What would you do? (issue with my school really imposing on my personal life)

[#basedcowboyshirt]

What would you do in this situation?

I got a phone call today from my main coteacher saying that I should let a student who is from Jeju live with me in my apartment for 15 days because the dormitory at our school is under construction.

My apartment is very, very small, consisting of basically a bed, a sink and two burner stove, and a washroom.

I feel like this is way overstepping the bounds of what I should be expected to do. I've gone out of my way to help with stuff not required by my contract, and usually done it with a smile, but this would essentially put my entire social and personal life on hold for half a month, while at the same time having a stranger sharing my already cramped living space.

This isn't the first time this coteacher has done something like this. Earlier in the year he gave two students my personal cell phone number without notifying or getting permission from me before, so that they could "call me for five minutes every night for 'enjoyable chats' to improve their English," and for the next month I was getting calls nightly, right at dinner time, from these two.

Unfortunately, this teacher is also really influential at the school, so butting heads with him would end badly for me, more than likely.

Suggestions / has anyone ever heard of something like this before?

If it was for a day or two, I'd happily do it, but 15 days of having a kid stay in my apartment is insane.

[bmsteacher]

You have been put in a difficult situation; I’m sorry.  You might explain that it would be highly inappropriate, if not illegal, for a minor to be living with you (unsupervised).  You could stress that this situation makes you very uncomfortable and that you cannot guarantee the student’s comfort (i.e. safety).  I understand how you don’t want to irritate the relationship you have established with your school and colleagues; however, in such an unprecedented situation as this (I’ve never heard of such a request before), it might be good to stand firm and just say ‘No, I’m sorry’.  Good luck!

[eggplant_tyrant]

Wow. That's... something. I'll bet they're rationalizing it like this: They're paying for your apartment, so they might as well maximize on their investment.

I don't really have much constructive advice to offer (maybe pretend you're coming down with some really infectious disease, and express concern for the student's health if he stays with you?), but I just want to express my sympathy. That is definitely asking too much, not to mention being wildly inappropriate for both parties. Hopefully you can get out of this situation without making too many waves. However, if it does come down to you being the "uncooperative foreigner," then I'd say it's still worth saying no.

Hmm... Do any of the other teachers have a child who attends your school? Maybe you can fob the kid off on them, under the guise of the student being more comfortable staying with a classmate.

^^Basically what he said.

[msqueen888]

OMG!!!  this is the strangest one yet.  just say no man!  thats your bedroom.  dont do it.  unless they make it worth your time.  this could be considered overtime pay.

[taeyang]

sorry to hear about that!

i suggest saying that you have night terrors?

try to swing it so that they think that the idea is a terrible one (because it really is).

[confusedsafferinkorea]

You must refuse, it is inappropriate for a student to share accommodation with a teacher, you will be opening yourself to all kinds of potential problems if you allow this.

[JamericanTeacher]

I would just straight up tell them I'm not comfortable with that.  Look, we are here providing a service at the govt's request so dont go thinking you have to put yourself in compromising positions bc the school pays for the apt.  That is YOUR personal space for the contract term.

Tell them in a very calm and professional manner that the apt is very small and you simply dont feel comfortable sharing such cramped quaters with a stranger.  A student nontheless.  If they push back suggest that perhaps the student can stay with the coteacher who's making the request or perhaps the principal as I'm sure they have much larger living quaters.

If they try to force you tell them you've always been a commited employee and enjoy working there but will be forced to leave and report the incident to EPIK if you're public school.  And mean it!

Its one thing to be flexible, its another thing to give up your dignity and liberty.  You'd get another job if you walked away, but for christ sakes stand on principle on this one.

[eggplant_tyrant]

Also consider this: If the student is staying in the school dorms, then his parents are paying for him to do so. I highly doubt they would be pleased to learn that, instead of providing him the acceptable housing for which they are paying, the school has placed their son in a tiny (presumably one-room?) apartment with an unknown adult. Were I in the parents' place, I would be very upset to learn that the school had even proposed such an arrangement.

[GEK]

This is an insane situation.

However, I guess if I really liked my job, I would spend 150,000 for 15 days and move to a really nice goshiwon while the student lived in my place.  Of course, 15 days might turn into 30 or even 60.  You really never know.  Give an inch and some people will take a yard. 

Can't you just say, "no!, it's weird, even in Korean culture."  Then see how they handle it from there.  How can they justify this?  Why isn't the kid staying with a Korean?  Sounds like someone is paying extra to live with the waygook. 
 
 

[#basedcowboyshirt]

Yeah, there's no way that my sanity could endure having a roommate in this tiny one room apartment.


Out of curiosity, in my original post I said how this same coteacher was giving out my private phone number without my knowledge or permission and telling students to phone me to practice their English outside of working hours. Has anyone ever had anything like that happen to them, either?

[GEK]

Yeah, there's no way that my sanity could endure having a roommate in this tiny one room apartment.


Out of curiosity, in my original post I said how this same coteacher was giving out my private phone number without my knowledge or permission and telling students to phone me to practice their English outside of working hours. Has anyone ever had anything like that happen to them, either?

Regarding the phone number:

I would really like to have a 5 minute Korean lesson via phone twice a week.
Why not give his/her phone number to me?  Just explain that you are helping out a friend who is trying to learn English.   
I'm serious.  I really need to practice my Korean and I need a teacher, not just a shop owner or friend.

Before the whole, "someone sharing your studio apartment" happens, ask if it's OK for one of your friends who is visiting can stay with him/her.  Tell her/him that you have three friends visiting and only two can fit in your studio so you need someone to stay with him/her.  If he says it's ok, well, just PM me and I'll come stay the same 15 days that the Korean kid is staying with you.  I need a vacation.   

