EX's and their .....

[dmw]

Hey all, just a vent really and want to find out if anyone has had to deal with problems w Korean ex GF / BF over here and how exactly you played it...

Long story short, my ex-gf (Korean) today contacted my school to inform them about completely personal+private matters between her and(possibly)myself (rather not go into it too much, but let's just say dates do not add up).

I have now had to endure a morning with my ex on the phone to my co-teacher, who in turn has had to speak to VP, Principal etc etc....
A: This is a personal matter and NOTHING to do with my school (although she threatened to go to SK Educational office if problem not resolved, so therefore it becomes one)
B: I am in a shitty position as don't really have a leg  to stand on here as far as I'm aware whereas back home I would be drawing up legal papers right now and filing them to get a restraining order
C: This has made me look like a complete >>>> in front of all the other teachers.

I have spoken to Co-T etc and given my opinions/thoughts - the girl pulled numerous stunts/games during our relationship, hence the break up a few months back. Clearly she is not right in the head and I have not been in contact with her at all recently...however she does hold that trump card of causing huge problems for me at school....

What would u do ??? I have been to see principal and apologised profusely in the little Korean I know, but seriously, how badly do u think her trouble-making will affect my peers perception of me after this mornings debacle...

Am seething but know that I cannot retaliate as it will only provoke the situation....

[Adobe]

They say hell hath no fury like a [Korean] woman scorned. My sympathies, this isn't likely to end well for you.

Two friends had similar experiences(although to be fair the one was a cad of note and had it coming) both times it resulted in them leaving the country. The cad was being overly promiscuous and a braggart of note, the other one was a nice guy but didn't have the sense not to tell his gf about his days, riding the magic dragon. Both girls were decent people(from what I saw and knew) but didn't enjoy having their feelings played with. Some Korean girls see relationships in a different light compared to back home.

Do you have any Korean friends who can help you with presenting your side of the story/damage control?

[Incredagogue]

I think you need to looking closely at whatever went down between you and her and (honestly) try to see if you are legally liable for anything you have done. If not, then I think you should look into Korean harassment laws. Her calling your workplace is completely unwarranted - the only situation when this might be even *remotely* appropriate is if you had done something illegal.

[psa12]

Yeah best of luck with this mate. I'd say talk to her first...

[justanotherwaygook]

Wow at some the responses on this thread so far.

Obviously what she is doing is wrong and she has some serious issues to work out.  Sounds like a terrible person and there's no escuse for her behavior.

Restraining orders to exist.  I would highly suggest looking into it.  Your embassy may be able to point you in the right direction (though you will have to do the leg work).

This refers to domestic violence, of which it seems you were not a victim.  But her behavior does demonstrate a cause for concern.  Her behavior MAY be considered stalking, as described below.

http://www.asktheconsul.org/victims_crime_korea.pdf

Victims of domestic violence can seek a protection/restraining order by contacting their local police or the domestic violence assistance hotline listed below. Restraining orders are enforced through the court system. If a defendant breaks the restraining order and is reported, s/he could be imprisoned for up to two years and/or fined up to 20,000,000 won. The act of stalking is defined as the obsessive following, observing, or contacting of another person and is punishable as a criminal offense. People seeking and obtaining someone's personal information in order to contact that person will be regarded as stalkers under the law.

[woman-king]

I have no idea how easy it is for a Western guy to get a restraining order against a Korean woman in Korea.  I'd be interested to hear someone with personal experience weigh in on that.  Not the first story I've heard/read in Korea, by a long shot, of exes crossing what seems like really basic lines of common decency and adult behavior in order to enact vengeance.  Standards about domestic-type disputes and how they're handled are rather different here.  It seems to be considered much more understandable to have nervous breakdown-style episodes after a bad breakup or when someone cheats on you or something--Korean culture might expect people to take a lot of sh*t from their superiors, but I've been surprised at how sort of lenient it is towards volcanic emotional-fueled erratic behavior sometimes.

