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Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« on: September 01, 2020, 10:42:37 am »
So I'm looking for some advice....

My first school in Korea was not a good situation. I ended up signing on for a second year as I put the issues down to some of my coworkers just not getting along. I figured it was just an age/personality conflict. The second year everything went insane. It became obvious my main co was at best bipolar and at worst just insane. A lot of really bad stuff happened, including both illegal and just morally reprehensible things, and the faculty chose not to believe me when I started speaking out about it. By the end of the second year I was worried I was going to have to break off my contract. I reached out to my POE and with some back and forth and precautions, I was able to finish the year at that school and transfer to another school in the same town (which I wanted as I have a good community here).  The school that I'm at now is great, all the teachers are really nice to me or don't care at all about me which is also more than fine. I was worried that the gossip from my old school would make its way to my new school (and it did) but all the teachers told me that I wasn't what they were expecting and that I was actually a good teacher (for context this was well-intended, they were surprised I can plan, prep, and teach my lessons alone)  I've been able to keep in contact with my friends, it's all been good.

However the other day I was on my commute home and ran into some of my old coworkers from that school. They were gossiping about me and pointing the whole time they were on the bus. There is a lot more to the story, but to cut to the short of it, the old co I had stalked me for over a year, and constantly gaslit  me and everyone she worked with. The main reason it worsened over time was because as time went on my Korean improved, i could understand a lot of what was being said around me and was shocked by some of the bald faced lies and hateful things that were being said both about me and others. My main co told me that this was my fault and told me that no one wanted me to learn their language so not to even bother.  It was really scary by the end, mostly due to the stalking. So when I saw my old coworkers on that bus (they supported my old co in the conflicts)  it brought up all those same emotions.  Even before the other day I still always kept one eye out for that old co and was worried she would find out my new address, but since the encounter yesterday its gotten worse...

I guess my question is, should I try to stay in my town (I want to work in Korea long term) and worry about never feeling safe physically and always worry about workplace gossip, or should I just pack it in and look into moving to another city? Will it get better or worse over time? Whats your opinion on the situation and has anyone gone through anything similar?  Any advice is welcome~


  • 303lmc
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    • March 05, 2019, 05:23:12 pm
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2020, 07:34:27 am »
hmmm. i personally wouldn't want to live somewhere I had to keep looking around or am worried about running into someone who is mentally unstable and has a personal vendetta against me. I actually had a very unstable person live across from me, in the US, and she made our lives a living hell. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from it, it was horrible.
 I don't know how easy it would be for you to move but if you can then I would. is what this person now doing illegal? can you ask your new CoT for help or guidance? it's a hard situation for sure. i honestly can't see it getting any better is this person is truly unstable.


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2020, 07:37:59 am »
can you ask your new CoT for help or guidance?

If you go this route...be careful because even though your new coteacher may be nice gossip still flows and could make things worse if other teachers get word and then it goes back to the original teacher


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2020, 07:44:09 am »
I think how you proceed may depend on the situation. Are you a female and your old Co-T is a male? If yes then I'd report him to the police for stalking. If you are a female and the old co-t is a femlae then more than likely she is trying to "catch" you doing something that she can report to the edu office about. If you are a male, I'd say just move on with your life and stop worrying about this bs. Sadly the majority of us deal with this kind of psychotic behavior one way or another. Just focus on your students and get out of your town on the weekends. If the stalking continues you can contact Seoul GLobal Center for help or call 1330 to file a poilce report.


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2020, 07:48:22 am »
The school that I'm at now is great, all the teachers are really nice to me or don't care at all about me which is also more than fine. I was worried that the gossip from my old school would make its way to my new school (and it did) but all the teachers told me that I wasn't what they were expecting and that I was actually a good teacher (for context this was well-intended, they were surprised I can plan, prep, and teach my lessons alone)  I've been able to keep in contact with my friends, it's all been good.

