Hey everyone,

I just started my first public elementary school teaching job through EPIK this week. I have never taught before in any capacity. Ever since I started, I have been feeling extremely low. My school seems okay, and my co-teachers are nice enough, but this job is so much more directionless and vague and open-ended than I anticipated. My co-teachers are also much less proficient in English than I anticipated, and it's hard to communicate with them to figure out how classes will go, which makes it hard to plan what I want to do. This causes me a lot of anxiety, as I really don't do well with ambiguity in that sense.

In addition, and what's perhaps weighing most heavily on me, is that despite having some friends here in Korea, I still feel so extremely isolated and am missing my family absolutely terribly. I miss my mom so very much. It seems I can't stop crying - I barely managed to pull myself together before the students came in for class today. My aunt passed away unexpectedly just weeks before I came here, and I never got to talk to her about how I was going to Korea. She only knew I was because my dad had told her and apparently she was telling all her coworkers about it too... but just thinking that she's gone now, and now I'm actually here, and I'll never get to speak to her about my experience here or get any texts from her throughout each day is extremely heartbreaking for me. And somehow I feel like being here on my own with those thoughts is exacerbating my grief now. Losing my aunt also makes me extremely anxious to be away from my family and miss out on precious time with them.

In addition, my sister is getting married in November (on a Saturday), and I really wanted to be able to go back home for her wedding, but I don’t know if my school will allow me the following Monday off so I could do that (there would be no time for me to make it back for classes Monday because of the time jump).

The language barrier is tough, too. At school, since I'm the only foreigner, I don't feel I'll be able to make any friends here, and even speaking with my co-teachers, I have this sense they want to get away / finish our conversation ASAP somehow because they're not comfortable speaking a long time in English. Which again, makes me anxious to go to them even for work-related questions. It's so different from my last work environment back home, where my coworkers and I talked all the time and got along amazingly, and I never hesitated to ask for help if I needed it.

I thought this would be a great adventure, and I've been abroad before and experienced culture shock that I overcame, so I thought I'd be okay here too and get through any hardships... but being in Korea is a whole different beast. This feeling I have is on a completely different level. I thought that I knew I wanted to do this, but I don't know anymore. Teaching is not a passion of mine, but it seemed like a good opportunity that would allow me to make money while living in Korea. I didn't realize I would feel this way until everything started. And I know that it's said many people feel like this in the beginning, and it's worth sticking out... but my mental health seems so in the gutter right now that I don't know how I'm going to do it.

It's only the first week, and I haven't even opened a Korean bank account yet, so my school hasn't given me the entrance allowance or settlement allowance yet even. If I were to leave now, I wouldn't even need to worry about paying it back since I never got it. But I also don't want to leave my school in the lurch without a NET... and I don't want to go home and regret it or feel awful for doing so. I feel so unsure and stuck. I honestly don't know what to do. I just need advice. I just wish I could know it's going to be okay, and that I'm going to feel okay eventually.

So sorry that life in Korea is causing you so much unhappiness. It must truly suck to be feeling how you are feeling at the moment. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I do empathize with you having experienced living and working here, and the situations and challenges Korea can throw up. Hang tight and things may just naturally get better but if you are not enjoying work, it makes it harder to settle in.
Do what you have to do. If you still feel the same way in a month, just give notice and bail. Don't waste a year of your life on misery.
 

Of course you miss your mom!  And lots of stuff back home--you've been abroad before and felt the same, right?  You dealt with it then, you can deal with it now, too!  Draw on your inner strength!

You already have some friends here, which is more than many could say when they arrived--use them!  Did you make contacts at EPIK orientation?--use them!  Find a coffee shop you like, settle in for an hour of FB or FT with folks back home on the free wifi (get outside your little apatuh)!  I know that really helped me when I was fresh off the boat.  You don't say where you are, but I bet there is an FB group for expats (probably even fellow teachers) there.  Use them, too!

As far as the job, it is nice to have someone in your corner at work, though it may take a little time to find them.  You feel adrift in the workspace, but there are a couple of sites that can help you navigate the tasks and materials you need to teach English to students here.  Try t e a c h k o r e a , kr and k o r s h a r e ,org .  (Don't give them a dime here.) 

You've undertaken a massive change to your life--you had some reason to do it, so don't let what is likely a temporary set of feelings undermine your momentum!  I say "temporary" advisedly: a week is practically no time at all.  If, as others have said, if you still don't have your sealegs a month or two from now, then it's fair to consider going home--life is too short to be miserable!  But a couple of weeks is too short to decide!  Give yourself a chance!

Good luck!

PS: Your sister's wedding is a write-off, and you knew that when you took the job.  Just make sure someone can FT or Zoom it with you!

Honestly, you don't want to make close friends with your coworkers here, but I've been drinking with my coworkers here a number of times. Some have even tried to set me up on dates with their friends. Your number 1 key to making meaningful connections here is learning Korean. It helps if you're you're not a picky eater and have an interest in k-culture beyond pop culture (think learning about independence and democracy movements or traditional foods and liquors). But for now don't go in expecting high-quality conversations in English, keep it to simple, stupid, and fun topics. People will warm up to you if you have a good personality.

