Stuff My Students Said - please contribute!

[minceandcheese]

Student: "Teacher, I like cock. Do you like cock?"

Me: "Ummm, yeah, long o sound buddy! Coke! I like Coke."

[natale_laplante]

Last week while playing Hangman, the word I had chosen was "hydro" as we were talking about alternative energy.

Me: *writing in 'O'* Yes. There is an 'O'.

Particularly Loud Student: POLIO!

[bscott]

I collected written bits on stickey notes last year when I taught at a Hogwon - kids write the craziest things in their manditory English diaries:

http://users.livejournal.com/blayne_/tag/konglish

Recently, at my new school (Elementary/Public), I had a student ask me "Teacher, are you a Canada-human?"

[klorptar]

I received the following note complete with a dancing cartoon spider:

"Break a fixed idea that spider is scared and horror animal!!!

From: Sherlock
Address: London Baker Street 221 B

To: J Teacher."

 

[Pin]

Me:  Hi, Henry!

(Henry runs away)

Me:  Why are you running away?

Henry:  You're a STRANGER!!

[stuart]

Playing "Teacher Bingo".  The answer was brown and a student guesses the question "What color is your dong?"  Well I'm Black, but I reserved judgement until I could ask a Korea friend what "dong" means in Korean.  I was actually relieved to find out it means "poop" here in The Land of the Morning Calm. 

[mdahl45]

homework: tell me about your day

In the morrning I get up eat breakfast and take a shower.
At 7:30 I ride my father to school.

(Its not good when you laugh at the students and don't want to tell them why.)

[unclefrank]

Me playing hangman:

Category: Movies - ____  ____  ____  _____ (Jaws)

Student: (after pondering a bit, and in all seriousness) Teacher! Transformers!!!

[mountaingoat]

I collected written bits on stickey notes last year when I taught at a Hogwon - kids write the craziest things in their manditory English diaries:

http://users.livejournal.com/blayne_/tag/konglish

I DIIIEEEEE!!! These are flippin hilarious. 

[bfontaine]

I could write pages on this. Some of the classics:

Do you know what a squirrel is?
Yes, a tree rat

Do you know what seal is?
Yes, a water dog

[drborde]

I am teaching Lesson 4, Don't Touch it (Grade 4) so instead of saying Don’t touch it one of my students shouts out "Dong" touch it!

[bscott]

I collected written bits on stickey notes last year when I taught at a Hogwon - kids write the craziest things in their manditory English diaries:

http://users.livejournal.com/blayne_/tag/konglish

I DIIIEEEEE!!! These are flippin hilarious. 

LoL, thanks.   The kids levels were awesome at the hogwon, but sometimes things really didn't compute correctly.

[thektulu7]

One of my first grade middle school students - choosing an animal picture while we are playing typhoon:
Student: Teacher, what is English word for 'gorilla'?
Me: It's gorilla.
Student: Yes, gorilla.
Me: Gorilla.
Student: What is English?
Me: Gorilla is an English word.
Student: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Student eyes me suspiciously.  I still don't think she believes me! She used 'King kong' to describe it after that:)

Your story reminds me of a similar situation I had a couple of weeks ago.

Our topic was hobbies, and I was playing the game where one student cannot see the screen and the other students have to give clues for the student to guess the picture. I had a picture of my wife in a 노래방 with some people we met at orientation. I had the word "SINGING" at the top. After the word was correctly guessed, some students asked me what singing room was in English.

"Karaoke," I said.

"No, that's Japanese. What English?" I had to insist that it was karaoke, and my co-teacher even revealed his confusion by asking me what the English word was. He insisted that "karaoke" was the Japanese word for singing room.

So I had to explain that English is a thieving and conniving language, demonstrating with examples like karaoke and pretzel and so on. I think by the end, I had to assert "karaoke" as ALSO being an English word at least 7 or 8 times.

But yeah...Gorilla. Karaoke is understandable because it even sounds Japanese. But gorilla?

[AC_in_Korea]

I was teaching animals to my grade 3 extra class, using little stuffed animals.  I held up the pig and asked "What's this?"  One of the girls replied with, "donkasuh" - which is pork cutlet in Korean.

Yesterday was a humid day.  I asked my students, "How do you feel today?"  The boy in the front seat totally took me by surprise when he said, "I feel dirty!"

[rdh2209]

I collected written bits on stickey notes last year when I taught at a Hogwon - kids write the craziest things in their manditory English diaries:

http://users.livejournal.com/blayne_/tag/konglish

Recently, at my new school (Elementary/Public), I had a student ask me "Teacher, are you a Canada-human?"

LOL!!! These are hilarious!

[thektulu7]

Actually the guess-the-picture game is fuel for lots of good student-sayings.

Another class reacted to the SINGING picture by giving the following hint: SOJU!

One student CORRECTLY guessed the word 'studying' when another student gave the following clue: "You don't do this."

[Gerhard]

Student: Teacher! I just did a hip shout.

Me: A what?!???

Student: A hip shout (then proceeds to wave his hand around his backside)

amazing!

[Rabulah Conundrum]

I teach Elementary school. Here are a few memorable ones:

Adorable little fourth-grade girl: 'Teacher, Kim Jong Il is dirty dog baby.'

Me: 'OK, this lesson is called "Get Well Soon". Can you name any "illnesses"?'
Student One: 'Cold.'
Student Two: 'Flu.'
Student Three: 'Stomach-ache.'
Student Four: 'Brain cancer.'

Me: 'Where is your home-room teacher?'
Student: 'He die.'

Me: 'How's the weather?'
Student: 'My name is Tae-Hwan.'

4th grade boy: 'Teacher, C-O-C-K. What mean?'

From a co-teacher, but I thought I'd throw it in: 'Your condition is not good. You should visit the nurse's orifice.'

[WTEChesser]

Essay question: Why is it important to study foreign languages?

Student's essay:

m... Is study is we's Korea from. and Korean study is very Great we Korean study and no Japan study and no China study. Yes English.
We only Korean study we don't like languages, ok? Do you like Korean study? we don't want languages. we plese only Korean study WE! don't! like! languages study! We live Korea! Why is it important to study foreign languages? we don't we live No languages. we live Korea, ok? an we only Korea!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The end-

It's very hard... ㅠ ㅠ

[DevilMogun]

One of the boys in my middle school started the usual conversation:

Student "Hello teacher, nice to meet you"

Me: "hmm, yes... " (tired of telling them they've MET me many times over the last few years)

Student "How are you doing?"

Me: "Fine thanks (bored sigh) how are you?"

Student: "I'm f@#$ing sh*t actually"

I had to smile, his delivery was perfect after all.

The funniest teaching experience I had though was in Prague, teaching a small group of bankers.  Their English was pretty advanced and in some lessons we played Scrabble.  One of them began placing his letters on the board saying "I know this is a word, I've seen it somewhere but I can't remember where."

"On an adult website perhaps?" I asked him.  I thought I could blush, but he lit up the whole room once he remembered what c**t means.