more from you than it already has! To all the apologists: Eat your heart out!

[andyfoggy]

I hope you find what you are looking for
Maybe try Tiawan?

[JahRhythm]

Hate to rain on your victory lap, Brah, but just a few points of contention:
1. "If I can go through that hell I can do anything..."
     But, ya haven't. You're running away. You're quitting. No real moral victory there.
2. It's not that bad here. I can appreciate you've had a miserable experience, but really, most people have a tougher life, don't think you're a world beater all of a sudden just for working a crap job for 6 months in a (developed, relatively safe, clean, comfortable, easy-to-live-in) country you didn't like.
3. Some expats have happy lives here and could never be described as apologists. Careful with that one.
4. Good Luck

[jrwhite82]

Even if I'm shoveling elephant crap out of a circus wagon while doing it.

Enjoy your new career!   

[jdw501]

Hate to rain on your victory lap, Brah, but just a few points of contention:
1. "If I can go through that hell I can do anything..."
     But, ya haven't. You're running away. You're quitting. No real moral victory there.
2. It's not that bad here. I can appreciate you've had a miserable experience, but really, most people have a tougher life, don't think you're a world beater all of a sudden just for working a crap job for 6 months in a (developed, relatively safe, clean, comfortable, easy-to-live-in) country you didn't like.
3. Some expats have happy lives here and could never be described as apologists. Careful with that one.
4. Good Luck

OP, I'd really have to echo all of the above here, but especially points 2 and 3. Maybe you've just been unfortunate with your circumstances and a lot of negative stuff has happenend to you here. I don't know. I'm certainly no apologist. In fact I can see a lot of my own experiences in what you've written. However, they sit alongside a whole host of other more positive experiences: the pleasure in teaching great kids; the wonderful quality of life; and, more often than not the unrivalled kindness of Koreans, both friends and strangers alike. I'm sorry if you've not experienced the latter. Best of luck with whatever you go on to and I'd encourage you in retrospect to try and identify some of the positives from this experience.

[AwesoMike]

A little bit of a reality check? I've been here for 5 months and loathed every day of it. That's not just a little bit of a reality check. Just because you think this place is normal doesn't mean that everyone does. I know for a fact that there are plenty of people out there that feel that this place can be a dungeon that makes you feel trapped and forget that you have control over your life. And that's who this post is for. If you really like Korea and everything it stands for, than this thread is probably not for you. Thought that would be pretty obvious by the original post. Choosing to ignore that fact and instead respond and bullet point reasons why I'm wrong sounds pretty typical korean apologetic to me. Sorry JahRhythm.

[iggyb]

I hope things work out back home and it does sound like it is best for you.

I didn't read all of the first posting, but it also does sound like you never should have left and certainly not to a non-English speaking country.  It sounds like your expectations were far different than what they should have been when coming to a foreign country with a very different language and setting.

I think that is what is led you to define a country within the first 3 months of being there.

Did you not expect it to be rough? 

Many people who go abroad from West to East or Africa or South America or some other place that is fundamentally different from where they grew up -- relish the experience - including the difficulties you have to fight through when starting out in a different culture.

It is true - sometimes the hakwon industry chews up and spits out those with even the best intentions.  I can imagine it is the same for some public schools in rurual areas.

But honestly, if it was a quick shock for you (within the first few weeks to couple of months) that you couldn't hold meaninful conversations with people where you live and that people stared at you as a foreigner, going abroad to live and teach with no teaching experience was probably never a good idea for you in the first place.

I can understand someone giving it the good ole college try and coming to the conclusion near the end of their first year that being an ESLer in Korea isn't for them or that Korea itself isn't for them - especially if they work in hakwons.

But if someone is overwhelmed so quickly, it sounds more like a problem in consideration about things before coming over.  (Unless they end up in a horrible hakwon that put them in a rat hole apartment and cheats them on pay and continually changes the schedule and so on that people familiar with the industry have heard happen from time to time.)

[JahRhythm]

Dismissing the pushback of others as apologists who "really like Korea and everything it stands for," is some simple-minded B.S.

You are free to address your post to whatever audience you feel needs to hear your message.
I've no problem with that.
Just offering a bit of perspective is all.

