Author Topic: Girl student afraid of male teachers (Read 925 times)

MIGHTYMERICAN · « **on:** April 16, 2012, 10:08:40 pm »

So I recently found out today that a female student of mine is afraid of all male teachers. At first I just thought it was the some times common shy-Korean reaction when it comes to speaking English but I was told by my female teacher that she does not have a problem with the student and that actually another male teacher has told her that she also did not speak in his classes last year (keep in mind that he was her last year's home room teacher and not English teacher). Im not a psychologist or an education major but common sense tells me that something must be going on at home with either her father or some type of male figure in her household. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE ON THIS SITUATION IF YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH THIS SCENARIO. This is a 5th grade student in elementary school and I am greatly concerned about her well being. I asked my female teacher about it and she said that she agreed that maybe something was happening at home. I was shocked when she acknowledged this possibility without the slightest bit of motivation to do anything about it. Advice is greatly needed. Please help.

Andy84 · « **Reply #1 on:** April 16, 2012, 11:24:42 pm »

This must be really difficult for you, I know it would be impossible for me to just stand by. Fact is however, an ESL teacher getting involved would most likely be seen as intrusive and inappropriate by most Koreans. If there is a school guidance councillor, talk to her about it. Apart from that, all I can think of is be as nice and supportive to her as you can to show her there is nothing to be afraid of. It might also be a case that you are not only male, but foreign. Maybe things are fine at home, but her head has been filled with nonsense about male foreigners.

deanitsin · « **Reply #2 on:** April 17, 2012, 06:22:20 am »

The fact that the Korean teachers are talking amongst themselves about this would seem to me as an indication that they are at least aware of it, and may be taking measures you don't know about. They don't always share things about students like that, even with other Korean teachers who aren't directly involved. We don't see or know about everything that goes on. That having been said, the only thing you can really do is what you already have done, which is voice your concerns, and try to be respectful of the student's boundaries, while also doing your best to make her comfortable with you.

flasyb · « **Reply #3 on:** April 17, 2012, 07:02:48 am »

Yeah, there's a male student in my high school who doesn't speak to anyone except his homeroom teacher and a small group of friends. Doesn't speak in any teacher's classes.

In your case, OP, it's likely that nobody will do anything about this because, as my CT once put it, "In Korea, we never want to make trouble."

cornflakes · « **Reply #4 on:** April 17, 2012, 07:31:13 am »

As sad as it may be, the reality is that we as humans will often not care about these issues until it hits closer to home. It's not like these things haven't been going on for centuries and by the millions, even in your own home country and neighborhood.

Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere.

Travellin' · « **Reply #5 on:** April 17, 2012, 07:47:05 am »

My old elementary school used to have a social worker/teacher who would deal with these situations. Maybe you should ask a head teacher if there is one at your school?

JahRhythm · « **Reply #6 on:** April 17, 2012, 08:03:04 am »

I've heard of similar situations and nothing was done.
It's a shame, but that's how it is here.
Students with learning disabilities are shuffled through, never getting the attention they need.
Students with emotional or behavioral issues are the same.
Students who are abused...
Most schools don't even have a guidance counselor. It's embarrassing.

Andyroo · « **Reply #7 on:** April 17, 2012, 08:17:41 am »

Quote from: deanitsin on April 17, 2012, 06:22:20 am

The fact that the Korean teachers are talking amongst themselves about this would seem to me as an indication that they are at least aware of it, and may be taking measures you don't know about. They don't always share things about students like that, even with other Korean teachers who aren't directly involved. We don't see or know about everything that goes on. That having been said, the only thing you can really do is what you already have done, which is voice your concerns, and try to be respectful of the student's boundaries, while also doing your best to make her comfortable with you.

Plus 1

The Korean teachers are obviously aware of it and are in a better position to know what the real problem is and dos something appropriate.

popeye2u · « **Reply #8 on:** April 17, 2012, 08:20:55 am »

Koreans just turn their heads when it comes to problems in the home. I know of a guy who raped his niece and nothing was done about it. They just sweep it under the carpet to save face and tell the girl to live with it. You gotta love Korean society.

ytuque · « **Reply #9 on:** April 17, 2012, 08:28:26 am »

I had a uni student who when stressed during an exam would physically hurt himself in class. He would do things like slam his head on the desk or punch himself in the head. I explained this to management, and they had someone call his mother. His mother's position was that there was nothing wrong with her son, and it was the school's and the teacher's fault.

Nothing was done, and I was told to stop making him feel bad..... This is not a culture where doing the right thing is valued!

Cereal · « **Reply #10 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:16:41 am »

Quote from: ytuque on April 17, 2012, 08:28:26 am

I had a uni student who when stressed during an exam would physically hurt himself in class. He would do things like slam his head on the desk or punch himself in the head. I explained this to management, and they had someone call his mother. His mother's position was that there was nothing wrong with her son, and it was the school's and the teacher's fault.

