I've missed your posts, but I get that this place can, uh, wear on one's mental health lol.Your situation sounds like a bit of a nightmare: I work at a lot of schools and the teachers all get switched around a lot, so this exact scenario that you've painted is something that I worry about at the end of every school year. I'm sorry to hear that your final months are going to be marred by this experience.Hopefully the recent 180 lasts for as long as you're still teaching with her!I totally agree that the whole "You're not allowed to teach alone in the classroom" is an utter joke. At 3 of my 4 schools I have yet to see most of the homeroom teachers during my classes. I mean, I prefer it this way (except for maybe the grade 3 classes which can be difficult when nobody understands what I'm trying to get them to do lol), but the idea of the hypocrisy involved in turning around and saying it's against the rules when it's no longer convenient for them is infuriating.I hope that things stay tolerable for you until it's time for you to bail and find your greener pastures!
True, I prefer to work with a decent CT is it relieves the burden of controlling the students. The 3rd graders are the worst and she allows them to throw things on the floor, draw on the desks, scream during the lesson and chase one another with scissors. All these years, working at multiple schools, and I've always had a CT I could reach some level of understanding with.She simply accepts uncontrollable behaviour and blames 3rd grade kids for acting like 3rd grade kids. The idea of a student learning discipline and control from a teacher seems completely alien to her. Without her, I can teach far more effectively as I don't have to worry about the feelings of an overgrown, sullen teenager, but the 3rd grades are a different story. I never looked down on people who sought professional help, but I never thought I'd be the one considering it. My stress levels are through the roof and as said, I struggle to sleep, concentrate or focus on things I found enjoyable. As a logical person who absolutely needs things in his life to make sense, being forced to work with an irrational, insecure and emotionally fuelled, weirdo is incredibly taxing.
Grade 3 Elementary School I assume and not Middle?The problem is some kids complain to their parents and then they complain to the schools, principles, education office, etc. This is more an issue in Middle School than Elementary. But, some teachers do get hands tied behind their backs. Not saying this with your coteacher as elementary kids up until grade 5 are somewhat afraid of their teachers whereas Grade 6 and beyond are less so.
Elementary school and yes, you're 100% correct.I understand perfectly, some kids are spoilt and run to mommy for the most trivial things and homeroom teachers have to withstand this onslaught. That said, I've had 3 CTs at this same school before her and not only have I been using the same disciplinary approach and lessons, but so have my CTs and most of them are on par with my level of strictness when it comes to classroom management... no complaints. So, I've already gauged that what I'm doing isn't going to incur anyone's wrath.This lady arrived this year and only started criticising me for these things immediately after I told her that laughing while another teacher is disciplining students isn't professional. Coincidence? I don't think so. I even told her that while I disagree with her opinion that what I'm doing or showing the students are too violent, I'd be willing to be extra careful from now on... FFS, I've got 4 months left, if I have to tiptoe for the next 4 months just to keep the peace, so be it. Nope, she still went apeshit since I didn't 100% agree with her and "hurt her feelings". Geez, lady, no wonder you're in your mid 40s, still single and living with your parents.
The fact that I suggested that she was being sensitive didn't go down well and she got very angry.
The following week, before class, I suggested that we split the classes (I teach 5th and 6th grade, she teaches 3rd and 4th), I've done this in the past with a CT who didn't speak English well and we both found it to be a productive arrangement.This made her incredibly angry and she failed to understand that I was simply suggesting it as one option and that I'd be open to others.
I then messaged her and suggested we have a quick chat, before going home, to work things out. She refused and said she was going home.
Just to keep the peace I apologised
I'm going to play devil's advocate.
Never apologize. In Korea, as is anywhere else, apologizing is a sign of weakness and invites more bullying. Stand firm if you have to.
I'm not doing this to be mean or belittle you. It sounds like you're under an enormous amount of stress with this CT and that is totally understandable, and I'm sure you've taught many effective classes. What I am trying to do is offer an alternative viewpoint so that in the future, you can understand a similar co-worker's mindset and can navigate that minefield.
