You don't even need humans now, there are cameras everywhere. What's the dish here?

Is this story even true?

I got in a fight once in Busan. Some woman was pushing my friend around (HE) so I told her to go away. lol She thought my friend was staring at her friend. Maybe hewas but he's gay so he def didn't mean it like that. anyway, she starts going off on this guy and starts pushing him so I pushed her back. Pretty lame fight with just pushing, but the Thursday Party staff, gob bless them, came and removed her. She was really drunk and they were watching her anyway. We decided to leave soon after because we realised we were in Thursday party.

Wait a minute...are you implementing a shaggy dog story?  Did V.I. put you put you up to this?

HOW DARE YOU

Quite honestly, I've come to grown somewhat fond of V.I's shaggy dog prose.  I can see the appeal....eating some Korean BBQ, downing a few bottles of Korean liquor that only he knows about, with Wonder Woman/Lady Ga Ga music playing in the background, hearing about old stories of interviews he dominated yet written in past tense by way of is journalist days ....I honestly mean that.  It would be a good time, with back-slaps and handshakes.

However, the V.I. shaggy dog mind trick seems to have penetrated the virtual world....buyer beware.

Ah, Thursday Party.... all those... uh.... memories.
I wonder if the ones up in Seoul and Busan are also frenetic, soulless mosh pit meat markets.

C'mon...don't be knocking the the Thirsty-Thursday celebrations at O'Brians.

I'm curious to know from people who have been in physical fights with Koreans how far you can take it without being charged with assault.

What’s wrong with you?

This is like the first, most basic, thing, about living in Korea (or any foreign country). Never commit violence, ever, and especially not to a local. You are automatically guilty, and by the way you aren’t going to “get away with” anything thinking in this dirty way.

In regards to physical violence in South Korea, and what one is able to get away with, let me tell you a little story. Cozy up with a nice glass of banana milk and have a seat on the Ondol.

It all started on a frigid, bitterly cold day back in the year of 06. Little did I know on that fateful day, a simple trip around the corner to the local convenience store would end up being so much more.
I gulped down a quick cup of maxim mocha gold as I reached for my long padding coat. “Man, today is just going to be a great day,” I thought to myself as I extended my arms into the sleeves. After a bit of a struggle, my hands reached through and exited the holes of the coat, like a pair of sunflowers rising from the soil in unison. I quickly grabbed whatever change I could find lying on the counter, and swept it into my padded pocket. I wasn’t aware of the exact amount, but if I were to go by the weight, I’d say it was far past a couple thousand won. “Nice!” I said to myself with a cool smile. I quickly followed the change by dumping my phone into the same pocket and headed through the door. The brisk air flowing through the halls smacked me harder than expected. Flowing with the piercing gusts of air carried also a stench of dog piss. “Ahhhhh, again?” I said dramatically as I shook my head, glancing over to see a large yellow puddle sitting on the side of the hall, not more than a few doors down. I don’t even blame the dog, those owners just had a complete lack of sense. This was not the first time, and I very much doubted that it would be the last. After regaining my composure, I combed my hair to the side, ran my hands along the front of my long padding coat to straighten it, and headed to the elevator. I stood in front of the elevator for probably ‘bout 5 minutes that day. We had three elevators in the building, one for even floors, one for odds, and a shared that stopped at every single on. It didn’t matter though, everyone pressed every button on every floor. You can’t expect a quick ride up and down, it’s something you learn to accept early on. *Ting*, the elevator arrived! I double-checked I had my change with me and stepped inside. Aside from the hangover vomit kindly left inside by someone from the night before, it was a pleasant ride down…. Until the elevator hit floor #4.

The elevator came to an abrupt halt as the fourth floor approached. I laid my eyes down toward the ground, as I hate making awkward eye contact in elevators. However, with my eyes on the ground, I was able to easily see the one who entered was wearing a pair of slippers. These were not a new pair of slippers either, I think their original color had to of been a bright orange or red. Now, however, they were mainly black and brown, covered with scrapes and layers of dirt. As I stood there, secretly making judgmental observations to myself, it occurred to me that the feet had been directly pointed at me the entire time. This person was standing no more than a few inches away from me, why are they facing me? I lifted my head slowly, my eyes passing the sight of their dirty pajama pants, food-stained white t-shirt, and finally to their cold hard brown eyes which were staring back at me. It was an older man, It’d be a complete guess, but I’d say around 36 and a half years old. Without much thought, I quickly said “AHNNYEONG HA SAY YO” and bowed as I pulled back into the corner of the elevator. “ah shi---“ I exclaimed as my foot quickly slid forward. I had forgotten about the vomit. I was able to grab the railing in the elevator just in time, saving myself from falling straight into the puddle. After regaining my stance, filled with utter embarrassment, I decided to glance back up at the man to see his reaction to the situation. Let me be the one to tell you, he looked pissed. When I slipped, I must have lifted my foot too abruptly, because the man has dribbles of you know what, running down his pant legs. The elevator door suddenly opened, thankfully we were on the first floor. Once again, with no thought, I squeaked out a “ME ON HAY YO” and dove around his side and out of the door. I sprinted to the building's door, clearing the five stairs which lay in front of the entrance in one swift go. Once again I said to myself “nice”, with another cool smile.