Nothing was done, and I was told to stop making him feel bad..... This is not a culture where doing the right thing is valued!

Sadly, it's also seems to be a culture where heartfelt intrusion by a foreigner, regardless of good intention, is most often not welcome.

Blacklamb · « **Reply #11 on:** April 17, 2012, 09:55:42 am »

*sigh*

This issue of domestic problems (abuse, violence) in Korea I find really hard to deal with, or not deal with as it happens, as things aren't open here in terms of reporting.

My profession back home is in health care where I am a mandatory reporter for any indication of abuse and I find it really f***ed up that people can just stand by here and let children suffer when they clearly need help.

I have a student in my hagwon who is also "afraid" of men/male teachers. I was told that her father beats her. I mean, wtf?

!!

There is also a student who is clearly autistic. The parents deny their child is different in any way.

It makes me crazy.

yeti08 · « **Reply #12 on:** April 17, 2012, 12:41:52 pm »

I had two middle school girls last year that were also afraid of male teachers. Nothing we can do. Nothing the school will do. Be as pleasant as possible.....

wtoddm · « **Reply #13 on:** April 17, 2012, 01:10:41 pm »

Quote from: Blacklamb on April 17, 2012, 09:55:42 am

*sigh*

This issue of domestic problems (abuse, violence) in Korea I find really hard to deal with, or not deal with as it happens, as things aren't open here in terms of reporting.

My profession back home is in health care where I am a mandatory reporter for any indication of abuse and I find it really f***ed up that people can just stand by here and let children suffer when they clearly need help.

I have a student in my hagwon who is also "afraid" of men/male teachers. I was told that her father beats her. I mean, wtf?!!

There is also a student who is clearly autistic. The parents deny their child is different in any way.

It makes me crazy.

Yeah same here. Listen, op, just bring it up with your co-teachers and get it off your chest with fellow waygooks... but you cannot try to get involved in the reporting like we would back home.

As others have mentioned, do your best to be very warm and cheery around her. Don't pander or what not, but little things can go a long way! See her doodling? Tell her it's cute! Is she participating with a partner/group work? Provide positive feedback! Doesn't she have great handwriting? Ribbon looks very nice today. Blah blah blah. I teach middle school girls, and this works well since they're so vain, but I only mean what I say. Oh:
USE STICKERS WHENEVER APPROPRIATE!

I know this may be read as belittling, and I assure you it's not. I want to let you know that impressions can mean tremendous amounts at that age. Leave her with a good impression each day, and know that that will indeed help, albeit not how you wish it would.

justanotherwaygook · « **Reply #14 on:** April 17, 2012, 01:55:38 pm »

Quote from: Cereal on April 17, 2012, 09:16:41 am

Quote from: ytuque on April 17, 2012, 08:28:26 am
I had a uni student who when stressed during an exam would physically hurt himself in class. He would do things like slam his head on the desk or punch himself in the head. I explained this to management, and they had someone call his mother. His mother's position was that there was nothing wrong with her son, and it was the school's and the teacher's fault.

Nothing was done, and I was told to stop making him feel bad..... This is not a culture where doing the right thing is valued!

Sadly, it's also seems to be a culture where heartfelt intrusion by a anyone, regardless of good intention, is most often not welcome.

Fixed

MIGHTYMERICAN · « **Reply #15 on:** April 17, 2012, 02:36:56 pm »

So I mentioned it to another teacher and it was pretty much the same reaction. ugh feel so helpless.

Andyroo · « **Reply #16 on:** April 19, 2012, 01:41:53 pm »

Quote from: mseitz2389 on April 17, 2012, 02:36:56 pm

So I mentioned it to another teacher and it was pretty much the same reaction. ugh feel so helpless.

Just happened to me today.

I was teach Class Y and a student from class X walked past our room...milled around before I moved him on.

He should have been in maths class at that time.

A girl in the class (class Y) told me he is a bad guy and asked for the English word for the flasher. It wasn't the normal bad mouthing that goes on between students because she seemed genuinely scared of him and wasn't said with the same gusto like when they inform me who's dirty or smoking.

I brought it up with the head English teacher afterwards. It seemed that student is already being punished for drinking and that's enough, I just hope they keep an eye on him from now on.

The kid does seem odd, he is in grade 2 but is new to our school (i.e. he had to change schools) ......

JahRhythm · « **Reply #17 on:** April 19, 2012, 01:56:40 pm »

Quote from: Andyroo on April 19, 2012, 01:41:53 pm

Quote from: mseitz2389 on April 17, 2012, 02:36:56 pm
So I mentioned it to another teacher and it was pretty much the same reaction. ugh feel so helpless.

Just happened to me today.

I was teach Class Y and a student from class X walked past our room...milled around before I moved him on.

He should have been in maths class at that time.

A girl in the class (class Y) told me he is a bad guy and asked for the English word for the flasher. It wasn't the normal bad mouthing that goes on between students because she seemed genuinely scared of him and wasn't said with the same gusto like when they inform me who's dirty or smoking.

