Here's another question but I won't bother with a poll.

For those who have ex partners including long term boyfriend / girlfriend that you cohabitated with and those who were married, which is probably everybody here, do you still have a relationship with your ex?

Do you believe it is good to have one? Possible?

I'm still in contact with my ex-wife. I still love her. I'm not in love with her but I do still love her. I send her money and she helps me out by taking care of financial obligations back in Canada. I send her a birthday gift every year. My present wife loves her too and they talk on Skype when we call.  I'm still in contact with my girlfriend from university days 1980ish. I introduced her to her husband.

I admit, the huge majority of people I have met who have been divorced have absolutely no time for their exes. I think that's sad.

just depends on the nature of the breakup, divorces especially usually tend to end on bad terms.

depends on culture too, i've heard if it's with a korean spouse you will never talk to him/her or the family again, unless there are kids involved

Agreed, big cultural differences even in Western countries.

Even as a Westerner, I find the behaviour of (hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but we're all friends here) "white" people quite odd. For example, cohabiting with someone I'm not married with would be asking for trouble. These couples who don't get married for years just blows my mind. One of a women's most valuable assets is her youth, so breakup after a relationship lasting years and you've essentially just wasted your time.

I believe a man should know if he wants to get married to his GF after 6 months. Take time to save or prepare for a wedding but don't jerk someone around or waste their time. Just my opinion.

Regarding past relationships, both my wife and I believe in a clean break. I wouldn't go so far as to hide behind a tree if I see them on the street, but maintaining a relationship with an ex would be a slap in the face to my wife, I'd never disrespect her like that. I see absolutely no logical reason to maintain any relationship with an ex... why?

Only thing, in this regard, that I can accept is that Gwen Steffani's 'Cool' is a great song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU

If you break up on good terms then there is nothing wrong with being friends.

The exception is some people are not compatible with each other and a messy break up/hate/regret is inevitable.

Live in the future, not the past

I think being friends with a past gf/bf would be ok depending on the person and how close you were before dating etc, but after marriage, it just feels like it would be different......

I dunno...I'm still married and dont know why so I cant really have an opinion on the matter I guess

Good points, all.

In my opinion, an inevitable break-up is usually pretty clear well before the split actually happens. Most times it's difficult or impossible for the people involved to see it so they keep struggling to hold things together while the relationship unravels. Afterwards, it's easy (easier) to see where the tipping point was. That point where your best friend says, "Yeah man, I knew you guys were done for when XYZ happened." Which could have been weeks, months or maybe years prior to the actual break-up. This is very often the case when children are involved. People keep hanging on for the kids, when that is probably the worst thing for the kids.

I knew when my first marriage was done for. We weren't fighting, screaming yelling, throwing shit around, but it was broken and couldn't be fixed.

So we sat down, cracked a bottle of wine and grabbed some paper and a pen and figured out what we had and what we owed and came up with a split. No lawyers involved at all.

It was painless and friendly. She drove me to the airport, got a special pass to accompany me to the departure lounge and gave me a hug when I got on that big ol' 747 for Korea. That was in 2005.

The war starts when the inevitable break-up is long past its due date and the people involved keep playing, like a gambler chasing losses.

Exes almost always say, "I should have left him/her when blah blah blah." But they don't leave. They stay and anger becomes hatred all too often. Had they left, maybe they'd still be friends. I did exactly that. I know others who have done the same thing too.

I think the cultural argument is baseless and silly. Just because you split up from someone does not mean you must ghost them and their family for life. Remember, there was a time when you loved each other..........

I think the cultural argument is baseless and silly. Just because you split up from someone does not mean you must ghost them and their family for life. Remember, there was a time when you loved each other..........

You seem unable to be able to view from a different cultural perspective. Your reasoning is sound, but that doesn't mean it's the only form of reasoning out there.

I can't remember the term, but it refers to words having different meaning in different cultures. Aside from that, different cultures and Religions view the institute of marriage differently.