Also, I would think it'd be a good idea to really double-check on whether or not the "dates don't match up," and offer to go to whatever lengths necessary to prove it, if it comes to that and if you can get your ex to go along with you there.   

[donuts81]

Strangely this isn't the first time I have heard of this happening. She doesn't have a limp and come from Suwon does she? ::)

Anyway more seriously...
If it isn't endangering your work other than through sheer embarrassment then I suggest you deny everything and say that she is unstable/crazy and that this is the exact reason why you broke up.

If it is causing trouble at work and you an energetic type then you could try as above but also look into bringing a defamation case against her. Apparently in Korea it doesn't even matter if she is saying the truth or not, just whether she is bringing your reputation into disrepute. I will admit I've never heard of anyone doing this but I've heard of plenty of foreigners being threatened by their academies', so I don't see why it wouldn't work at least as a threat.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamation#Republic_of_Korea
"Korea is interesting as truth is not important with defamation; any words harming another can be considered illegal and may be punishable with fines and imprisonment."

If none of that is working and your life is now an unbearable hell, then you could always call her workplace and reciprocate.

[justanotherwaygook]

Strangely this isn't the first time I have heard of this happening. She doesn't have a limp and come from Suwon does she? ::)

Anyway more seriously...
If it isn't endangering your work other than through sheer embarrassment then I suggest you deny everything and say that she is unstable/crazy and that this is the exact reason why you broke up.

If it is causing trouble at work and you an energetic type then you could try as above but also look into bringing a defamation case against her. Apparently in Korea it doesn't even matter if she is saying the truth or not, just whether she is bringing your reputation into disrepute. I will admit I've never heard of anyone doing this but I've heard of plenty of foreigners being threatened by their academies', so I don't see why it wouldn't work at least as a threat.

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamation#Republic_of_Korea
"Korea is interesting as truth is not important with defamation; any words harming another can be considered illegal and may be punishable with fines and imprisonment."

If none of that is working and your life is now an unbearable hell, then you could always call her workplace and reciprocate.

ooh good idea.  Just ask the Zenkimchi guy about this stuff.

[dmw]

Thanks for responses

Have decided not to pursue legal route .... just yet ... co-T spoke with ex and situation seems to have been resolved (until she decides to make some other ludicrous claims I suppose.) Could have been dealt with privately between us with no need to involve my school, but I guess she thrives on causing trouble and threatening my job instead of sorting things out decently.

On my side I have blocked/deleted all contact details so hopefully she will not attempt to contact me again....fortunately she does not know my building door code + apartment door code, and I am able to disconnect my intercom (figured out how to do this when I had several evenings/early mornings with continuous ringing on it by her).

All I want to do is get on with my job which I really enjoy and be rid of her for good - and I hope Karma saves up something special for her in the future.

Crying-Wolf is no laughing matter, especially when people's jobs are at stake. If it happens again it's straight down the legal route for certain.

[flasyb]

Thanks for responses

Have decided not to pursue legal route .... just yet ... co-T spoke with ex and situation seems to have been resolved (until she decides to make some other ludicrous claims I suppose.) Could have been dealt with privately between us with no need to involve my school, but I guess she thrives on causing trouble and threatening my job instead of sorting things out decently.

On my side I have blocked/deleted all contact details so hopefully she will not attempt to contact me again....fortunately she does not know my building door code + apartment door code, and I am able to disconnect my intercom (figured out how to do this when I had several evenings/early mornings with continuous ringing on it by her).

All I want to do is get on with my job which I really enjoy and be rid of her for good - and I hope Karma saves up something special for her in the future.

Crying-Wolf is no laughing matter, especially when people's jobs are at stake. If it happens again it's straight down the legal route for certain.

"She's a crazy girl. Why are you listening to her? Next time she calls, just hang up." [dismissively wave hand]

Hold your head high, don't let it touch you and just get on with being the best teacher you can be. The more you react, the more your colleagues will try to work out why you're reacting that way. Some will assume the accusations are true. Some will believe you - all based on the same reactions (they will transfer what they think of young men/young foreign men/foreigners in general onto you).