[xnay]

Try and record the actual conversation of this teacher asking for this and then you refusing. That way, if things go sideways on you, the recording might help you out.

Allowing a student into your apartment opens you up to a range of possible legal problems if something happens or doesn't happen. Protect yourself and your credibility first. You can always get another job.

[JamericanTeacher]

Yeah, there's no way that my sanity could endure having a roommate in this tiny one room apartment.


Out of curiosity, in my original post I said how this same coteacher was giving out my private phone number without my knowledge or permission and telling students to phone me to practice their English outside of working hours. Has anyone ever had anything like that happen to them, either

I've given out my number to ss but have never had a KT do it.  It seems to me that you need to start speaking up for yourself lest they continue to take these liberties with you.  Its also possible that the KT is just a thoughtless person and didnt think it was a big deal.  Either way just ask her to check with you before giving out your number next time and stop taking the kids' calls if it bothers you that much. 

And dont you spend a dime on hotel accomodations as someone suggested above.  Thats simply ludacris.  Let the school pay for hotel accomodations for the student as its their responsibility.

And please please please suggest that the student stay with the KT.  I'd love to hear how she feels about that.

[twitch]

oh wow....a student staying in your apt for two weeks? 
this would be a major mistake.  what a horrible position they have put you in.
but...from a legal point of view....absolutely no way would i do this. 
that kids parents would have you arrested so fast, for anything THEY deemed inappropriate.

no way!!!!!!!
save yourself in this case. 

one of my 9th graders asked to come to my apt to visit me and i said, i'm sorry....i'm a teacher and that wouldn't be a good idea.

the phone number thing....actually korean teachers give their numbers to all of their students so your coteacher probably didn't see anythign wrong with this.  i wouldn't answer the phone if i were you.  LOL

good luck!

[#basedcowboyshirt]

It's a male teacher that's put me in this position. It's awkward because he's really buddy-buddy with the principal, vice-principal, and head of the parents committee, so he has a bit of a god complex at the school. He's been incredibly generous to me, and taken me out for dinner about 10 times, but I feel like he thinks that entitles him to demand things of me without asking. It also makes me feel that as soon as I ever get on his bad side, things will rapidly get worse for me at my school. As it is, I lead a pretty cushy life here.

I've helped out with a lot of things he's asked me to, out of decency and reciprocation, and declined a few things when they've been out of line, but this just completely floored me with how insane it is.

Also, the Korean teacher's daughter is currently in America studying, so I know he has an empty bedroom in his apartment.

Anyways, not my problem. I'm well within my rights to say no to this, and I'm going to.

[Arsalan]

Anyways, not my problem. I'm well within my rights to say no to this, and I'm going to.

That's pretty much the only thing you can do.  I can't figure out what they're thinking either, heck maybe they're even pushing the line a bit to what you say yes or no.  In any case, I would think the most impersonal way of doing this would be to bring up security and legal issues; say you could get in much trouble back home for simply having a minor who's not a relative living with you.  Maybe even just politely say you're really uncomfortable with the idea.  Bring some treats for the teachers and offer it to your co-teacher first before giving your answer, that is if you find it could set up a more positive environment for your decline of the request.

You know, someone above him probably made the request.  He's probably popular with everyone because he has no issues bringing requests to you, and he'll surely find a way to bring a rejection of the matter in a light way to whoever asked.  I doubt he's expecting you to say yes.

[cragesmure]

Seriously, why even bother posting the question on a forum?  Would you do it back home?  Regardless of how cushy the job is, it's an unreasonable request, obviously.  Say no, and if you (unreasonably) get fired over it, then get a real job.  My boss asked me something similar back in 2002.  I laughed in her face in front of the entire staff and didn't get fired.  The economy is getting back to what it used to be.  By taking it up the ㅇㅇㅇ, you are just making it harder on those that will take over your job.  Sorry to sound harsh, but this job is not a career.  Get over it.  Worst case, you get an equally good job next week.  Read your contract and stick by it.  I'm guessing there's a clause that states "private accommodation" in there.  It's not rocket science.

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[adamwatch]

Just say a firm no, then explain to them that in your culture such a suggestion is unacceptable. They are trying it on and know it. However many Western teachers put up with anything their employer tells them, that could be why you are in this position.

Adam

[donuts81]

Wow, if this wasn't actually a true story it would be funny.

I don't think you don't need to be worried or confrontational about it, just say no. I don't even think that you need to go through the whole ordeal of making something up, or saying that you feel uncomfortable, or that it would be unacceptable in your home country. It's not even remotely in your contract and you don't want to do it. Done. I'm pretty sure your co-teacher will understand.

I kinda half agree with Arsalan in that your co-teacher might be trying to figure out what to do with this kid and just trying his luck to see if you will take him. I've found that some managers here will just try throwing out these random requests (maybe not as random as this) to make their life easier and see what happens. Generally some less experienced NET's will feel intimidated or over think things, believing that there is some cultural difference that they don't understand and so feel pressured into accepting. Most of the time this is not the case.

I even agree with some of what cragesmure is saying, although the way he put it was about as subtle as a sledge hammer...... and if he has been here continuously since 2002 then teaching has go to be at least a semi-career

Basically unless your co-teacher/ higher ups are completely delusional A-holes you have nothing to worry about

As an aside, at least your school thinks enough of you to ask for you to do something like this. I mean it's got to be good that they don't think of you as a drug addled, alcoholic, child molester, right? It's almost a backhanded compliment.

[adamwatch]

Donuts suggested its a kind of compliment! I think those kind of compliments we can do without!

Adam