This might be the point where you are wondering “Yo Swervy, isn’t the man in the elevator the one you had a physical altercation with?” I wouldn’t blame you for that logic, however, the answer is no. The scenes which are to come blow this interaction out of the water, more so than a whale does so from its blowhole whilst cruising around the ocean.

I heard the man leaving the elevator, with a very angry tone finally being able to vacate his throat and fill the air. However, at this point, I swung open the apartment door and booked it around the corner. The convenience store was only two blocks away, the perfect distance to get my legs a bit of well-needed use. Not too far and not too close, like the three little bears, it was juuust right. I skipped my way to the convenience store and made it there in no time at all. The convenience store was nothing to brag home about, but it wasn’t one of those tiny ones you need to scrape your way between the aisles of either. It was just an ordinary shop, or so I had thought. I made my way to the back of the building, right after greeting the cashier with a friendly hello. I grabbed a nice cup of Shin Ramyeon, and swung around to pull open the refrigerator and grab a small can of Milkis. I was at the point, truly ready, to have an amazing lunch. That was until I looked to the corner of the store. Where usually there is a shut, heavy-looking dark brown door, was now just an empty black abyss. “This ain’t my crib, I ain’t goin in there. It simply ain’t right to trespass dog” I said to myself. That was before spotting a big sign above the door which read in Korean “HUGE SALE THIS WAY” with a giant arrow pointing to the entrance though. I stood there, dumbstruck, before breathing to myself “Hmmmmmmmm?. What if I can swipe TWO cups of ramyeon for the low low price of a single cup?” With a peaked interest and before realization, my foot was already gravitating towards the exciting, once in a lifetime, opportunity.

As I entered the seemingly vacant space, the shadows filled not only my physical body, but it felt as if they covered all of my emotions. I wasn’t sure if to feel fear, excitement, or anything. All that I could feel inside was a sense of emptiness. My eyes began to adjust to the near environment, just enough to reveal in front of me a single shelf. My eyes scanned through the darkness covering the shelf, allowing me to spot the single item that lay upon it. It was a wooden box, appearing to be hand-made, though it was too dark so I wasn’t going to make a fact out of that. On top of the box was a poorly placed layer of marked-down stickers, maybe 3 or 4 in total. The top sticker read 4,350원. The grim realization hit me, it was either this or my delicious lunch set. Shucks! I returned to the main part of the store and returned the Milkis and ramyeon, my decision was final. After alerting the cashier that they need some lights in the back, I handed her my change and walked out of the store with my newly purchased wooden box. And for the final time that day, I made a cool smile and once again said to myself “nice”.

After making it back to my room, luckily with no further interactions, I quickly shut the door and peered at my newly possessed box. Sure enough, it was hand-made. The outside of the box contained what appeared to be at least a hundred small, minuscule engravings. They were…. Symbolic of some nature. Now I couldn’t tell you a thing about ancient Egyptian writing, but it appeared to be something of that nature. The box was unusually heavy for its size, it was no more than a few inches in size, yet felt like it weighed multiple kilograms. It had a weird smell to it as well, as if it had been sitting in a musky basement for centuries. “What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?” I couldn’t stop saying it to myself. “What the hell?” After a few moments of confusion and thought, I decided to put the box aside. With full intentions of setting it square on my desk, I ended up putting it on the corner accidentally. The box tumbled to the floor with a loud thud. It sounded like a weightlifter had just tossed a dumbbell onto the wooden floor.

And then the downstairs neighbor came up complaining about the noise and we fought for a while. They hit me and I hit them. Then the court was all like “yeh it’s whatever.” And then I lived happily ever after. Bye bye class time later.

You have a question?

Yes. Will this be on the test?