I brought it up with the head English teacher afterwards. It seemed that student is already being punished for drinking and that's enough, I just hope they keep an eye on him from now on.

The kid does seem odd, he is in grade 2 but is new to our school (i.e. he had to change schools) ......

This also seems common.
Kid has issues, gets in trouble or there's some scandal.
The school, parents, or both don't address the issues with the kid and just send him off to another school...brilliant.

deanitsin · « **Reply #18 on:** April 19, 2012, 07:46:57 pm »

Quote from: JahRhythm on April 19, 2012, 01:56:40 pm

Quote from: Andyroo on April 19, 2012, 01:41:53 pm
Quote from: mseitz2389 on April 17, 2012, 02:36:56 pm
So I mentioned it to another teacher and it was pretty much the same reaction. ugh feel so helpless.

Just happened to me today.

I was teach Class Y and a student from class X walked past our room...milled around before I moved him on.

He should have been in maths class at that time.

A girl in the class (class Y) told me he is a bad guy and asked for the English word for the flasher. It wasn't the normal bad mouthing that goes on between students because she seemed genuinely scared of him and wasn't said with the same gusto like when they inform me who's dirty or smoking.

I brought it up with the head English teacher afterwards. It seemed that student is already being punished for drinking and that's enough, I just hope they keep an eye on him from now on.

The kid does seem odd, he is in grade 2 but is new to our school (i.e. he had to change schools) ......

This also seems common.
Kid has issues, gets in trouble or there's some scandal.
The school, parents, or both don't address the issues with the kid and just send him off to another school...brilliant.

Not always, but often, when we get a new student, it's because there's been something not so great that's gone on at the old school. But to be fair, some of the kids who have had pretty bad pasts at their old schools have used the opportunity of a new start to really turn it around. I'm not sure it's such a bad idea to give a young kid with issues a chance to start again without a horrible reputation following them around. The expectations teachers and other students can have for these kids for making some (albeit sometimes very serious) mistakes can also push them further down those roads sometimes. Once you get classified as a _______, it's hard to shake that label, and a lot of kids just eventually give up and say, fine then I'll just be _______.

As far as schools not addressing issues, I guess my school's just different. We've had a lot of serious things come up (parents running off and leaving kids, alcoholic fathers who beat, sexual molestation) and my school has always taken it very seriously. It's not an uncommon occurrence to have a homeroom teacher crying in the office after hours because they're so stressed out and upset trying to fix something like this. We also have an entire huge classroom and specialist dedicated to the mentally disabled kids (who are in normal classes about half of the time, in order to keep them well socialized) and another new 'center' for kids who are having a hard time for whatever reason, or need extra help. We also have two guidance counselors who take care of more serious issues.

My advice would be not to assume your school is doing nothing just because they don't extensively discuss it with you specifically. There are a lot of teachers' offices in many schools, and you aren't aware of everything that's going on in every one of them. It took me a long time to even find out that our special ed classroom was what it was, and that we had so many specialists in the school doing what they do. According to my co-teachers, it's a district-wide practice as well, so it can't be that rare.

wtoddm · « **Reply #19 on:** April 20, 2012, 08:55:41 am »

Quote from: deanitsin on April 19, 2012, 07:46:57 pm

Not always, but often, when we get a new student, it's because there's been something not so great that's gone on at the old school. But to be fair, some of the kids who have had pretty bad pasts at their old schools have used the opportunity of a new start to really turn it around. I'm not sure it's such a bad idea to give a young kid with issues a chance to start again without a horrible reputation following them around. The expectations teachers and other students can have for these kids for making some (albeit sometimes very serious) mistakes can also push them further down those roads sometimes. Once you get classified as a _______, it's hard to shake that label, and a lot of kids just eventually give up and say, fine then I'll just be _______.

As far as schools not addressing issues, I guess my school's just different. We've had a lot of serious things come up (parents running off and leaving kids, alcoholic fathers who beat, sexual molestation) and my school has always taken it very seriously. It's not an uncommon occurrence to have a homeroom teacher crying in the office after hours because they're so stressed out and upset trying to fix something like this. We also have an entire huge classroom and specialist dedicated to the mentally disabled kids (who are in normal classes about half of the time, in order to keep them well socialized) and another new 'center' for kids who are having a hard time for whatever reason, or need extra help. We also have two guidance counselors who take care of more serious issues.

My advice would be not to assume your school is doing nothing just because they don't extensively discuss it with you specifically. There are a lot of teachers' offices in many schools, and you aren't aware of everything that's going on in every one of them. It took me a long time to even find out that our special ed classroom was what it was, and that we had so many specialists in the school doing what they do. According to my co-teachers, it's a district-wide practice as well, so it can't be that rare.

This has renewed my optimism for Korea's well-being.

Seriously though, it's a lot better than what I see at my schools.

News:

Author Topic: Girl student afraid of male teachers (Read 925 times)