Sorry to hear about this problem with a stupid old co-teacher, who we've all met at one time or another here.  They probably have a history of this.  And to be honest, they probably are like this is with others too, including Koreans.  They have a shit life and they're intent on making other people's lives shit too.  Toxic awfulness.  Which doesn't really help you, but I'd focus on this bit here that you wrote.  Just concentrate on your great new school and forget about everything else that happened and try and focus on it.  It sounds like yesterday on the bus was a bit of a jolt to you and reminded you about those bad times.  But I think it could be a bit of 'out of sight, out of mind' and that seeing those old teachers again brought it all back and that you may not see them again.  But I'd try and carry on and hopefully you never see or hear from them again.  Just focus on your great school now and don't let it affect your positive new work environment. 
« Last Edit: September 02, 2020, 07:52:19 am by Ronnie Omelettes »


  • Kyndo
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2020, 07:54:13 am »
Thankfully I've never had to deal with this kind of thing before (cross my fingers, hope I never have to)!

If there's nothing in particular tying you to the town, I would finish your contract, get some decent evaluations and references from your school, and apply to change cities. I strongly recommend that you not give too much detail about why you want to switch locations, as there are always people who will want to pin the source of the conflict on you.

  Having friends in the town can make leaving difficult (I know I'd be pretty shattered if I had to say goodbye to my social groups!), but keep in mind that you'll probably be moving to another town in the same province, and that you can always visit on weekends. Heck, chances are you'll be only an hour or two away, so might even be able to hang out on weekdays! Also, it's a good opportunity to explore more of Korea, and to expand your social network!

Having to look over your shoulder for crazy people all the time is a source of stress that can strongly impact your quality of life, as is worrying over whether or not that craziness is going to bleed into your present workplace. As Korean teachers rotate schools quite frequently, it might be worth noting that the longer you choose to stay in town, the greater the chances that teachers from your first toxic workplace will end up in your present one.

   Whatever you choose to do, make sure that your focus is on the good things around you, but that you're ready to deal with problems that you feel might arise -- it's one of my favourite axioms: "Hope for the best, but plan for the worst."

Best of luck!


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2020, 09:55:15 am »
Thanks for the advice all.

For some clarification, I am female and the teacher at the old school was also female, and around ten years older than me. She was also the one responsible for being my go between and translator to everyone at the school, so that position enabled her to be able to take the situation so far. She began waiting for me to leave and then following me around town for hours and trying to invite herself back to my apartment (I would also like to say I wasn't in any way unclear about wanting her to leave me alone, telling her "don't follow me. I want to be alone. please stop following me." etc.) and when i reported her to the head of the eng dept. she explained it away as she was thinking i might be lonely because I was a foreigner...  She definitely did a lot of illegal things, but by the time i started getting evidence she had caught on and her actions changed to being more about violating the contract i had with my school, rather than committing anymore actual crimes.  So by that time I wasn't able to get the police involved. 

I would definitely not feel comfortable asking them about the situation, even though I am close with some of my new coworkers, because I changed school to avoid workplace drama too. Daily screaming matches between English teachers were a thing at my first school...My current coworkers would be more than willing to help me out with any issues whatsoever, but I simply prefer to keep them separate from this issue as much as is possible. My second school has been so peaceful and calm, other than the first couple of months where everyone was waiting and watching for me to grow a third arm before they chose to discredit the gossip and form their own opinions of me.  I never addressed the situation around why I transferred unless directly asked, and then just said something along the lines of "there was  interpersonal relation  and communication problems"...  A couple times someone from my new school has asked me about my prior school because of some of the various other serious problems that have come to light in the past year (embezzling, excessive discipline, nepotism, teachers having affairs with other teachers, etc) , but other than that, the previous situation doesn't seem to be affecting my work life.

