Kindergartener Who Compulsively Plays with her Genitals in Class

[JamericanTeacher]

Hi All,

I'm writing this on behalf of a friend for advice.  She has a kindergarten student who compulsively plays with her genitals in class.  She says it's constant, started a few months ago and progressed from sticking her finger up there to sticking pencils up there.  She says she spoke to her boss about it and her boss just brushed it off and ignored the issue.

She fears the child my be being molested at home but who knows what the issue might be.  Considering her boss ignored her when she brought up the issue, and the wrath that might be brought upon her if she speaks to the child's parents about it, any advice on who she can contact to make sure this child gets some intervention on whatever the problem may be?

[GEK]

Touchy. 

When a kindy boy plays with his new toy constantly, is it common to think thee is some home molestation occurring?  No.

When a girl does it, is it different?  I'm not sure, honestly, Ive never heard of such a thing.

If indeed it is a sign of molestation, you need to alert a Korean that you trust (or, at least one who can interpret for you) and contact the police. 

Easier said than done.  It'll take balls of steel from you and even then, expect nothing to happen (except bad things with you and your job). 

At the end of the day, you will feel that you've done all that you can do.  And, that's all you can do.

[Busanveggie]

Speaking from my experience a a Child Protection social worker in my home country, it is very possible that this is a sign of molestation. It is more common for boys to play with their genitals than girls as boys genitals are an extremity so its common to 'investigate' more as they have something right 'there' infront of them, while girls do not.

However, it is also possible that the girl as an infection and possibly an itch/pain and is trying to find a way to relieve it. Is it possible to speak to the school nurse and approach it from a medical rather than molestation angle. I have known of children who did this and were not being abused, however she is right to be worried.

[Busanveggie]

Ps, I really would not recommend going to the Police at this stage, if it is something innocent that could cause all sorts of trauma for the family. Somebody needs to talk to the girl first and foremost.

[GEK]

Speaking from my experience a a Child Protection social worker in my home country, it is very possible that this is a sign of molestation. It is more common for boys to play with their genitals than girls as boys genitals are an extremity so its common to 'investigate' more as they have something right 'there' infront of them, while girls do not.

However, it is also possible that the girl as an infection and possibly an itch/pain and is trying to find a way to relieve it. Is it possible to speak to the school nurse and approach it from a medical rather than molestation angle. I have known of children who did this and were not being abused, however she is right to be worried.

Bottom line: someone must alert the girl's mom.

I didn't even think of rash, infection, fungus, etc.

Let a doctor diagnose and let the family take it from there.

So, the only problem is how to alert the family.....

 

[cragesmure]

I hate to disagree with the above posts, as I do agree that there is clearly a problem here.
Situation A - There's a medical reason for it.  You point it out.  Parents lose face.  You are seen as a problem.  Probably no action is taken to rectify the situation.
Situation B - There's a psychological reason for it.  You point it out.  Child loses face.  You are seen as a problem.   Certainly no action taken to rectify the situation.
Situation C - There is some form of abuse.  You point it out.  You lose face.  You are seen as a problem.  Less than no action is taken to rectify the problem.
Is there a problem?  Yes.  Is there a feasible solution? No.  Sad, but true.

[karenology]

She shouldn't go to the police, nor directly to the kid's mother...I think the nurse would be the best bet in this situation.   The nurse would be more likely to know what to do in this instance, whether the problem be molestation at home or a medical issue.  But someone other than the do-nothing boss should really be notified. 

[shkim]

I hate to disagree with the above posts, as I do agree that there is clearly a problem here.
Situation A - There's a medical reason for it.  You point it out.  Parents lose face.  You are seen as a problem.  Probably no action is taken to rectify the situation.
Situation B - There's a psychological reason for it.  You point it out.  Child loses face.  You are seen as a problem.   Certainly no action taken to rectify the situation.
Situation C - There is some form of abuse.  You point it out.  You lose face.  You are seen as a problem.  Less than no action is taken to rectify the problem.
Is there a problem?  Yes.  Is there a feasible solution? No.  Sad, but true.

These are all assumptions that no action will be taken to address this issue. There is a problem, and yes this problem is definitely outside of our payscale. It still doesn't mean that the issue shouldn't be addressed in some form, regardless of how unlikely that a solution will be reached.

I believe the nurse scenario is the best plan of action. You could address this as a health concern to the nurse, which wouldn't come off as strong as a sexual abuse accusation. She can investigate if there is any type of fungal infection. Hopefully this can be remedied with medication. If it happens to be the more violent scenario, a medical opinion will always hold more weight than our own assumptions.

Going to the police or speaking to the mother directly should be avoided, at least for now. These are pretty bold accusations, and without proof they are just one person's assumptions.

[hankmcmasters]

thanks for your post.  next time my students are talking in class and won't shut up, next time they're all late, i'll be able to laugh it off.

i would probably walk out of the room if there was a girl stuffing herself with pencils.

[GEK]

Kindergarten. Sound like an academy: so, I doubt there's a nurse.

[Janitor]

I have been in this sort of situation before, just maybe not so much with pencils. The biggest challenge I face is that my director was a little bit of a moron. When I first told her about it, she just laughed and said it was natural and followed with a comment like "Wait 'til you're a Daddy"

I finally took the kid to the director and she asked what was wrong. The kid, just explained that it was itchy. They talked about it and I think she called her mom. At any rate, it was a hygiene issue. A lot of times, kindies (much younger than in the west) are still babies for the most part and attending a hogwan means that their Moms are not there to look after them. There is always a threat of pee, poop, and whatnot. Some kids just sit in it and develop an infection.

Be it known also that older boys won't get circumcised until around the age of 12 which in my experience has also made for the boys to rub down there. They call it "whale hunting" and I would imagine that it is an uncomfortable experience to say the least.

Again, I would talk to another Korean teacher first and then the director again. Just make the situation known. Ask another teacher to take her out of class when she does it. They will take action after that

[karenology]

...circumcised at 12?  Is that for real, and why?  I mean, if you're going to do that to your kid, whatever but then why wait until you can inflict the maximum amount of pain?

I'm with Hank...now I'm glad my kids hardly ever come to my class with their pencils.  Although that means they have to borrow mine.  Eww.