Invite your co-teacher out for dinner and soju (if the co-teacher is male) and talk about it in private. Ask him if he ever had similar problems and what he did to resolve them. Maybe he's had a rocky relationship in the past and can relate. Put him in a master/padawan relationship and he'll come round to your side and understand your plight. If it's a woman, I'm not sure what you should do. Whatever happens though, keep your damn head! Give them nothing to play with.


Suing for defamation might not be a bad idea, especially since you've acknowledged the problem publically rather than dismissing it. A forced letter retracting the lies might be the ticket now it has come so far.

Honestly, I'd have just laughed, called BS and told anyone answering the phone to her to hang up.

[jman_82_99]

Hey, check out this link: http://www.lifeinkorea.com/boards/read.cfm?boardid=19&msgid=155

Check out the link and you'll notice some people (especially men) seem to be pretty pissed and drop some harsh words on korean girls. lol. i guess the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" is kind of relevant here since so many people view korean girls are sooo glamorous and beautiful, but inside they're full of you know what. In fact so full of (you know what) that every pore on their body is overflowing with it. Uh-oh, maybe i'm being too harsh on them and might get in trouble for saying this. lol. Anyways, better luck dating korean girls next time. 

[flasyb]

Hey, check out this link: http://www.lifeinkorea.com/boards/read.cfm?boardid=19&msgid=155

Check out the link and you'll notice some people (especially men) seem to be pretty pissed and drop some harsh words on korean girls. lol. i guess the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" is kind of relevant here since so many people view korean girls are sooo glamorous and beautiful, but inside they're full of you know what. In fact so full of (you know what) that every pore on their body is overflowing with it. Uh-oh, maybe i'm being too harsh on them and might get in trouble for saying this. lol. Anyways, better luck dating korean girls next time. 

Wow! This one (from your link) must be straight from those nice chaps at Korean Sentry. Complete with bad punctuation, poor spelling, strange logic and a vengeful sense of racial prejudice:

listen, if youre a white guy. theres no way you can handle a korean girl.
stick to your own race, get your own culture if you have one..
and stop complaining about your woman, stop crying about it and blaming "korean" girls.

every woman you date, f***, fight or beat up is a reflection of your loser image.. its disgusting, i hate white men who go for asian girls..
go for your own race, you cant handle it.

Even if I didn't meet my Australian gf a few months after coming to Korea, teaching girls at high school would have put me off. I know that's a little unfair because they've yet to really grow up but you can usually get a good idea of the kind of adult someone is going to become by the time they reach their late teens.

I think the cultural bridge between the UK and Korea is great for drinking friendships between the fellas - men bond over beers in the pub in the UK and over soju in restaurants and hoffs in Korea. I think the male-female relationship bridge would be much harder to cross though. I admit that's just speculation on my part. Never dated a Korean.

Here's a text exchange in America found on buzzfeed and turned into a radio piece on a New Zealand Radio station.
I promise you that this is unmissably hilarious.

Crazy people are everywhere. It usually boils down to confused or, judging by some of the comments on jman_82_99's link, betrayed expectations. They're hating on those Korean girls but anyone getting divorced after 7 years of marriage must be incredibly upset and frustrated. I take it with a shovel of salt.

I do have a couple of genuine questions for Korean daters/marriers from my position of total ignorance on the subject so please don't take this the wrong way. Is it true that Koreans always seek to marry to people on a similar social level or higher? If that's the case, when you marry a Korean as a foreigner (white/black/hispanic/whatever), are they usually from "lower" social classes (poorer backgrounds perhaps) or is that just a social myth/false impression? I know a fairly well-off bar owner in my town (his family owns two bars) and he's getting into his 30s and is always taking about how there are no "good" girls around. There are definitely nice, good-looking girls in the town and I wonder if what he was really talking about was "marrying down." Anyway, it's a bit of a loaded question, I know, and I'm not out to offend anyone. Just curious to know from people with more experience in that area what they think about that.