Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!

[kalib]

I was doing a lesson where students had to compare objects in their every day life. One boy student raised his hand to give his sentence and he said: "Teacher, my "john" is bigger than his "john.:" (pointing to another boy student). I sarcastically said Oh, really! and the whole class said Really teacher, really! It's bigger than his! 

I could not really fault him on the sentence!

[pizza hamburger]

Third grade told me they wanted to play Rambo.  I told them I had no clue how to play Rambo, so they grabbed a stick and started going under it, because they really meant Limbo.

[jangng]

During camp one year, I had a really bad student who was always up and wondering around the classroom. I told him, "Sit down, young man!" I didn't know that his name was Sang Yong. At the end of the day when he turned in his name tag, I saw that he had crossed out his name and written "Yong Man."

For the rest of camp, he introduced himself with "I am Yong Man."

[monofinn]

Christmas Card

"My nickname is horse. Do you know the reason that I was called? Because my face is longer than others. Anyways, it was glorious I met you....!! Soon X-Mas is coming. So, I'm writing this card."

[Natz]

Really excited :Teacher, teacher, do you like flowers? Yes, I do. Teacher, teacher, the flower dust gives me nose itch! Hehehehe, "flower dust"- pollen. Too cute

[Kaiser]

Student: Teacher, I love you SO much.
Me: Ok, HOW much is SO much.
Student: I love you more than Kimchi, toast, bibimbop, galbi, candy, and chocolate.
Me: That's a lot.
Student: I love you almost as much as T.O.P.
Me: Ok, I love you almost as much as Kwon Yuri.
Student: NO! You have to love ME more.
Me: You love T.O.P. more than me.
Student: That different. He richy.

[dizzl]

I was playing Simon Says with my 3rd graders, then my KT said they could order us around as a treat...

Student: Gas please
Me: sorry?
Student: Gas please
quizzical look at my KT as surely I am mishearing right??
KT: He means fart
Me: oh... well.... no... next!
(growing up that was a "bad" word in my house... still gives me the heebies when I hear it...)

Student2: Teacher kiss please
Me: Um... I will kiss myself on the hand...

I love them they are too cute!

[anichion]

Working with middle schoolers one day last year, I was playing a review game with the class.
they had to make a sentence with the "miniature".
A male student (of course) buts out with "I have a miniature condom". I started laughing and said "yes you do."

[teacherjenni]

This just happened in my 5th grade class

Ss: Teacher, what's this? (holding a 3D origami diamond)
Me: It's a diamond.
Ss: No teacher, a diamond is 2D. What is this 3D?
Me: I don't know.
Ss: Why don't you know? You are English Teacher. Didn't you learn this in elementary school?
Me: Maybe, but elementary school was a very long time ago.
[after class]
Me: It's an octahedron.
Ss: Where did you learn this?
Me: Wikipedia.

[Jozigirl]

Me: Where's Chae Hyeon? Is he sick?
Student: No, he's dumping (in the restroom)

It was such an unexpected response that I started crying from laughing so much.  When Chae Hyeon returned a few minutes later (I was still laughing), my co-teacher innocently asked him: "Are you finished dumping?" He simply nodded while the entire class started laughing again - I didn't even try to explain the crudeness of the comment.

[mg]

Student (English name Brian): Teacher, the desk smells like pizza.
Me: Why don't you lick it.
Brian: Ladies first.

got me.

[wiggum2012]

After a lesson on slang where I taught students that sucks means something is bad and dope means something is good.

"I want to change my suck face for dope face" 

[Merryone]

T: What do you want to study in English class?
Ss: four (holding up four fingers)

[makeshiftb0y]

After reading these, I realize how funny my students are--compared to some of these on here, in my opinion, ha.


Student A: What do you want to be in the future?
Student B: I want to be a gay bar bartender.
A: What does a gay bar bartender do?
B: Gives men my ass. (sees me) Nevermind.... .... Gives service to men.

A: What do you want to be in the future?
B: I want to be an adult.
A: What does an adult do?
B: An adult drinks soju.


A writing assignment, which was supposed to be describing an activity you can do in some specific sort of weather:

I had girlfriend and propose to her. But she so bad girl that she dumped me. So I became gay. Since then I'm gay. I tell people, please respect gay. Gay is not crazy boy. Even though I like men I am confident.


It is sunny day. People are swimming. Suddenly sharks come and eat all men except us. Now there is only women and us, so our eyes are happy. We have fun all day.


Creating their own super hero:
Super Hero name: Lee Myung Bak
Super power: Super ability to lie and deceive people.


This was from a debate about the pros and cons of technology. This was the closing argument of the group arguing the pros, directing these statements to the opposing group:

We all love watching adult video. Without technology, there would be no adult video. so don't lie. You are for technology, and you love adult video. Thank you.

[hellomykimchi]

these Korea kids aren't afraid to tell you that you're fat... but in a slick way...

today, one of my CT, who is in her early 40's, was TOLD by a 4th grader that she was pregnant. (she is not...) the student didn't ASK her... he TOLD her. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

[IslandGook]

Not quite as extreme as some other ones, but this happened with my class today and gave me a chuckle:

Middle School 2 dialogue (Man and woman, deciding where to eat):

Man: Let's have pizza for lunch.
Woman: I love you, but I can't.  (should have been "I'd love to...")

They just can't stop saying "I love you."

[hearyimroar]

"Wow, you have fat legs!"

[Kaypea]

Me: What's your plan for the future?
Low level 3rd grade MS boy student: Have 11 sons.
Me: Why?
Student: Start baseball team.
Me: You'd better get started soon!

*Not super funny, but I was impressed by his ability to be intentionally funny in English.

Me: Do you do any volunteering?
High level 2nd grade MS boy:  I help stupid children do their homework.
Me:  Oh no!  You must call them "mentally challenged"...
Student:  No!  These aren't mentally challenged children.  Just stupid children!  Really!

*hilarious

[Gunpo_Erin]

This happened to me today:
A student sees my iPhone and says
"Teacher. iPhone is bad. Very very bad"
I ask "Why is iPhone bad?"
Students says(like I am some kind of blundering idiot) "Read the news!" and then walks off like I've pained him for asking why.

[cwoo]

One of my middle school students wrote the following as a letter to send to our exchange school in England:

Hello
Goodbye
Good night
Do you eat breakfast?
Do you eat lunch?
Do you eat dinner?
That's all
BYE

Considering his normal level of English and participation in class, I was pleased he'd managed to write such a cohesive letter. It was only when I was ready to post all the work and turned over the letter that I discovered an 'extra' message from the boy:

Goodbye, your home town will be DESTROYED