A few things
From the experience of others, I've seen the highest rate of success and enjoyment in people who came over here with the goal of making one good Korean friend vs. trying to be friends with everyone. And they didn't force it, they just did their thing and it happened.

Don't worry about not being friends with all of your coworkers. Understand them- Would you want to be friends with everyone, including the weird old male teacher or the old married lady? Probably not. And it's natural for them to feel the same way and not be close to you. Now, that doesn't mean you can't be friendly, and that certainly can be possible. Rome wasn't built in a day and friendships aren't always built in a week, especially with jobs where there's lots of turnover. Consider that other people already have groups of friends, routines and plans, and so they won't suddenly put those on hold. For now. But warm up over a few weeks and suddenly that Korean co-worker who you thought was just nice, but not really a friend, suddenly works up the courage to ask if you want to go see a baseball game after work because he noticed you checking the score on your phone and next thing you know, you two are having the time of your life.

Also, consider the experience of all the international/new kids/exchange students back home. Maybe you made friends with all of them when they came to your class? Or maybe you just kind of let them find their own way? It's going to be the same thing only you're the exchange student. Now we're that exchange student. One thing a lot of immigrants do is join religious organizations or clubs, if there's any that appeal to you, consider those and looking up if there are any.

If you're a nice, positive, respectful person you WILL make friends. Even in smaller towns (assuming there's at least SOME level of young people, if you're in a really rural area, you're probably going to have to travel). Someone here posted about not being able to make friends and this being the case at every place you work. Maybe in some uber-competitive white collar environment or a rural school where everyone commutes, but in most cases you should be able, after a time, to maybe work to the level of at least "go out of dinner together from time-to-time".

Finally, and this is unfortunate, one thing that can be affecting things is that there are still some conservative social norms regarding people. Outside of a group setting, if you are seen alone with a person of the opposite gender, you will be assumed to be "dating". There might be some hesitation based on those things. It can sometimes be easier to join a group of 2 or 3 than just one one one.

That and remember, it's the beginning of the semester, it's hectic and everyone is flooded with paperwork and things they have to get done. Usually at a public school, everyone waits until the big welcome dinner to really start to make friends. It should be happening soon. Ask your coteacher about it. AND GO. But, be prepared to DRINK (and be sure you can hold your drink). Do be friendly, but DON'T dominate conversation or try to make yourself the center of attention. A really good way is to always drink when asked, but generally say quiet and wait for a moment when you can say something funny or nice, everyone will appreciate it, and then go back to listening. It is Asia.

If all of your posts were this hilariously idiotic and useless I would never need to put you on ignore.  Perhaps you should recommend they join a local canoeing club as you did in a previous post where someone was looking to get out of a funk.  I enviously watch the canoeists glide gracefully down my local river but I'm spoiled for choice around here and can't decide which club to join.

And the Asian stereotypes was a nice touch.  Usually you go ballistic when someone else makes an observation on here about local behaviour but you jumped right in with the weird old male teacher and the OLD married woman that every school seems to have on staff.  Damn old people.  And what about those drunken hwesiks that all schools have.  Well, all schools except the past two I have worked at that have never had any that were in the evening or had alcohol. 

Stop trying to HELP this person.  They have enough problems right now. 

If all of your posts were this hilariously idiotic and useless I would never need to put you on ignore.  Perhaps you should recommend they join a local canoeing club as you did in a previous post where someone was looking to get out of a funk.  I enviously watch the canoeists glide gracefully down my local river but I'm spoiled for choice around here and can't decide which club to join.

And the Asian stereotypes was a nice touch.  Usually you go ballistic when someone else makes an observation on here about local behaviour but you jumped right in with the weird old male teacher and the OLD married woman that every school seems to have on staff.  Damn old people.  And what about those drunken hwesiks that all schools have.  Well, all schools except the past two I have worked at that have never had any that were in the evening or had alcohol. 

Stop trying to HELP this person.  They have enough problems right now. 

Well, I don't know if they do or don't do any welcome dinners anymore, but if it's in a more rural area, they might. Anyways, something to consider. Maybe they can have one and after, it might not be so lonely.

Anyways, I'm sorry, I don't know why you're so angry over the advice I offered. I think joining a club or a church can help. For example, back home a lot of the Korean international students either joined KISA (Korean International Students Association) or attended a Korean church as a way to make friends and to overcome loneliness. Others would join campus clubs or stuff like that. Maybe OP can do something like that.

Sorry that such advice bothers you. I can't really understand why.

And the Asian stereotypes was a nice touch.  Usually you go ballistic when someone else makes an observation on here about local behaviour but you jumped right in with the weird old male teacher and the OLD married woman that every school seems to have on staff.  Damn old people.  And what about those drunken hwesiks that all schools have.