From my perspective, my wife will be the first and oftentimes only person I'll come to with a problem, issue or concern. If the problem is with my wife, again, she'll be the first and only person I'll discuss it with (except of course a professional).
It's a bitch of a man that complains to his friends/mother/co-workers or whoever about personal problems he is having with his wife.

If you find yourself having thoughts or feelings for an ex, you man up, keep that sh*t to yourself, control your hormones like an adult and take it to your grave.
There are 7 billion people on Earth, why do you need to be friends with an ex? Love? BS, people who do this enjoy feeling desired by others. A guy sitting in a room full of women he slept
with is going to feel like a bit of rockstar because each one of these women was attracted to him. Men who enjoy putting themselves in these positions are insecure. Same is true for women.

You might not be able to control your feelings but you can control your actions. If you must, discuss with your wife the option of taking on your ex as a 2nd wife, at least then you're being honest and honouring them both with legitimacy instead of sneaking back and forth like a rat.

If, say, I discovered my ex was the real-estate agent for the house my wife and I were buying then ok, that's a professional relationship.

So there you go, a different cultural perspective. You might not agree, but the reasoning is sound.

You seem unable to be able to view from a different cultural perspective. Your reasoning is sound, but that doesn't mean it's the only form of reasoning out there.

I can't remember the term, but it refers to words having different meaning in different cultures. Aside from that, different cultures and Religions view the institute of marriage differently.

From my perspective, my wife will be the first and oftentimes only person I'll come to with a problem, issue or concern. If the problem is with my wife, again, she'll be the first and only person I'll discuss it with (except of course a professional).
It's a bitch of a man that complains to his friends/mother/co-workers or whoever about personal problems he is having with his wife.

If you find yourself having thoughts or feelings for an ex, you man up, keep that sh*t to yourself, control your hormones like an adult and take it to your grave.
There are 7 billion people on Earth, why do you need to be friends with an ex? Love? BS, people who do this enjoy feeling desired by others. A guy sitting in a room full of women he slept
with is going to feel like a bit of rockstar because each one of these women was attracted to him. Men who enjoy putting themselves in these positions are insecure. Same is true for women.

You might not be able to control your feelings but you can control your actions. If you must, discuss with your wife the option of taking on your ex as a 2nd wife, at least then you're being honest and honouring them both with legitimacy instead of sneaking back and forth like a rat.

If, say, I discovered my ex was the real-estate agent for the house my wife and I were buying then ok, that's a professional relationship.

So there you go, a different cultural perspective. You might not agree, but the reasoning is sound.

How about this? Not everyone is full of hate and anger they can't let go of.

I never invited my ex to visit me in SE Asia. My SE Asian wife did. Yeah, that's right. A man would have to be insane to invite his ex into his house with his present wife. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not insane.

I talked to my ex on Skype and my wife always joined in. After many conversations my wife invited my ex. She continued to invite her with each successive conversation. I never said anything.

My ex asked me if my wife was serious. I told her that the locals don't say anything they don't mean. They say nothing as opposed to saying something that they clearly don't mean. So, my wife would never have asked my ex to visit when she didn't want her too. She certainly wouldn't have asked several times. She would have said nothing.

So, when my ex was assured she really was welcome she came to SE Asia on vacation and stayed with us at the behest of my wife. They have been friends ever since and still talk on Skype.

Not everyone has to hate forever. Or hate at all for that matter. Maybe you do and that's okay.

Aristrocrat, why would I listen to anything besides Foghat and Thin Lizzy? There is no good music today because mumble rap and Taylor Swift.

I'm giving the person the opportunity to forget about me so she can find happiness with someone new.
My perspective prioritises my wife's honour and the happiness of my ex, not my shitty nostalgia.

There's the answer right there. You are profoundly easy to forget about.

What's wrong with music from 40 years ago? Details....