Student was Jacking-Off In Class

[ToulouseLautrec]

Wow....

One of my 5th graders felt the need to get off in the middle of class today. Yowzas!!!

I was actually standing over his group's table... and didn't notice anything unusual... until his arm started going a  mile a minute under the table! Yikes! Poor kid must have thought he was invisible! He seemed to be trying to keep a straight face, looking straight forward at the girl across from him....!!

My stomach almost dropped from the embarrassment, and I just walked to the other side of the room, hoping my co-teacher (a man) would handle it.... I think may be 4 minutes later he quietly said something to him from across the table, but I can't be sure.

I wanted to flick his ear, or say something at that moment, but I was too shocked.

What would you do in this situation???

[flasyb]

go down on him




Just kidding. 

There's the very complicated situation of "face" involved here. No parent would ever "believe" that of their son, particularly in Korea. They'd just call you a liar so you can't go to them. Most kids that age are too young to know what's really going on so his classmates likely didn't notice. I'd just flick his ear, get his attention and then make him go to the bathroom. Is there a special needs teacher/councillor at your school?

[ToulouseLautrec]

Actually, yes, there's a new counseling lady... I should try to talk to her...

[madison79]

I would handle it in private and just explain that it's not something one does at school or in public.  Don't want to make him feel bad or like it's wrong about what he did just where u did it was the issue. 

[sheikhnguyen]

I had a similar experience with 2 6th grade boys one of whom was full on groping (really full on) the other boy during class. I had given everyone a worksheet to do and was walking around checking answers etc when i came up behind them and saw what was going on. I just flicked the back of the gropers head, and said stop. They both looked up reddened a bit and he stopped. I said nothing further to them and nobody else noticed what was happening.

As to the OP's question I think he is probably just discovering that whole aspect of life and perhaps doesn't know that it is inappropriate in a public setting. I would echo what Madison has said and just make it clear to him that it is usually something done in private and that it is a natural part of life.

Also don't get his parents involved and if your co teacher suggests that I think you should strongly disagree. Trust me when I say no 12 year old boy wants his parents to know he is scratching that particular itch.....

If you are incapable of telling him yourself, or don't feel comfortable, may I suggest you get a male teacher to talk to him about it and not the counceler lady.

Good luck

[flasyb]

Actually, yes, there's a new counseling lady... I should try to talk to her...

For sure. I'm not sure about the level of your 5th grade student but shorting of miming "the act" and then doing the arm cross and accompanying "no!" I'm not sure that I could explain it to most students at my school.

Given the fact you are a foreigner here, on a foreign visa, I'm not sure that this is something you should talk about directly with the student, even if you are fluent in Korean or his English level is quite high.

I think you should go to the new councillor lady (that's what she's there for, right?) with a serious expression on your face and quietly tell her the name and class of the student before explaining (if you can) or miming (if you have to) what he did. Just act all embarrassed and blush if you can. You don't want to get the kid "in trouble" but someone certainly needs to have a talk with him and perhaps a few counselling sessions. Maybe you feel you could handle that but I'm not sure that's your role here.

[83travelinman]

I had this happen with a kid in one of my classes in the US. He was masterbating (that is what it is called, right?), and I saw him while I was walking through the room. No one else seemend to notice (he was a special needs kid and his aid was in the room with us), so I went to the front and grabbed a stickey note, continued to teach, and wrote "GO TO THE BATHROOM." I walked by his desk again, put down the note. Just then, his aid noticed, walked up to him and told him to do the same. He went directly.

Here is my opinion, if you don't address it right then and there, don't do anything. You have to wait until it happens again. People are very sensitive to this kind of situation and most Korean teachers/other staff would probably like to avoid that kinda stuff as much as possible. If you are going to talk to anyone about it, talk to your coteacher. That's what he's there for, right? To be a go between you and you other coworkers.

I think going to the counselor would just cause more problems. The parents would certainly be notified, word would get out to other staff. Don't think it would cause you any big harm, but the kid may get some problems out of it.

Also, if he's masterbating in your class, I'm sure hell try to do it in someone elses...Maybe he already has and as the foreigner, your coworkers haven't told you....

Either way, I'm sure he'll grow up to be a fine sexual preditor and you've probably made the "Post of the Year" on Waygook. haha.

[donuts81]

Given the fact you are a foreigner here, on a foreign visa, I'm not sure that this is something you should talk about directly with the student, even if you are fluent in Korean or his English level is quite high.

Good advice. I'd just quietly explain to your co-teacher what you thought was happening and let him deal with it.

If you see the kid doing it again make a point of asking him a question or checking his work. He will get the idea the classroom isn't the place for that kind of activity and stop naturally.

[flasyb]

Here is my opinion, if you don't address it right then and there, don't do anything. You have to wait until it happens again. People are very sensitive to this kind of situation and most Korean teachers/other staff would probably like to avoid that kinda stuff as much as possible. If you are going to talk to anyone about it, talk to your coteacher. That's what he's there for, right? To be a go between you and you other coworkers.

I think going to the counselor would just cause more problems. The parents would certainly be notified, word would get out to other staff. Don't think it would cause you any big harm, but the kid may get some problems out of it.