[Waygookingumisi]

With -- experience I have , e.g going in sauna and being starred down by some korean, I just try and be more confidant. Other examples negative experience i get here is on Bus, kinda the way they are like zombies, if somone stares at me then I smile at them that can't bad. If someone don't like me, then thats there problem, I like myself that's all that matters here I think otherwise you just feel bad. I've been here 2 yrs up to now, i plan another 12 months from now, and want out come 2013 back to uk for a job sorting it out now and making sure I am well prepped for interviews and cv is done well. I find korean's the greatest people on earth, so nice warm, ( maybe not old ones tho) can be aggressive if you think about it from western view, but I cant neg experiences and just think thats a weakness and try be bothered about it, korea is one of the most uptight countries in world I wouldnt expect nor would anyone expect Korea to be for everyone, I feel that one ones who come with a cavalier attitude tend to find it most difficult, stressful. You got to toughen up here in Asia, if not then get out like you did, good luck. 

[Frozencat99]

I live in a rural town with 5 other foreigners. The town is a mountain range away from North Korea, is known for an ice festival that happens on weekend out of every year, and the closest thing to a bar in this town is the pair of tables outside of Family Mart.

I know and/or work with people that think Westerners brought "gay" to Korea. I'm able to be honest about myself to about 5-10 people out of the entire country, the average level of English communication is next to nothing, and the routine aspect of my life (when working) is mind-numbing. My school isn't hiring someone to fill the position my co-teacher just left vacant -- the best Korean/English speaker in the area -- and I'll be teaching with homeroom teachers instead.

I loathe many, many things about this country. Just as I loathe many, many things about my home country. You contribute much to your own misery, here or elsewhere, when you focus on the negatives and on escapism.

Dismissing people as an apologist because they can get over aspects of Korea without a brooding bout of depression is reductive and pointless. Enjoy your midnight run home but next time pass on the "get out while you still can!!" shtick.

[DWAEDGIMORIGUKBAP]

Now, everyone, EVERYONE here knows I am no apologist.  And certainly I'd imagine working at a crappy school with a bee itch of a coworker has probably been what's made you so jaded.  I generally like living here, but man some of the jobs and the cee nuts I've worked for, well when I have a bad time like that, I turn on everything and everyone in this country too.  So I know how you feel.  But now I'm working at a decent school, I noticed just today in fact before reading this how laid back and 'okay' I am with being here at the moment - I do not by a long chalk love it, but I don't hate it either but bad days at work can make me shift in that direction.

Being a lazy sod and liking getting up at 1pm kinda helps.  Plus I have some really solid long term friends here.

Never in my life have I been so happy to be in a place- be it only for 1 week- than I was when I left Korea for that one week of vacation back to the United States. God it was so wonderful. God people were so warm!

That's because you aren't a foriegner to them, not the only reason, sure, but a large part of it.

Right off the bat I smiled and felt my heart beat for the first time in a long time. I carried on academic conversations with strangers at the gate, I chatted about sports with randoms at the bar.

If you spoke Korean you could do this with Koreans, talk about academics.  As for sports, I chatted about horses at the track today with a Korean for example (I also overheard a few old crones saying they believed they were getting bad luck because a waygook (me) - I was the only one there and am only ever the only one there - was in the place...)  One thing I'd say against Koreans is though that when they DO talk about sports; really they are only talking about KOREA.  They are a very one track people...  So I kinda feel ya there, but also I had a good chat and co-comiseration with the guy I spoke to about the race we lost...

I drank delicious beer (New Belgium),

I drank decent German pils and weizenbeer today in Korea.  Belgian beers (stella, paulaner)available too a 3 min walk from my apt.

we nicely waited for others to get off the tramway before we got on, someone held the door to the bathroom for me. I seriously could have spent a week in the airport and had a perfectly glorious vacation right there after living a dog's life in Korea.

Meh, after a while you get used to the shoving and when you're in a rush - guess what?  You can do it to and nobody will make a big fuss over it.  It's just not part of the culture to get upset in public about stuff like that.  Obviously I respect that's something you don't like and I didn't much for the first few years until I realised that when I needed to - I could get away with it too.  Furthermore, I can tell you that in downtown London or any crowded city, it can get very simmilar.