Your deductions are very perceptive based on the information I gave, but for the sake of brevity there's more that I left out in my initial post.From the get go, I pegged her for someone who was a bit unstable and sensitive, so I was very careful to bring up any issues as delicately as possible. I explained to her that I understood her views and was well aware of overzealous parents badgering homeroom teachers for every little thing. While I was willing to do what she asked, I didn't agree with her assessment of my behaviour.In other words, while I disagree with her opinion I agree with the reality she is presenting and I'm willing to keep the peace, but DON'T call me abusive or say that I have an attitude problem. If you do, I'm going to challenge you on it. Her English isn't the best and the only time she approached me and the only time she made for a discussion were the 5-10min between classes, during which I had to prepare for the next class. So, to explain things, delicately, in such a short time to an emotionally fuelled person who misunderstands almost everything is pretty tough. Once she made up her mind that I was "hurting her feelings", she lost it and pretty much thought I was saying "Screw you, I'm going to play 'violent' videos and 'hit the students anyway." ... a complete misunderstanding and she refused to listen when I tried to explain that, that wasn't what I said. She stormed out the class, began furiously typing on her phone and left me to teach the remaining classes of the day, by myself... very professional and mature.I'm having difficulty understanding why she would be angry as no co-teacher I ever had with this arrangement objected to less work. It's likely she wanted to keep some degree of control over the class, or she felt offended that she wasn't "good enough" to teach with you. This one's a headscratcher without directly asking her.You're not the only one scratching your head, In my experience a CT will happily accept an arrangement that makes their life easier. I stated from the beginning, all I ask is that she control the class and/or help me control the class. She can flex her teaching license and experience all she wants (I have both of those), but ultimately, if you can't control a class, those things mean nothing.Generally, yes, but there are exceptions to the rule. We agreed to reciprocate apologies. I didn't apologise for anything I did in class, I apologised for "hurting her feelings", which according to her was her biggest complaint. Her second being "not understanding Korean culture/manners" and her third being that I needed to be more "humble". "I apologise for hurting your feelings" was all she got out of me and, as far as I'm concerned, wasn't so much an apology but more an acknowledgement of how insecure and childish she is.Again, her English isn't great and I took "humble" and "not understanding Korean culture" as vague words to mean she's unhappy that I'm not allowing her to assert herself as the dominant teacher in the class. Sorry, but if I'm creating and using original material then I'm going to take charge of my own lessons. She also said she had a big problem with me addressing her as Ms. P_ _ _, to the students. I explained that using her first name in front of the students is a bit disrespectful to her and using her last name seemed logical. She explained that the term 'Ms Kim', 'Ms Lee', 'Ms Park' etc. were common titles for Korean women who served tea to their bosses and the students might look down on her for that. Again, she was upset that I didn't apologise for this. I explained that I didn't intend to insult her, nor was this a logical conclusion I could be expected to reach. If she wants me to address her as Medusa or Sauroman the White, I don't care. We're teaching English and a bit of cultural emersion is good for the students.She had insulted me in many ways and before she gave her fake apology, I informed her that I didn't need one. She was free to have any opinion of me that she wished, it doesn't bother me. All I ask is that she keep the students under control so I can get on with doing my job.And for that I thank you, but I challenge you to find another like her, she's an anomaly. We've managed to reach a truce and it seems I've managed to placate her ego while minimising the impact on my teaching. In summary, I think:- She has a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about foreigners- She allows her emotions to get the better of her- She misunderstands things for the worst- She was frustrated at the fact that after bombarding me with empty compliments and small-talk, I wasn't willing to reciprocate with fake flattery and inane babble. - She's oblivious to how fake she comes off and it frustrates her that I, and I'm sure many others, pick it up immediately and choose to create distance from her.- She felt useless in the class since I demonstrated that I didn't need her help with anything, save keeping the students under control, and when she failed in doing that, I took over leaving her with nothing to do.- (I really feel sorry for her and I don't want to go here) She's single, lonely and insecure about that fact.I wish her well, but ultimately, these are not my problems nor are they problems I wish to get involved in.
I do hope things continue to stay stable and workable for you. I really hope they do.
I never even thought of online therapy sessions. Did you think of that yourself or did someone suggest it to you? Good to know they are helpful and beneficial (with the right therapist). I just thought I should be able to handle things myself. (I couldn't but I thought I could.) In the middle of situations it can be really hard to see various options and it can be useful to have outside input.