Mostly it's been what 303lmc mentioned of the aftereffects from the stalking.  As far as I know, she knows what general area i live in now, but not exactly... I've run into her in the vicinity of my apartment a couple of times but I will usually duck around a corner before she spots me, or in the one instance where she saw me and followed me, I just walked to police station in my neighborhood, and she ran away before the officer could spot her.  I've only encountered her, or coworkers associated with her about 5 times in the past year and a half. It just makes me remember how I never felt safe anywhere... so even though I have a good life now, good home, good work relations, anytime that i see people from that school it always strips my sense of safety.  *sigh*

I think I'll keep an eye on it for now and do my best to enjoy my life, but if anything else happens because of or relating to that person, as much as i love my town, my school and my coworkers, i think i would have to move on to ever feel a sense of security again.  Thanks again to all for the advice!


  • CO2
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2020, 11:10:48 am »
Imagine having someone shitty in your life (you, but from her point of view), having them leave/getting out of your hair, and then STILL being obsessed enough to spend your free time tailing them around.

Get a hobby, FFS.
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


  • theman3285
  • Hero of Waygookistan

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    • June 16, 2017, 09:01:06 am
Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2020, 11:36:34 am »
I for sure have PTSD from my first year in Korea (2016), all thanks to a lovely coalition between my two supposedly Christian co-teachers to basically break me down psychologically. Not as psychotic as your stalker lady (seriously, waddup with that?) but still the two most petty individuals I've ever had the misfortune of knowing. And all because I made a slight push-back against their attempt to delegate all of their work to me while they indulged in their favorite pastimes daily: facebooking and sleeping at their desks. I shit you not.

Long story short, I moved to a different town after my first year and I still live here today. It's been 4 years of bliss. I say I have PTSD because I can feel a panic attack coming on whenever I hear some of the music that I happened to be listening to during that fateful year. I'll never forget it unfortunately. 


  • pkjh
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2020, 11:40:29 am »
She began waiting for me to leave and then following me around town for hours and trying to invite herself back to my apartment

Wow, that's is weird...


  • 745sticky
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  • hangook77
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2020, 02:54:03 am »
It's strange.  I wonder if she's a secret lesbian or something.  Got a thing for you or just a loser with no friends or life.  Weird.  After you sign your next contract if you stay and you keep seeing her, file a complaint against her or something.  But wait till you sign new contract.


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2020, 08:12:14 am »
I would say that she's just mentally ill. Definitely checks off some narcissistic and sociopathic markers (note: having some sociopathic tendencies does not make you a sociopath -- they do indicate that there's something seriously wrong, though).

I've known crazier folks who had plenty of friends and family, incredibly successful careers, and were married, but they just couldn't keep their shit together, and that all always came barreling down on completely innocent people until the authorities eventually intervened.

So yeah, I know that the OP has already made the decision, but I just want to reinforce for anyone else who finds themselves in a similar situation -- get the police involved if you can, and move either way.


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #13 on: September 08, 2020, 02:54:54 pm »
I'm not on this site often, but I would like to make a few comments. @theman3285 The teacher that stalked me was a hardcore christian (church like four times a week) and also got severely worse after I  set boundaries regarding what i was willing to do and when it was appropriate to ask (aka not 5 mins before I leave for materials "needed" for first period the next day) ... Is this behaviour common among christians here? So strange... (my PTSD trigger is "같이 하자/가자~~~~")   ( -_-) the struggle is real

 hangook77 I also wondered the same thing, because she would pressure me to talk about my personal life (which i refused to do) and at one point in time *in class* with (sixth graders) randomly burst out with " you know you're going to hell because you're a lesbian. That's a sin." I was standing there like ".....open your books to page 72?" I never discussed my sexuality with her or my religion for that matter (her assumption about both are incorrect regardless) and she just pulled this out of nowhere. I reported it and nothing ever happened, but it would make a lot more sense if it was a personal struggle she was going through....

Anyways, haven't seen her lately but if I ever see her again I have zero hesitation in getting the police involved and plan on doing so. Hopefully, it doesn't happen but I would advise if something similar is happening to you, to look into the laws in Korea and know your rights~


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2020, 08:55:04 am »
at one point in time *in class* with (sixth graders) randomly burst out with " you know you're going to hell because you're a lesbian. That's a sin."