Anyhow I think if you had chosen Seoul, Busan or satellite cites such as Ilsan where you would have had more English speaking Koreans and way more foriegners to be friends with around you, you might have been quite happy.  I live on an island 30 mins from mainland Busan rightnow and last year lived out in one of the most rural provinces of Korea and I love it.  BUT had I done it in my first year I'd have HATED it.  Luckilly I went to Seoul for my first year.

Anyhow, seems Korea aint for you and my advice is to not listen to those putting you down for running and if you're not happy - gtfo.  Life is too short to spend time in a place you don't like.

(I'd also like to mention that the op's posts DO SEEM fictionalised to me too.  Something about the turns of phrase etc, but I'll give him / her the benefit of the doubt and put that down to internal emotional drama on their part.)

[AwesoMike]

Yes, JahRhythm. I'm too simple-minded to grasp your push back (appologies) so I dismiss them.

Anyone who thinks this country is Effing crazy is simple-minded, obviously.

Try instead: I've heard everything you've said many times before, don't buy it and THEN dismiss it.

For what it's worth, I've lived in South America (Argentina) for a year in college, loved it and I've traveled to South Africa for a few weeks and also enjoyed it and the people. Our family also hosted exchange students from Finland, Russia and Germany.

Korea is an bubble. A very sad bubble.

[Blacklamb]

Sorry, I'm a bit confused here.

I understand your deep unhappiness here, OP, but how come you won't give the school any notice??

Wouldn't even 3 weeks notice be better than no notice?? Have I missed something?? You're in a public school, right??

Sorry it hasn't worked out for you here

[JahRhythm]

Awesome, Mike.
You got me. I'm busted. I'm a covert Korea apologist.
Tip: before calling me out, you might take the 30 seconds, click on my post history and see that I'm as critical of Korea/Koreans as anyone.
But, I also have perspective. Perspective gained from experience.
I'm a critical thinker in a world full of nuance and complexity.
And I didn't call you simple-minded, but your argument.

[DWAEDGIMORIGUKBAP]

Methinks this thread needs merging with the other one on same topic...

[hilarity ensues]

I'm not sure why you posted on a message board that you were leaving if you weren't prepared to hear this kind of thing. I think if you were being cheated or something then it would be one thing, but when your only reason for leaving is that you hate a country that a lot of people on here are pretty happy being in, then you're not going to get a lot of support.

I'm not even convinced that you hate Korea as much as you just hate having to work for a living. You really can't compare student life in another country, or a couple of vacations to other countries as a tourist to actually living there… and you can't compare being on vacation or being a student to being employed. Is this your first job? It sounds like it is. 

I'm not saying that everyone should love living in Korea, but if you were a responsible adult you would realize that just hating your routine is a pretty childish reason to do what you're going to do. I think one day you're going to grow up and realize that you probably shouldn't have done it, and you'll look back and say 'Wow, I was really weak to do that'.

Seriously-- if you hate Korea, AT LEAST give notice-- you really have no reason to do a midnight run.

[oskinny1]

Sorry, I'm a bit confused here.

I understand your deep unhappiness here, OP, but how come you won't give the school any notice??

Wouldn't even 3 weeks notice be better than no notice?? Have I missed something?? You're in a public school, right??

Sorry it hasn't worked out for you here

Agreed. Give notice. Go home.

[hilarity ensues]

^Korea needs to be punished for not making him happy… but for now, his employer will have to do. 

[Harpoinseoul]

Hamlet:
Why then 'tis none to you; for there is nothing either good or
bad, but thinking makes it so. To me it is a prison.   Hamlet Act 2, scene 2, 251 William Shakespear.

[Squire]

I can understand the OP's points to be honest. Many Koreans I encounter can be cold and standoffish in a way people at home usually aren't. Many are lovely, but it's hard to brush off being treat with disdain by people you've been friendly to. For anyone as unhappy as the TS has been I'd recommend getting your own transport (scooter etc.) to cut down your interactions with the general public. You can't choose who you share a bus with but you can choose which petrol station you stop at. I had my own blacklist of petrol stations on the route to work 

Who you work with is a bit tougher. I worked at 3 schools in my first year and in one of them a majority of the other staff were plain unfriendly. How do you deal with people who won't even return a greeting? I can't imagine it would have been a great first year had I been at that school every day of the week