Actually, I think I'd like to scratch my previous advice about the councillor and second this advice. The next time, it's the subtle post-it note approach or a clip around the ear. If it happens again, then try to palm it off onto your CT, so to speak. If nothing changes and he keeps masturbating in class, then try to take it to the councillor - that's as a last resort.

I guess my advice about the councillor came from a place of being a foreigner and really thinking that this is something a Korean at your school should be handling. Simple enough to give him a clip around the ear and/or send him off to the bathroom though. Leave the councillor out of it for now - that was poor advice.

I'd have thought the shame of being caught would be enough to stop the majority of kids from doing it again.

[Munwon]

Thread title of the month! :o

[ToulouseLautrec]

Just spoke to my (annoying) co-teacher about it.... He said "not a big deal."

Of course he'd shrug it off.

I suggested that if it happens again, we tell the student about appropriate vs. inappropriate spaces for private matters....

To be honest, this has happened with one of my 4th graders during class as well, but he's a special student and it wasn't as dramatic as this 5th grader's... incident...

[Jozigirl]

If he's a special needs student, there's not really anything you can do about it.  I've had this happen to me with university students - who were most definitely not special needs! - sitting in the front row while I gave a lecture.  I also had it happen in a tutorial group that I was leading: a guy was feeling up (presumably) his girlfriend who happened to be dressed in full burka - all you could see were her hands and eyes.  That one was a shocker!  The best story, though, was when one of my colleagues back in SA was on duty in the dormitory and had to room inspections.  In one room, she found three butt-naked 15-year-olds going at it rather...energetically...all of whom tried to disperse and hide when she entered the room.  I don't think she ever did room inspections again after that! 

For a kid in elementary school though, he's at an age where he's probably not sure of a lot of things himself.  If you co-teacher did say something to him in class and says it's not a big deal, let it go.  There's no point in embarrassing the kids more than he may already be.

[ToulouseLautrec]

If he's a special needs student, there's not really anything you can do about it.  I've had this happen to me with university students - who were most definitely not special needs! - sitting in the front row while I gave a lecture.  I also had it happen in a tutorial group that I was leading: a guy was feeling up (presumably) his girlfriend who happened to be dressed in full burka - all you could see were her hands and eyes.  That one was a shocker!  The best story, though, was when one of my colleagues back in SA was on duty in the dormitory and had to room inspections.  In one room, she found three butt-naked 15-year-olds going at it rather...energetically...all of whom tried to disperse and hide when she entered the room.  I don't think she ever did room inspections again after that! 

For a kid in elementary school though, he's at an age where he's probably not sure of a lot of things himself.  If you co-teacher did say something to him in class and says it's not a big deal, let it go.  There's no point in embarrassing the kids more than he may already be.

Definitely don't want to make any of the kids feel bad..... Hopefully they learn!

(University students should definitely know better though....  ???)

[gravyhead]

Some funny stories here. Lets hear some more. 

[rameusnephew]

"Flick his ear," huh? Kind of a strangely finicky potential response. . .

No, really, yeah--the kid probly has no idea of the scale of the weirdness of this "private act" in the classroom. Indeed, if you were to somehow shame him, even casually, the effect on his psyche--especially vis-a-vis the rest of the class--might be even more damaging.

On my way to a public school classroom in ROK, hopefully, but I can't say this here anecdote whets my appetite. 

[hilarity ensues]

I have to agree with travelinman-- this is just one of those things that kids do because they don't have the same sense of social rules that everyone else does. It's kind of like chewing your fingernails or picking your nose-- there's absolutely no need to start freaking out about it because you think it's gross/messed up-- kids are just like that.

He's probably just hit puberty, which is humiliating enough... just give him your teacherly 'not a good thing' look, shake your head and maybe make an x with your index fingers. There's absolutely no reason to assume he's some sort of deranged pervert-- he's a kid!

[tesoljon]

This seems to be more common here in Korea than in the US--or maybe I just never heard about it back home. My recruiter had a party for the teachers in our province and a very similar story was shared. I caught a 1st year high school with his hand down his pants last month. Unfortunately for him, his classmates noticed before I could do anything.

I agree that it needs to be handled immediately and not brought up later. But would it be better for a male teacher to address the masturbation issue with a male student, or does it matter?

...If it happens again, then try to palm it off onto your CT, so to speak...

*snort*

Yes, my mind is in the gutter.

[happninmojo]

When I was teaching in Korea last year one of my least well behaved students would always grope another smaller student (two boys) and one day was rubbing his crotch under the table....

I let my co-teacher deal with it.

[kyndo]

"No, really, yeah--the kid probly has no idea of the scale of the weirdness of this "private act" in the classroom."

"...this is just one of those things that kids do because they don't have the same sense of social rules that everyone else does."
 :o

I don't know what you guys were like in middleschool and in highschool, but I knew damn well that that sort of stuff wasn't socially acceptable. Come on people -- this isn't normal behaviour for a middleschooler much less from older students, and saying "aw he didn't know any better" is a cop-out that really doesn't help anybody, certainly not the student.

I personally think that 83travelinman's advice is solid.

[MWeb37]

go down on him