That is insane! Unprofessional, inappropriate, unhinged. There's a lot I like about Korea but the way teachers can seemingly get away with virtually anything is not one of them. I also had a crazy colleague during my first year; it's almost a terrible rite-of-passage.

Trying to add something extra/productive: I think there's a tendency in Korean culture to ignore and deny negative experiences to the point that sometimes people don't recognize the most transparently awful circumstances (and actively don't remember them later). Pointing out something bad is often perceived as worse than the actual bad thing. This is an environment where narcissists and shockingly unprofessional individuals thrive because victims of their behavior are viewed as nuisances who're disrupting the flow of things. Disengaging is one of the only things you can do. She'll likely age out of her career without ever being held to account.


  • CO2
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #15 on: September 09, 2020, 09:06:14 am »
Nunchi>manners

Both people who have told me that I have bad nunchi have been the rudest, shittiest people I've ever met. It's uncanny.

Imagine telling someone that they're awful and have no social cues and "what is wrong with you?" for whistling.

Whistling doesn't make me the asshole here. You are.


« Last Edit: September 09, 2020, 09:08:48 am by CO2 »
The first thing to say is that this is definitely not pyramid selling, OK?


Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #16 on: September 09, 2020, 09:58:02 am »
... Is this behaviour common among christians here?

Religion doesn't prevent you from being an assh*le.


  • Mandrake
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #17 on: September 09, 2020, 12:05:33 pm »
" you know you're going to hell because you're a lesbian. That's a sin."

it'd be funny if the students thought that was the key expression of the lesson and repeated it



  • VanIslander
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #18 on: September 09, 2020, 01:10:07 pm »
Find your next girlfriend in the same building as the last one you dated?


  • hangook77
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Re: Staying in the same town after transferring schools...
« Reply #19 on: September 09, 2020, 01:27:02 pm »
I'm not on this site often, but I would like to make a few comments. @theman3285 The teacher that stalked me was a hardcore christian (church like four times a week) and also got severely worse after I  set boundaries regarding what i was willing to do and when it was appropriate to ask (aka not 5 mins before I leave for materials "needed" for first period the next day) ... Is this behaviour common among christians here? So strange... (my PTSD trigger is "같이 하자/가자~~~~")   ( -_-) the struggle is real

 hangook77 I also wondered the same thing, because she would pressure me to talk about my personal life (which i refused to do) and at one point in time *in class* with (sixth graders) randomly burst out with " you know you're going to hell because you're a lesbian. That's a sin." I was standing there like ".....open your books to page 72?" I never discussed my sexuality with her or my religion for that matter (her assumption about both are incorrect regardless) and she just pulled this out of nowhere. I reported it and nothing ever happened, but it would make a lot more sense if it was a personal struggle she was going through....

Anyways, haven't seen her lately but if I ever see her again I have zero hesitation in getting the police involved and plan on doing so. Hopefully, it doesn't happen but I would advise if something similar is happening to you, to look into the laws in Korea and know your rights~


That was some weird shit.  I know a few folks (evangelical Christians) who believe being gay or lesbian is a sin due to their faith, but the thing is they never hassle anyone who is gay or lesbian over their life.  They are family members, friends, coworkers, etc who just agree to disagree on the topic but don't take it too personally either way.  Mostly they politely don't discuss it and still get along with each other.   Folks I know on both sides of this still remain friends and are pretty personally pragmatic.  I think some of the really old folks act that way back home though, like your old co teacher.  (Like some asshole who kicks his kid out for coming out or something dumb like that.)  That is just really weird and strangely unprofessional to blurt out in the middle of class.   (I guess I have a semi libertarian streak myself.  I am not a full on one though as I still believe in some government.  Anyways, let folks do whatever if they aren't hurting anyone else.)