I never said anything about Asians until the end and that was only in reference to how to engage in conversation, that trying to be the center of attention as a newbie is a pretty big faux pas. I don't know why you read race into "weird old teacher", but if you think "weird old male teacher"= Asian stereotype, then I'm sorry that's what you think. I think most schools around the world have at least one weird old male teacher on staff.

Anyways, OP, I'm sorry that this ended up like this. I can't speak to feeling estrangement, because I didn't. But I can share about the experience of all the Korean students I knew back home and the stress they felt. Who knows, maybe some of your coteachers did an exchange program themselves?

That being said, if it isn't working out or it doesn't work out, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Some things just don't fit. We all have them. Anyways, even though he is upset with me, I think Augustiner gave some good advice earlier- Give it some time, but at some point if it isn't working out, it isn't working out and it's okay to go find something else. The important thing is to stay positive. If you do leave, don't leave feeling you failed, leave feeling you're going to find something new and exciting.

Anyways, I'm sorry, I don't know why you're so angry over the advice I offered. I think joining a club or a church can help. For example, back home a lot of the Korean international students either joined KISA (Korean International Students Association) or attended a Korean church as a way to make friends and to overcome loneliness. Others would join campus clubs or stuff like that. Maybe OP can do something like that.

Maybe the OP can join a cycling club.

Hey everyone,

I just started my first public elementary school teaching job through EPIK this week. I have never taught before in any capacity. Ever since I started, I have been feeling extremely low. My school seems okay, and my co-teachers are nice enough, but this job is so much more directionless and vague and open-ended than I anticipated. My co-teachers are also much less proficient in English than I anticipated, and it's hard to communicate with them to figure out how classes will go, which makes it hard to plan what I want to do. This causes me a lot of anxiety, as I really don't do well with ambiguity in that sense.

In addition, and what's perhaps weighing most heavily on me, is that despite having some friends here in Korea, I still feel so extremely isolated and am missing my family absolutely terribly. I miss my mom so very much. It seems I can't stop crying - I barely managed to pull myself together before the students came in for class today. My aunt passed away unexpectedly just weeks before I came here, and I never got to talk to her about how I was going to Korea. She only knew I was because my dad had told her and apparently she was telling all her coworkers about it too... but just thinking that she's gone now, and now I'm actually here, and I'll never get to speak to her about my experience here or get any texts from her throughout each day is extremely heartbreaking for me. And somehow I feel like being here on my own with those thoughts is exacerbating my grief now. Losing my aunt also makes me extremely anxious to be away from my family and miss out on precious time with them.

In addition, my sister is getting married in November (on a Saturday), and I really wanted to be able to go back home for her wedding, but I don’t know if my school will allow me the following Monday off so I could do that (there would be no time for me to make it back for classes Monday because of the time jump).

The language barrier is tough, too. At school, since I'm the only foreigner, I don't feel I'll be able to make any friends here, and even speaking with my co-teachers, I have this sense they want to get away / finish our conversation ASAP somehow because they're not comfortable speaking a long time in English. Which again, makes me anxious to go to them even for work-related questions. It's so different from my last work environment back home, where my coworkers and I talked all the time and got along amazingly, and I never hesitated to ask for help if I needed it.

I thought this would be a great adventure, and I've been abroad before and experienced culture shock that I overcame, so I thought I'd be okay here too and get through any hardships... but being in Korea is a whole different beast. This feeling I have is on a completely different level. I thought that I knew I wanted to do this, but I don't know anymore. Teaching is not a passion of mine, but it seemed like a good opportunity that would allow me to make money while living in Korea. I didn't realize I would feel this way until everything started. And I know that it's said many people feel like this in the beginning, and it's worth sticking out... but my mental health seems so in the gutter right now that I don't know how I'm going to do it.

It's only the first week, and I haven't even opened a Korean bank account yet, so my school hasn't given me the entrance allowance or settlement allowance yet even. If I were to leave now, I wouldn't even need to worry about paying it back since I never got it. But I also don't want to leave my school in the lurch without a NET... and I don't want to go home and regret it or feel awful for doing so. I feel so unsure and stuck. I honestly don't know what to do. I just need advice. I just wish I could know it's going to be okay, and that I'm going to feel okay eventually.

You either adapt or you don't.  But you won't know your first two weeks.  You can download ppt games online for your classes.  You are the only foreigner and that is true.  Even those of us here for a long time can get that feeling especially if we go to a new school or all new teachers and administrators change at once.  Say hi to the kids and let them flip over seeing a foreigner.  At least that part is cool sometimes.  You really won't know until you have been here for 6 months.  If you still feel this way come September, then give 30 or 60 days notice and go home.  Or stay and do the year and then go home. 

As for schools your main school is suppose to take care of your business, translating, open a bank account, get a phone, etc.  If your coteacher doesn't help you, get a little pushy if need be.  That's their job.  Unless they assign someone from the education office to do this for you.